Such severe emetephobia ruining my life

[NigesFakeWalkingStick]

Ok, fully expect to get blasted here but please be as kind as you can?

I know some MN doesn't believe in the emetephobia thing (after all who likes sick) but I genuinely have paralysing phobia of sick. I lost a chunk of my 20s being so afraid I became agrophobic, I've had all therapy types offered to me, I'm currently on as much medication as I can be on. Basically, it's ruined my life.

I took my 3 year old to nursery this morning (only day he does, I'm a SAHM) and saw the dreaded 'D&V' sign outside. I nearly took him straight back home but gave myself a talking to and went in, asked about it, found out if it was in his class etc. Not actively in his class but 2 kids that were usually in on a Monday weren't in, presumably with the bug.

Downstairs three rooms had kids off with it, and staff members off with it too. So it's running rampage.

Against my better judgement I left him there happy. I went home and my slight panic turned into god almighty panic attacks and I couldn't centre myself using any of my usual methods. I am terrified of him getting the sick bug, paralysed. I have such a strong phobia about it I cannot put into words. I managed to get so worked up that after about 4.5 hours I went back up to the nursery and picked him up, although if he's caught it, I suspect he'll have caught it already - he was playing in the communal ballpit, etc.

I know this phobia is ruining my life. I am desperate for it not to ruin my sons the way it's consumed me for 25 years, and I'm going to the GP this week to see if there is anything else they can do to help because I can't cope.

Is it likely he's caught anything though? No active bug in the room he's in, although staff are covering the ones downstairs so there may have been some cross over.

I know IABU with this frankly fucking ridiculous phobia, but I need to talk to someone. I am a single parent and everyone thinks this is crazy.

You say it's fear of your son being sick but you said it had been a fear for 25 years... so it was here before him so there must be something else to your fear.

Exposure therapy an option? Not how it would work for sick but maybe.

Have you tried hypnotherapy?

I used to have a phobia of it but I was still able to function but would freak out if someone was sick near me - thankfully an infrequent occurrence!

The thing is your reason - that couldn't look after him - the phobia pre-dates it. So it must me something else. Personally it's the smell and sound I hate. And if I'm it's the physical part - that I'm not in control of myself.

I've no real advice - sorry.

Well I think you’ve done something remarkable already, as in those circumstances, I wouldn’t have left mine.

But... if it happens, you will cope. Your love for your son will help you. I agree with the PP who said it’s the thought of it that’s the worst.

I also second the being prepared method. Lots of clean towels. Plenty of bleach. Hang in there. Even if it happens, it won’t last forever. By this time next week, you’ll both be fine.

@LemonPrism and @hopeishere - those are really good points actually. I think I had more or less gotten over my phobia when I realised if I avoided any contact with anyone I could limit the chances. And in all honesty, I think if I knew it was just me being ill I think I got to the point where I felt okay with that. So from a certain point of view the self fear (ie being afraid of being sick myself) was less intense. I was still terrified of the thought of losing control from a bug though.

But now I have my son it's the added weight of being able to not panic when he needs me which is why the phobia has intensified so much. I panic on the few times my son has been truly inconsolable (once when he was sick, others through unrelated illnesses) and it terrified me. I was able to cope to some extent but the panic I felt made me feel so inadequate that I couldn't be the mother I hoped it would be.

This afternoon I've managed to rationalise it somewhat in that my DS had (to my knowledge) no contact with any actively ill child (in that they didn't go home ill) and he was upstairs whereas the rooms that were hit by the bug were downstairs. There is obviously the notion that there were kids there that may have been brewing the illness. And that I doubt the staff would have cleaned absolutely everything in the nursery on Friday night before Monday morning and I know the virus stays on surfaces for ages.

I do feel a bit calmer but I know in the coming hours/days I'll feel intensely worried again, especially if he shows any symptoms. My mum is due to look after him tomorrow as I had a job interview, and she said it she had any worries he might come over with the illness she wouldn't have him (she's a carer for my immune suppressed nana, who is in hospital at the moment) so I guess I can lean on her rational side.

I still need to go back to the GP about it though. I can't be doing stuff like this when he's at school. @LemonPrism yes I've had hypnotherapy x 5 times to try and deal with it.

So sorry OP, hope writing it down has helped you. There are some kind answers on here. My sister in law had this, to the extent she never got pregnant.

In your circumstances would it help to plan ahead "just in case"? PP suggested having a clean-up kit ready, that is a great idea for any household with young children! I would stock up on soup and drinks etc., in case you can't get to the shops. My daughter has 3 germy boys and when the family gets a bug I leave bags of food, loo paper etc by the front door Do you have a kind neighbour or mum who could help if you need it. I'm sure it is more stressful living alone.

It’s very very unlikely you’ll get it if ds does. I used to have a phobia of it but am much better now. I no longer get the panic and terror. I wouldn’t like to be near an adult being sick but my own little kids it’s different.
For me what helped me was exposure. Face the fear. So yes there is a chance ds might get it but you will both be ok.

It it’s any comfort, I am a mostly recovered emetaphobe - I avoided so much- (meals out, getting drunk) my main fear in getting pregnant was being sick. I now have a 15 year old - when she was very young I was totally inadequate in dealing with her bugs and used to call my dh to do it. But exposure therapy (aka normal family life) did make me alright with it in dealing with her. She was wonderfully blasé about it. I still can’t handle tummy bugs for myself and I have never been drunk. But that is fine. I also still don’t eat when a bug hits the house.

Reading this is actually making me feel worse. We don't use bleach because of my OCD so I'm now panicking we're all going to get my DS' bug.
Think I may have to unfollow now 🙈
Glad to hear you're feeling calmer :)

treacle hot soapy water is very good if you don't want to use bleach, or a steam cleaner.

Thank you for all the really helpful tips like having a prep box - I have all the components just not altogether in one place. I am hoping beyond belief I won't need it.

My 7 yr old is showing massive signs of emtamaphoia. She’s had therapy. But i DONT think she will ever get over it fully. My fault totally. I’ve got an illness that means a sickness bug can kill me easily. The illness I have 80% of people are killed by gastric flu. I became almost terrified of it and I’ve passed it onto her and I’m so ashamed. I’ve never been one to worry ever about being sick until I got unwell. My youngest was sick for nearly 2 years straight. Her teeth have been destroyed from the acid. Turned out to be her tonsils. But she was sick every 6 days. For 3 days long. For two whole years. That’s scared my eldest like anything.

I’ve heard that the therapy where you see it all the time should never be used for emtamaphobia as it won’t work and will often make it worse.

According to a friend who is a child psychiatrist. She says huge therapy and certain drugs can help. But my daughter is too young for either. It’s a CBT type therapy.

@Joerev I started my phobia when I was 8 and had a particularly awful episode when I had chickenpox. I hope your daughter doesn't suffer the way I have.

My DS woke at 4:15 for some reason, he has had sleep problems lately but I've spent the last 2 hours panicking and he keeps coughing which makes me scared he's nauseous.

My sister has exactly the same issues as you combined with germ phobia. She’s currently having EMDR having tried CBT and exposure therapy. She also has a child aged five. I have no constructive advice, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

OP you said it would come and punish you..... for what?

@Rainwilds that sounds similar to me (replacing 5 for 8) - I've also had EMDR which seemed to work initially but clearly hasn't as the winter rolls round I feel all panicky again. I started it this time last year, and finished in May.

@Savingforarainyday I feel like I was selfish in sending my son in yesterday as I am a SAHM and there was no real need for him to go in other than I was desperate for some time to do some proper cleaning and chill for a bit (I'm a single mum) - I shouldn't have been so selfish

@Savingforarainyday also I never believe in being complacent about anything as I fear the worst happening in most situations - therefore it I give myself time to think 'nah it won't happen' I worry as a result of being so blase I'll be punished.

It's all very complex

OP I don't have ernetephobia but I'd say I'm not far off it, the thought of my DC catching a sick bug really worries me.

If it makes you feel better, another child at school vomited all over my poor DD a few weeks ago and she didn't get ill I did bin all her clothes as couldn't face washing them though.

I find it soothing to hear about the good times.
For example my baby got poorly recently, so did our child minder and my partner. I didn't, neither did my other son.
I think of all the times I could have caught something but didn't.
Its shit. Really shit.
Our coping strategies are mental and hygiene procedures extreme but I have calmed down so much, I'm a different person than I was 5 years ago.
Best of luck xx

I have emetophoboa which was much worse when my ds was young. I spoke to another mumsnetter who had the same phobia who told me she had been prescribed Stemetil as a back up which is an anti emetic. This helped me to cope much better and I don't worry anywhere as near as I used to

Hi there, fellow emetophobia sufferer here! My phobia is also very severe and I also have an almost 3 year old! It is a very real, and very debilitating phobia. I've had CBT and take anti anxiety medication too. This won't reassure you but I've also noticed the dreaded sickness but being all over at the moment. Every time I log on Facebook there's another person posting about their family having it, I took DSto the zoo with my friend and her little boy yesterday who announced her and her husband had it last week! I was only thinking this morning how glad I am that my son isn't at a nursery yet. I need to go shopping today and I'm considering not going for the reason that it seems like it's all over.
After I had my son my phobia was at it's peak, I didn't leave the house for weeks on end and would wash my hands until they bled. That winter my dad caught a bug, followed by me and my partner quickly after. My partner was the only one who actually vomited although I took anti sickness tablets DS and mum caught nothing! so being exposed isn't a guarentee, and everyone reacts differently, not everyone vomits. Feel free to message me! x

@Witchofzog I am prescribed an anti-psychotic which is also used as an anti emetic which helps sometimes when I have irrational thoughts.

Again, I'm so sorry that there are so many afflicted by this. I know how truly awful it's been for me living my entire life like this.

My DS has gone to my mums for the day/night as planned for a week. He has been fine so far, although I know I won't properly rest until he's clear of any symptoms till about Friday

Sorry meant to say he's just going for day and night not the whole week, just that it's been planned for a week or so. I'd feel awful if he gets it round my mums as he'd just want his mummy but my mum was insistent on having him.

I rang the nursery this morning to see whether it had travelled upstairs and it appears it had gone into the room adjacent to his with two kids off that were off yesterday but that all were okay in his room and it had apparently missed his room.

i feel ya. fellow emetephobe here too. this time of year is awful

Op I know what you mean about not wanting to say “it’ll be fine”
I have a ritual I guess you could call it where I have to repeat over and over that I AM going to catch it, and that somehow means I’m less likely to. I know it’s bonkers. But it helps.

Have you tried hypnotherapy?