Halloween: why do parents ask for treats for kids who aren’t there?

[Lightkeeper]

We had kids and their parents come by trick-or-treating on Halloween. Unlike many of my friends who don’t open doors (hence coming to this forum), I normally buy many treats for kids who make the effort that day.

What I did not like this year was that there were a good number of parents (like every third parent!) asking for treats for the kid’s sibling that didn’t come around trick-or-treating. Since when has this become normal for parents to do?!? IMHO, if a kid doesn’t want to go around trick-or-treating for whatever reason (e.g. is at an age where they thought they were ‘too cool for school’ to go around with their sibling), they have to make do with nothing. I mean... that’s a good lesson for life.

Why do parents do this?!? And AIBU to think they shouldn’t? I didn’t want to cause a problem at the start, so this resulted in us running out of treats after about 30 minutes after the first knock at the door (despite us having soooo many). At the end, I just ignored the parents!!!

Oh gosh I’m not upset, why would I be upset what someone I don’t know spends their money on? You mentioned how much it costs you, no one else did until that point.

Elbeagle - I did it because someone mentioned it’s only a few pennies. Pffft. Just end it.

OP it’s a lovely generous thing you do, but maybe the parents are asking for extra because you go to so much effort? Maybe they just want the made up bag themselves?

You need to be careful how much of yourself (time and money) you give, because as you’ve found with these parents, people will take advantage.

This is hideous. I think the whole concept of Trick or Treating is wrong anyway so I never went and wouldn't let my kids knock on strangers' doors expecting sweets. I am just speechless that some people think it's ok to ask for/take extra sweets! Nothing is ever enough is it?

Haha we’re going round in circles here. You said it was annoying because you spent around £80 on the sweets. I merely suggested that if you didn’t spend so much, it wouldn’t be such an issue. You then told me I had an attitude and accused me of getting worked up about what others spend their money on! I was just trying to make a helpful suggestion. Truly baffled.
Anyway, I’m ‘ending it’ now .

My dd (8yo) came down with a 40 degree fever an hour before we were meant to go trick or treating, so I told the neighbours we knew who happily gave us an extra sweet for her. I didn't ask the others and just split the sweets between both kids. 12 pieces each is more than enough anyway.

Oh, Elbeagle... your reading comprehension isn't great, is it? Nowhere did I say I was annoyed about spending that. I was annoyed about the parents asking for more though. But you only really see what you want to see.

I’m learning that now, Antigon! No good deed goes unpunished...

@Lightkeeper I've never asked for sweets for absent kids, my kids would never agree to miss treat or treat for a start!

I just don't understand why it bothers you. Life's too short to begrudge sweets to kids in my view. My kids are super polite etc and only go to houses which have a pumpkin.

£80 in sweets, good lord, that's daft!

I spent about a fiver on some haribos etc did my bit for a short while then took my own kids out, they knocked on a few got a few quids worth if that, were happy and we went home. Decorating window and door cost about a fiver too.
Just can't believe the expense!

If one of my kids was too sick to t and t i'd just buy em some rather than asking strangers. V odd

Just say no, sorry, you don’t have enough. Not hard.

£80 is a huge amount to spend.

If you just bulk buy haribo, the stakes are lower and then perhaps you wouldn’t mind so much.

I’d never ask on behalf of an absent child, but I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if someone else asked me.

I would also find this annoying, but to be fair - you said your sweets lasted 30 mins and around 30% of the groups asked for an extra to take away. So if they hadn't, the sweet supply would have lasted 30% longer - ie: 10 more minutes. Hardly that much different is it?

I think if you can afford to treat the local children for £80 then good on you. As I said before Halloween is my favourite holiday and it's sad that not many houses around here hold it so maybe my OTT bag of sweets goes a little towards making up for that and making those children smile. I don't mind the cost for those who make the effort to celebrate and come to see my house and decorations. I do mind forking out for those who want to take advantage of my generosity though. I wouldn't want to give to kids who aren't there. My eldest was told quite explicitly that she would not be getting her sibling's sweets if she didn't go out herself. She didn't go, she didn't get sweets. Her choice. OP, carry on the Halloween cheer. Don't let the greedy grabbies put you off.

Do you live in an area with lots of people from abroad? I have only seen parents approaching the door in areas with lots of people from abroad (when they have really tiny kids) and yes they often do ask for sweets for siblings or for specific types of sweets because they aren’t used to how trick or treating works.

I think those users who object to ‘non-local’ children coming to their area are being a little unfair. What about those children who happen to live in an isolated area? Do they just miss out completely? I live in a hamlet which has about 10 houses, with no other children and none of the occupants partake in Halloween - so yes, we travelled to another local village (with a lot of Halloween participation) to join up with friends’ children. So long as the children are polite then what difference does it make where they come from?

In answer to the OP’s question, I think you are both U and NU! Yes I think it can be grabby, especially in the numbers you’re describing. But I also agree with Elbeagle in that it wouldn’t matter/might not grate on OP so much if less money had been spent. Before moving we lived in a very busy Halloween area and would buy 2 or 3 of the large tubs, give out 1 or 2 sweets per child, which would normally last the evening

Thanks, FacebookRager - we’re in the same boat.

For the record, I don’t mind spending £80 (or even more)... otherwise, I wouldn't have spent that amount.

I have no clue why people get hooked on money on this forum. It’s like... everyone's YANBU... until some people realize how much money was spent and suddenly those people switch to YABU. Like the amount of money spent makes a difference to whether it's okay for parents to ask for treats for siblings or not.

I've already said I think YANBU about the absent siblings. If you can afford to spend that much though then why not give less per child so you can spread the joy to more children? Unless they are only getting treats from your house then they should still get more than enough.

Just to clarify, I don't mean so you can give treats to absent children, I mean the ones who came after the first 30 minutes.

Mmmm.

I think there are two different approaches which work.

A) all kids welcome, pumpkin on the porch, cheap sweets by the handful.

B) organised route around participating houses. Adult at each house either dishes out cheap sweets as above OR has bags ready to give out to pre-arranged number of children.

If you're doing (A), I think you cater until you run out of sweets then call it a night.

If (B) then you'd exercise common sense - 16 kids expected, do 20 bags to allow for tag alongs.

If you're conflating the two things - you have no idea who might rock up (A) but you like to do bags because that's fun for you (B) - then, honestly, you are likely to be spending more & getting grumpier.

I wouldn't worry about non participating siblings at this point. I'd just scale the whole thing down (no bags) to something that's less likely to make you cross!

I agree.
I had a woman come to the door with her 3 month old and only her 3 month old and took a handful of sweets. I was s bit dumbfounded, obviously the baby wasnt going to eat the bag of malteasers she chose!