Halloween: why do parents ask for treats for kids who aren’t there?

[Lightkeeper]

We had kids and their parents come by trick-or-treating on Halloween. Unlike many of my friends who don’t open doors (hence coming to this forum), I normally buy many treats for kids who make the effort that day.

What I did not like this year was that there were a good number of parents (like every third parent!) asking for treats for the kid’s sibling that didn’t come around trick-or-treating. Since when has this become normal for parents to do?!? IMHO, if a kid doesn’t want to go around trick-or-treating for whatever reason (e.g. is at an age where they thought they were ‘too cool for school’ to go around with their sibling), they have to make do with nothing. I mean... that’s a good lesson for life.

Why do parents do this?!? And AIBU to think they shouldn’t? I didn’t want to cause a problem at the start, so this resulted in us running out of treats after about 30 minutes after the first knock at the door (despite us having soooo many). At the end, I just ignored the parents!!!

You spent £80 on sweets?

Why??

Crunchymum — Because that many kids do come around. It’s also probably nostalgia because I still remember my trick-or-treating days ‘Stranger Things’ style (i.e. without parents... just friends... and not in the UK).

Mind you, I saw pictures of my nephews (again, not UK) going trick-or-treating and their ‘treats’ where they live are... massive. We’re not just talking sweets here, but actual big toys and houses that looked like they were dressed by Disney's Halloween decorating team!

Was out of the house last year, but the year before that, we spent a little less and did run out quickly, too (albeit not as quickly as this year as we probably missed the first round of kids due to work).

I did this once... my son was in hospital after an asthma attack, he was gutted that he couldn’t go trick or treating so I took his little pumpkin bucket out with me when I took his sister... people were very sympathetic and gave me sweets for him too when I explained. I wouldn’t have done it I’d he just couldn’t be bothered though!

we live in a street where there are still a lot of older people who have lived here for years so not many children, i did get a couple of pairs of children and did something i wouldnt have thought about years ago i asked if they were ok to eat haribos as that is what i had bought, i did have some kit kats in doors in case, as it happens my grandchildren ended up with what was left

I've not had this but also I don't care if some kids take an extra one for a sibling.

How did you spend £80 though? A big tub of sweets is £4.

I've never encountered anyone cheeky enough to ask this!! Surely if your child is ill then they can't have sweets anyway and you could just get them a treat when they're feeling better, and if they're too young to go then just pick them a treat up so they don't feel left out!
£80 on trick or treat sweets!! That's crazy! Think we spent £5! I love Halloween but think if I had to spend that much I'd turn my lights out and not open the door!

I can easily spend £80 on sweets because I get every child for miles as my house is decorated up to the max. I've spent a lot of money over the years buying more decorations, bigger gravestones, flood lights, giant spiders, zombies crawling out of the ground and even a moaning flying ghost. it's almost a theatrical production that really draws in the crowds. I also give out a small bag of treats. A bag of haribo, some swizzle Matlow sweets, a mini choc bar and this year had mini choc dips and a tangerine. A made up bag of sweets is the norm here and it makes up for the fact that 100 houses will happily send their children out to collect treats but they refuse to buy so much as a £3 tub of haribos! Happy to take but will hide in the dark so they don't have to give.

I don't see how it's possible to spend £80 on sweets, that would feed the two of us for a fortnight.

Bloody hell, £80? How?

I treated 20 kids for about a quid each. Multi packs of haribo & chocolates, divvied up between 20 little bags, sorted. & this was overseas with no access to pound shops where I'd have definitely spent less.

It's just...sugar. The fun bit is costumes & roaming around in the dark. A couple of cheap sweets at every stop.

If that's what you're spending, I can more readily see why you're annoyed with freeloading siblings etc, but seriously, how ARE you spending that on a few jelly snakes & gobstoppers?!

The sweets must be Lindt Pick and Mix.

Normal here is a fun size chocolate bar each. Maybe £6/7 tops.

£80 on sweets?! We had a lot of trick or treaters (around 30 groups). I bought 2 massive tubs that said they had 110 items in each. £4 per tub. So £8 on 220 items, and we had some left over at the end of the night. Each person took one item.
Anyway... we’ve had approx 30 groups of trick or treaters for the past 5 years and never had anyone asking to take things for children who weren’t there! Trick or treaters are extremely polite around here .

Yanbu. My 7 year old was still vomiting post chemo on Halloween. Her sister and her friends came home and shared their sweets (sick kid didn’t eat any but appreciated the thought!)

Never had this. Just say no

@Lightkeeper Ok I really need to know HOW you spend 80 QUID ON SWEETS.

I live in a naice middle class area and we all just get a few multi packs in. Ten-fifteen quid TOPS.

 @chinateapot .

I'd love to send your 7 year some Halloween sweets when they are well enough. Sorry if that's weird but your post got to me.

EIGHTY POUNDS?!

Granted I live in a village but a couple of bags from Poundland usually suffices.

If the kid can’t come and is desperate to have sweets surely the parent buys them rather than walk the streets. This is insanity.

Where do you live, OP?
The uk? A big town? I’ve never heard of this.

I live in the UK and in a town. I basically do something similar to FacebookRager above (but without as much decoration, as DH would have meltdown re. where to store all ”my stuff” ). It's a made up bag of sweets, other small things and I really put a lot of thought into packaging it up, etc. Hence, it's easy to spend £80. And yes, I’m similarly pedantic with Christmas. I just can't help it!

Our street is a pretty, tree-lined street, very straight (easy to keep kids in sight) and not much traffic. A couple of years ago, a neighbour (who has since moved) went all out on decorations, and I think that's what has made this street more popular in recent years.

I just can't help it! well then in the nicest possible way, that’s your issue isn’t it? If you just bought a big tub of drumsticks and refreshers like most people, you probably wouldn’t begrudge sending one home for a sibling.

I think @Elbeagle has it. Halloween is about the kids not your need for perfection and it would be more open hearted to give extra for a sibling not there. So as you asked YABU.

Elbeagle and Grobagsforever - I’d rather not open doors next time to be honest, if the kind of attitude you guys have is the prevailing one with parents.

And yes... I do it for the kids. The look on their faces is remarkably different when they get a random lollipop versus a well-thought-out packet! Like someone actually cared for a second. I felt the same as a youngster. Based on what you guys say, you just want to give everyone sweets, but take that magic away.

The kind of attitude we have? I don’t have an attitude. As I said, we’ve never had anyone ask for sweets for siblings. All the numerous trick or treaters we have here are unfailingly polite (as are my own children when we go trick or treating, but we only go to neighbours houses that we know/are friends with). All children are extremely grateful and say thank you beautifully. So do their parents. I don’t take any magic away from anyone.
You were the one that made a point of saying how much money you spend. In my opinion, it sounds like you enjoy being seen as ‘lady bountiful’ on your pretty tree lined street.

Oh and I have never asked for sweets for a sibling who isn’t there either.

Elbeagle - There’s nothing wrong with mentioning how much someone spends... and as you can see above, I’m not the only one who spends that amount.

I seriously don't understand why people get uppity about money on this forum. People spend money in different ways - everyone knows that! And yet people get upset if someone spends more than others! I mean... seriously? Don't you see that around you all the time? I do! If so, why are you upset seeing that on a forum.

Most parents and kids are fine (and are polite just like where you are)... it's just two-thirds of them that do this. I’m way too anonymous to be seen as ”Lady Bountiful” but I do want to make some kids I don't personally know happy once or twice a year and that's based on my own experience as a youngster.

P.S.: I meant a third.

YANBU OP. Next year ask them why isn’t little Timothy out trick or treating and if he isn’t sick then say that sorry you’ve only got enough sweets for kids that wear a costume and come out themselves.