To use same name for middle name as in-laws DC for Baby? (Also DHs first name)

[herbie01]

DH & I are are expecting our first baby.

Will refer to DH's first name as X. I have always liked the idea of using the name X as a middle name for our Baby - 1) after DH 2) have links to name X in my family (which is known to IL's) and 3) I like the name. There are no other X's in DH family - it's also a big family. X can easily be adapted to a feminine version for a baby girl.

One of DH's brother (BIL) and his wife (SIL) already have a child (their 1st) with X as middle name. A few years earlier during afternoon drinks with a few people (including my DH and BIL) SIL announced that she loved the name X and wanted to name first child that. (Cue awkward moment given that it was my DH's name but she was in relationship with his brother - if relevant, this was way before any of us were even married or children). Their 2nd child has BILs first name as middle name.

Fair bit of history behind it but I do not get on with BIL and SIL, and BIL & DH are no longer close - my DH has his own policy of keeping any negative comments or opinions about who his siblings choose to marry to himself, and is civil to SIL (but does not like her). BIL has no such policy and so my name is mud in DHs family due to half truths, outright lies, nasty comments etc told to make them out as victims and me as nasty b**h. BIL is a miserable angry bastard in general and makes negative comments about anyone & everything as easily as breathing. SIL & I have not got on for years due to her jealous, immature & narcisstic behavior - many have had this issue with her (school, work etc) particularly women of roughly same age in in- laws family ie. "competition". BIL & SIL are nonetheless "the favourites" to MIL and older members of family (DH's older sisters, aunts etc ). Sharing this background info as I'd put money on SIL saying we "copied" them if use X for our baby, making fuss about same middle name & other such drama, sooking to in-laws.

DH reckons it doesn't matter about IL's child having same middle name (and had cute little smile that indicated he'd be pretty chuffed with Baby having X as middle name).

Im tempted to just use X as middle name as it's our baby /our choice, but is it it worth the drama? Would you think it reasonable to do if didn't have tension with in-laws? (I've always thought it very weird that SIL & BIL used X as middle name.) Just want some outsider perspectives if my judgement on this is clouded due to grudge/ negative feelings for in-laws and given all the possible names out there we should just pick something else.

If you want to use it as middle name and avoid drama, then just dont tell them you used it …. introduce as Baby Jake rather than Jake X Smith. Considering baby's father shares the name, I would never consider you stealing the name as it is a direct family name for your child.

Just practise your blank expression and response of ‘It’s DH’s name, and a family name on my side. It being nephew’s name wasn’t really a factor’ for when someone has a moan.

Total non issue. My husband’s nephew is a year younger than DS1 and has his first name as a middle name. My niece and DS2 were born within a fortnight of each other and have the female/male version of my dad’s name - it’s her first name and his middle name. No issues (and my dad was chuffed.)

Often the same names occur in a family. Same middle names or even first names. Not an issue.

Ive just realized that I don’t even know my cousins’ middle names!

Go ahead

My Dad and his brothers all had the same middle name, as it was a family name.
I would not worry at all about having the same middle name as a cousin. First names the same is more of an issue, but middle names the same in families seems pretty common to me.

After everyone had heard about the birth and baby’s weight, name, time of birth etc. nobody cares about a baby’s middle name, it is hardly ever used. Only on official documents.

It’s just occurred to me that my young nephew (brothers child) has the same middle name as my youngest boy. Then again, it’s the same as one of my cousin’s first names and my BIL’s (dh’s Side) second child’s middle name.

My other son has my other brother’s middle name as his first name, and my brother’s middle name as his middle name. Middle name is also the middle name of my uncle and grandfather. First name happens to be the first name of two different cousins.

There are a lot of men in my family and a limited supply of names that we like.

My name is a version of my mother’s. One of my middle names is my great grandmothers name, which happens to be a version of my grandmothers name. The other of my middle names is my daughter’s first name. And her middle name is the first name of another cousin!

What I’m saying I suppose is that if you like traditional names, and share a surname, it’s more likely that names will be re-used and will ‘go’ with the surname. And if they have an issue with it, then that’s about them being ridiculous rather than you doing anything wrong. None of my family is remotely bothered by the recycling that goes on.

Very common for children within a family to have the same middle name. Anyway if it does cause trouble it's your DH name so fairly obvious why you've used it.

My sister called two of her children the same name as one of mine, and one of our other sister.

No one batted an eyelid.

I have two cousins who have the same middle name as me. No drama whatsoever.

Our DM's are siblings

@reallynoidea? Same first names as you and your sisters children??

When child two was born it seemed that every other girl had Louise as a middle name.