To use same name for middle name as in-laws DC for Baby? (Also DHs first name)

[herbie01]

DH & I are are expecting our first baby.

Will refer to DH's first name as X. I have always liked the idea of using the name X as a middle name for our Baby - 1) after DH 2) have links to name X in my family (which is known to IL's) and 3) I like the name. There are no other X's in DH family - it's also a big family. X can easily be adapted to a feminine version for a baby girl.

One of DH's brother (BIL) and his wife (SIL) already have a child (their 1st) with X as middle name. A few years earlier during afternoon drinks with a few people (including my DH and BIL) SIL announced that she loved the name X and wanted to name first child that. (Cue awkward moment given that it was my DH's name but she was in relationship with his brother - if relevant, this was way before any of us were even married or children). Their 2nd child has BILs first name as middle name.

Fair bit of history behind it but I do not get on with BIL and SIL, and BIL & DH are no longer close - my DH has his own policy of keeping any negative comments or opinions about who his siblings choose to marry to himself, and is civil to SIL (but does not like her). BIL has no such policy and so my name is mud in DHs family due to half truths, outright lies, nasty comments etc told to make them out as victims and me as nasty b**h. BIL is a miserable angry bastard in general and makes negative comments about anyone & everything as easily as breathing. SIL & I have not got on for years due to her jealous, immature & narcisstic behavior - many have had this issue with her (school, work etc) particularly women of roughly same age in in- laws family ie. "competition". BIL & SIL are nonetheless "the favourites" to MIL and older members of family (DH's older sisters, aunts etc ). Sharing this background info as I'd put money on SIL saying we "copied" them if use X for our baby, making fuss about same middle name & other such drama, sooking to in-laws.

DH reckons it doesn't matter about IL's child having same middle name (and had cute little smile that indicated he'd be pretty chuffed with Baby having X as middle name).

Im tempted to just use X as middle name as it's our baby /our choice, but is it it worth the drama? Would you think it reasonable to do if didn't have tension with in-laws? (I've always thought it very weird that SIL & BIL used X as middle name.) Just want some outsider perspectives if my judgement on this is clouded due to grudge/ negative feelings for in-laws and given all the possible names out there we should just pick something else.

Use what names you like.
Also dies sil secretly fancy your dh? Just a thought.

My child and a cousin have the same middle name. No-one battered an eyelid as it’s a common middle name. Just crack on.

Just use the name. If challenged, just point out that you are naming DC after DH and let SiL look silly if she takes it further.

I think my DS is about the 6th male in my family to have his name as a first or middle name? As an established family name, no eyebrows were raised.

Most people would only raise an eyebrow if cousins' first and middle names were both unusual and very similar with no traditional usage.

All the males in our family have the same family middle name.

I have a cousin and two nieces all with the same middle name. It's a family name.
Just use it, it really wouldn't be odd.

*It's previously been an issue (several times) in DHs family about "copying" or " stealing" baby names, and small things quickly become day time soap opera in this family.

We are avoiding using every other name that has already been used or has a "claim" made on it by someone.*

You can’t steal a name, names don’t belong to anyone, you can’t claim a name, names don’t belong to anyone. I can’t imagine why saying “I’d like to call my child X” would result in an awkward silence at all - drama where there’s no need for it, which you perpetuate by giving it any credence at all. Call your child whatever you like.

Sounds like there will be drama whatever you do.
It's the baby's father's name so perfectly natural to use as a middle name.
Sod them and do what you want.

gosh what a drama. Use whatever name you like.

2 of my SIL have DC with the same first name, they are a year apart in age. The older one, no idea why. The second one because it's his Dad's, Grandad's, great-grandad's name going back generations. It was obvious that and when the first SIL "took" it for her son she said "and now you can't use it" (they don't get on) to SIL2. Who just did what she wanted anyway.

I love a bit of family drama, though so I'm fine with it all.

*it was obvious that SIL2 was going to use it from the day she got married.

As someone currently researching their family tree, this used to be common in previous generations (sharing of common names) and it makes it a hell of a lot easier to locate your family.

For example, I had a great great grandfather who had 5 names and each of his son's have a combination of those names. His grandsons' all have at least one of those names and some of his granddaughters have the feminine versions. My father has one of the names as his middle name and so does most of his Uncles. This is more or less the same in other branches of the family that are alive today and we didnt even know of their existence, including a branch in Canada.

It is like 30+ men who have one of the five names as their first or middle name.

So much drama over a name. It’s your DH’s name and it’s only a middle name anyway, who cares. Just use it and stop overthinking it.

There are a lot of Anthonys in dh family including Uncle,Cousin and nephew from different branches of the family,its not that unusual.

In our family we have (in order they were born), my dad and FIL: first name Dave; BIL and SIL's youngest son, middle name Dave; our middle son, middle name, Dave; my sister's son, first name Dave. AFAIK no one minds at all.

Name the baby as you wish.

Cut contact as much as possible with BIL and SIL.

Comments? Here's your answer:

'Oh well SIL and BIL are VERY put out! You copied their baby name you know'
(smile) 'We named him after DH'
'Yes but they think x, x, x,'
(smile) 'I don't care'

:)

Seriously - there is about to be a bigger issue here. Your first child? Things are going to change very rapidly in this dynamic and I suggest you a. grow a thick skin and b. start setting out your stall and deciding it's fine to piss them off. If PIL favour them, there are going to be a few fireworks to come - BIL/SIL are going to kick off a bit out of jealousy, and you'll either find PIL in your face or pointedly ignoring or being less than great GP in a bid to pacify them. There are going to be some bumps. Don't pander. Don't listen. Do your own thing with the knowledge that NONE of these people are going to be brilliant additions to your DS' life so if you keep them a bit at arm's length, they won't like it but ultimately you'll be better off than being dragged in to nonsense for the first year of your baby's life.

You and your DH are perfectly at liberty to use his forename as your DC's middle name. In times gone by this was absolutely the norm. It really does not matter who else already has that middle name. YANBU.

If you are that worried about being seen to be copying then why don't you use it as child's forename instead?

Not a big deal. We have several members of extended family with the same first names, never mind middle names.

You clearly can't stand them so why give a shit? Unless of course you just love all the drama 🙄

“It’s his dads name you moron ”

This sentence on repeat if it ever got mentioned.

I’d honestly be so confused if a family member got that angry over someone using a family middle name especially the child’s fathers name. It’s not unusual at all for that to happen. First names yeah it’s odd but middle names? People forget about them Anyways

I can't see a problem DD1 has the same middle name as her cousin, Grandma and Great Grandma. Wouldn't have been my choice as the name and surname are the name of a famous actress but it's a family tradition on DHs side.

I named my son's middle name Thomas after my grandad and only found out months later that my nephew's middle name was the same! I don't think middle names are too important so don't worry :-)

Cue awkward moment given that it was my DH's name

Why on earth would this be awkward?? They have given their baby a middle name, named after his uncle. Not even remotely weird.

So 2 cousins are going to have the same middle name?

I fail to see any issue whatsoever.

I don't even know all my nieces and nephews middle names? (I do have quite a few though x7 nieces and x8 nephews)