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AIBU?

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Original poster

Halloween: why do parents ask for treats for kids who aren’t there?

73 replies

Lightkeeper · 10/11/2019 18:11

We had kids and their parents come by trick-or-treating on Halloween. Unlike many of my friends who don’t open doors (hence coming to this forum), I normally buy many treats for kids who make the effort that day.

What I did not like this year was that there were a good number of parents (like every third parent!) asking for treats for the kid’s sibling that didn’t come around trick-or-treating. Since when has this become normal for parents to do?!? IMHO, if a kid doesn’t want to go around trick-or-treating for whatever reason (e.g. is at an age where they thought they were ‘too cool for school’ to go around with their sibling), they have to make do with nothing. I mean... that’s a good lesson for life.

Why do parents do this?!? And AIBU to think they shouldn’t? I didn’t want to cause a problem at the start, so this resulted in us running out of treats after about 30 minutes after the first knock at the door (despite us having soooo many). At the end, I just ignored the parents!!!

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 10/11/2019 18:13

No one should beg for sweets

Sparklingbrook · 10/11/2019 18:15

Not heard of this. I just offer the bowl of sweets and they take what they want. But only the children come to the door the parents stay at the bottom of the drive.

You have a whole year to resolve to say no. Grin

PennyGold · 10/11/2019 18:16

I've never heard of parents doing that?! It would be fair enough if it was one e.g. "my son is sick so couldn't trick or treat".
I bet they were filling up their pumpkin cauldron for themselves! How rude.

Expressedways · 10/11/2019 18:19

This has obviously been dwelling on your mind given Halloween was over a week ago! It happens where we are too, I’m pretty sure there is no sibling at home as some of the adults don’t even bother to lie and really do just have extra pumpkin for themselves. The ones on our street aren’t even from the neighbourhood and come here because it’s safer, there’s a lot of effort made with decorations etc. When they start appearing and we think most of the neighbourhood kids have been through then we turn off the porch light.

Comefromaway · 10/11/2019 18:20

Dd has done this in the past for her autistic younger brother who couldn’t always cope with trick or treating.

MissSueDenim · 10/11/2019 18:22

IMHO, if a kid doesn’t want to go around trick-or-treating for whatever reason (e.g. is at an age where they thought they were ‘too cool for school’ to go around with their sibling), they have to make do with nothing.

But maybe in some cases, the kid can’t go trick or treating as opposed to just not wanting to, for example broken leg, compromised immune system, chicken pox or something else contagious etc.

plunkplunkfizz · 10/11/2019 18:22

Have you been stewing for about this for over a week? You need a hobby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/11/2019 18:23

Meh. Who cares as long as all the sweets go and I don't have to resist them?

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 10/11/2019 18:25

I've never heard of this! If kids have a sibling with a legitimate reason for not coming in sure their parents can buy extra and encourage them to share. I'd just tell the truth - "Sorry, we don't want to run out of sweetd so we're limiting it to the kids who have made the effort to come to the door

FacebookRager · 10/11/2019 18:28

"Ha ha ha ha, of course not. These are for trick or treaters"
With a smile on your face.

bridgetreilly · 10/11/2019 18:44

If there is a child who can't come (because ill or whatever, not just can't be bothered), then the appropriate thing for the parent to do is ask the child who does go to share their loot. Not start asking for extras. Just say no, OP!

nobodyimportant · 10/11/2019 18:45

Never had that here!

Paddington68 · 10/11/2019 18:46

Begging door-to-door is vile

Reachedsohigh · 10/11/2019 18:50

This happens here too, in fact it annoyed me so much last year I didn't decorate my house this year. I reckon every other group had a younger/older/ill/busy sibling they needed extra for.

Original poster
Lightkeeper · 10/11/2019 18:54

Phew. Thanks for the replies.

And to those who thought I need a hobby Hmm... as mentioned, most of my friends don’t open doors, so can’t ask them... and it’s only a week and a half ago. I have been so busy, I only managed to ask this now as it’s my first weekend in a while where I’m actually in the country!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/11/2019 18:56

If the sibling can't go trick or treating then there's such a thing as sharing.

I see the MN Halloween Bingo Card is complete with people saying about 'begging'. How having sweets offered to you is begging I don't know, Grin

Original poster
Lightkeeper · 10/11/2019 18:56

Reachedsohigh - Yes, that’s exactly why I asked this question. If this is the “new norm”, I’m contemplating joining my friends in the closed door brigade!

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 10/11/2019 18:56

I think you're being a bit mean. Siblings could be sick or at a sports club or whatever. Who cares if a few ppl take a few extra pennies worth of sweets?

I leave a bowl on the street next to our pumpkin as we're out trick or treating, I'm just happy if they are all gone.

PurpleCrowbar · 10/11/2019 19:00

Honestly, I think it's easier to just arrange with parents & kids you know. Saves the safeguarding issues of dc knocking on random doors, too.

I was away for Halloween. We had a WhatsApp group for it, so I made up little bags for as many dc as I knew would be part of the group, left in my grocery delivery box (propped open with an excellent plastic severed hand from Tiger...).

I did leave bags for 2 kids who I knew to be a) ill & b) with the other parent but their sibling would be part of the group. Plus a few extra just in case - which I then scoffed when I got home next day & found still in the box!

My dc were with their father for the week & are a bit old anyway, but I took the trouble because the other parents are friends, close knit community etc.

Most parents in the group also made up bags.

It seemed a popular option - last year I left a bowl of sweets on the porch & was cleaned out within the hour despite nipping out twice to top it up.

ManiacalLapwing · 10/11/2019 19:01

If a child can't go out trick or treating then their sibling can share or the parent can buy them a treat instead. Treats are only for the children there at the door.

SpiderCharlotte · 10/11/2019 19:08

Never had this at all.

Paddington68 · 10/11/2019 19:17

It's begging if parent asks for 'mystery child' at home.

Shoxfordian · 10/11/2019 19:18

Its definitely cf behaviour

Original poster
Lightkeeper · 10/11/2019 19:24

Grobagsforever - Your area might not be the same as mine... but we’re not talking a few pennies here. We spent around £80 on sweets. Gone in 30 minutes. In each group that knocked, there were about 5-10 kids. There were still kids knocking on doors later, but they had to do without because of all those siblings that were not there.

If you’re sick... unlucky. But that’s life!?! If you went to your sports club, that’s also your choice (where you probably get sweets anyway).

OP posts:
Monkeynuts18 · 10/11/2019 19:33

If a child can't go out trick or treating then their sibling can share or the parent can buy them a treat instead. Treats are only for the children there at the door.

Exactly! I can see there might be any number of reasons why a sibling can’t come trick or treating but in that case the parent can buy the absent sibling some sweets!

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