To use same name for middle name as in-laws DC for Baby? (Also DHs first name)

[herbie01]

DH & I are are expecting our first baby.

Will refer to DH's first name as X. I have always liked the idea of using the name X as a middle name for our Baby - 1) after DH 2) have links to name X in my family (which is known to IL's) and 3) I like the name. There are no other X's in DH family - it's also a big family. X can easily be adapted to a feminine version for a baby girl.

One of DH's brother (BIL) and his wife (SIL) already have a child (their 1st) with X as middle name. A few years earlier during afternoon drinks with a few people (including my DH and BIL) SIL announced that she loved the name X and wanted to name first child that. (Cue awkward moment given that it was my DH's name but she was in relationship with his brother - if relevant, this was way before any of us were even married or children). Their 2nd child has BILs first name as middle name.

Fair bit of history behind it but I do not get on with BIL and SIL, and BIL & DH are no longer close - my DH has his own policy of keeping any negative comments or opinions about who his siblings choose to marry to himself, and is civil to SIL (but does not like her). BIL has no such policy and so my name is mud in DHs family due to half truths, outright lies, nasty comments etc told to make them out as victims and me as nasty b**h. BIL is a miserable angry bastard in general and makes negative comments about anyone & everything as easily as breathing. SIL & I have not got on for years due to her jealous, immature & narcisstic behavior - many have had this issue with her (school, work etc) particularly women of roughly same age in in- laws family ie. "competition". BIL & SIL are nonetheless "the favourites" to MIL and older members of family (DH's older sisters, aunts etc ). Sharing this background info as I'd put money on SIL saying we "copied" them if use X for our baby, making fuss about same middle name & other such drama, sooking to in-laws.

DH reckons it doesn't matter about IL's child having same middle name (and had cute little smile that indicated he'd be pretty chuffed with Baby having X as middle name).

Im tempted to just use X as middle name as it's our baby /our choice, but is it it worth the drama? Would you think it reasonable to do if didn't have tension with in-laws? (I've always thought it very weird that SIL & BIL used X as middle name.) Just want some outsider perspectives if my judgement on this is clouded due to grudge/ negative feelings for in-laws and given all the possible names out there we should just pick something else.

You're overthinking. I used the name...let's say "Anne" as my DD"s first name and my sister already had it as HER DD's middle name.

It's not a family name for me...though unbeknown to me, it was to her DH...it was his Mum's name.

So my DD is Anne Smith and her DD...my niece is Lara Anne Smith.

Nothing to do with anyone else.

Would there really be any drama ? X is your husband's name so you have dibs on that name imho. The fact that your SIL said this comment about the name A few years earlier during afternoon drinks with a few people doesn't mean that you have to avoid that name forever. SIL may have changed her mind by now, she might not have any more children , who knows. And anyway, your baby is actually on the way and you can name it what you like ( especially as X is going to be it's middle name !).

It wouldn't be an issue in most families, assuming I've got the situation right,let's say it's Daniel for arguments sake

George Daniel Smith - BILs child

Cameron Daniel Smith - your child

The children wouldn't be using Daniel very often - plus it's your DH's actual name anyway ... just use it

You are seriously over thinking this. For one, the same middle name is of zero consequence, secondly, who gives a shit what your BIL and SIL think? They don't own the name.

@custardbear yes that's the situation.

Thank you all for your voices of reason, i can see now I'm thinking too much on it!

My cousin and I have the same middle name, after our gran. Doesn’t cause any issues

All four boys in my family have the middle name of James, after our dear old dad. Nobody owns the name , we all just wanted to remember our dad.

You’re naming your dc after your husband. Anyone not in your immediate family (ie you and your dh) can get knotted.

My BIL (DHs DB) and SIL gave their first born the same middle name as our first born (1 year difference between them). I think it's lovely, especially as it's a family name. Oh and thinking about it we gave our ds the same middle name as my DBs son (10 years older than ds). It's really not an issue.

Lots of families choose to use the same middle name. I'd use it and not worry at all it's not like it's a first name the same.

Do you even need to tell them? Just announce baby to them as George Smith, and quietly register him as George Daniel Smith. They won't be asking to see his birth certificate.

Would they actually even care? I’d be a bit miffed if my brother named his child the same first name as one of my DC (just think it’s weird, I know we don’t own their names), but I wouldn’t care a bit if they had the same middle names. Or one of their middle names as their first names.

I have 10 cousins. Most of us have the same names somewhere, especially family names

My son and all his male cousins have the same middle name. No one is bothered. No one discussed. We all just wanted to use the same name.

We have a family middle name that is used for the first born in each family. It also happens to be my husbands name. We have no issues here apart from we had to use a feminine version of the name. (Think Christoper/Christine)

Middle name after dad. Zero controversy.

A few years earlier during afternoon drinks with a few people (including my DH and BIL) SIL announced that she loved the name X and wanted to name first child that. (Cue awkward moment given that it was my DH's name but she was in relationship with his brother - if relevant, this was way before any of us were even married or children)

FGS if you were part of the awkward silence you have been part of the drama of this since the get go. Why on earth was that an issue at that stage? Just stop overthinking everything and making an issue if things.

Just name your child what you like! Let them complain it sounds like they will complain no matter what they do so you may as well get the name you want out of it

@BlouseAndSkirt
That afternoon was shortly before I was in relationship with DH, I wasn't there. DH told me about it after he remembered it when BIL & SIL did their birth announcement for 1st child with X middle name. DH never thought that SILs child would actually end up with X as one of its names.

It's previously been an issue (several times) in DHs family about "copying" or " stealing" baby names, and small things quickly become day time soap opera in this family.

We are avoiding using every other name that has already been used or has a "claim" made on it by someone.

I used my mother's name as a middle name for DD1. Then a few years later, my sister used my mother's name as the first name of her child. It matters not.

Two of my male cousins have my uncle's name as their middle name. The eldest has it has as his first name.

So for example

Robert David Jones (known as Bob jr)

Danny Robert Jones

Joshua Robert Jones

It's not that unusual I don't think, just use the name.

For what it's worth, ds has his grandfather's name as his middle name as dp wanted to have a nod to him (was his father figure). Sil said if she ever has children she'd do the same and we all thought it was a lovely idea

DH had the name before their child, so of anyone is complaining about stealing names, it is them. Go ahead and name your child after their dad if you want, that's pretty normal.

Family middle names is vvv common. In my family the first boy of each generation has a particular name as first or middle - my grandad was Sidney Frederick and known as Fred, dad is Albert Frederick, my brother Frederick Wayne and ds is Joshua Frederick (all made up, and ds has my name double barrelled).
When my brother had children he decided to also give his son the middle name- not a problem at all

If they're as bad as you say they are, why do you even care? Just don't engage in any drama and ignore any fuss if there is any

I think it was lovely of BIL & SIL to use your husband’s name as their first child’s middle name.
Middle names don’t get used apart from paperwork, call your baby whatever you want.

I've always thought it very weird that SIL & BIL used X as middle name

Why? If it's a nice name, why would it be "very weird" to use it, irrespective of whether any relative has it or not?