Worried about leaving DH

[TheMustressMhor]

….for a week while I go four hundred miles away to see our DC.

I shall be gone a week. What will he do? Will I return to find the toilet roll on the wrong way round, as I did the last time I went away? Will I discover that he didn't change the tea towel while I was miles away?

What would you worry about in these circumstances?

(Light-hearted, obviously)

Just had another thought - will he ensure that the toaster remains at a ninety degree angle to the slow cooker?

I am very anxious that he may not replace the pan scourer on the Saturday I'm away - this is vital for the smooth running of the household.

I leave a brand new dishcloth, pan scourer and tea towel when I go and then bin dishcloth and pan scourer and place tea towel in washing machine on ultra high on my return.

Although I do feel slightly sorry for my husband as on the last two occasions I went away the first time he had to deal with a plague of ants and the second time a flood, I had to provide moral support via the telephone!

When I do this it's great as the house is always spotless when I come back. Turns out it's me who makes the mess.

😂😂😂

Me too, though I will never, ever admit it.

@CassandraCross

I worry that my DH wouldn't even notice the plague of ants if one occurred during my absence.

And I have a fresh thing to panic about - would he buy the wrong colour soap while I was away?

Obviously white soap is the only acceptable colour.

A real life calamity has occurred today.

He has some time off work.

I've come in from my not particularly gainful employment to find that the utter monster has vacuumed and mopped every surface - using a new bottle of Flash, rather than the customary Method floor cleaning stuff. No lovely almond scent, just cheapy lemon and some rather stressed looking felines, as they were forced to stay outside until the floors were dry.

It's shocking.

Upsettingly, last time I left DH home alone I returned to find he had emptied every single bastard cupboard in the kitchen and pantry to “give them a proper clean as they’re filthy”. The smug, self-righteous expression was enough by itself to deserve a tin of beans chucked over him, but the implication that this was somehow an important job that I had been neglecting was completely rage-inducing.

My DH does similar. He’s an utter, utter slob around the house most of the time. But will occasionally find an obscure cleaning task that ‘needs’ doing and will make a great performance of doing it. ‘Oh WOW! The shelf behind the TV is FILTHY! No wonder I’ve been getting itchy eyes!’

See also: use of the phrase ‘we need to do X’ to mean ‘you should do X’.

YABVU to leave him unless you like pebbledash toilet rims. Safe journey (not envy)

Absolutely nothing.

@MitziK

Gah!

You have my sympathy.

What is it with DHs that they cannot use the correct-scented cleaning fluid?

Oh no. I have a fresh concern.

Will he completely disable the washing machine? It is controlled remotely (by me) and with great difficulty (by him).

I confess that when it was installed I sat watching it for several hours. this was not because I couldn't figure out how to work it either

Or will he just not bother to do any washing while I'm gone? Perhaps this is the best option as he has a habit of mixing up dark and white washing which is extremely irritating.

If I left for a week I would fear that my DP would disappear under the mountain of bloody receipts and bits of paper that he leaves everywhere in the house.

There would also be a roll of toilet paper on the holder in each bathroom with two sheets of paper left on it, with a new roll left on the top of each cistern.

With a new roll left on the top of each cistern

At least the new rolls are not left on the floor where small pools of urine would contaminate them

I would only worry that they would likely eat several meals worth of food bought last minute from the petrol station because dh forgot to actually do any food shopping.

My mum on the other hand preps an entire week of meals for my stepdad when she goes away. Like literally every single meal - she like pre-cooks sausages and wraps them up individually in baps, she even pre-cooks jacket potatoes for him. He is a perfectly functional, healthy, working professional in his 60s. He is perfectly capable of cooking for himself or ordering a takeaway. She just can't quite cope with the thought of not doing it for him.

Hells bells, I don't think I'd notice any of this stuff.
If there was dinner and a drink waiting for me when I got back, they could do what they liked

You are made of sterner stuff than I, hazell42.

Mine once cleaned every shelf of fridge whilst I was away because he said it was smelling. But the smell hadn't gone and he couldn't work it out

I opened fridge, fair play every shelf was spotless. I removed the open pot of gone off cream which was on the door and smell promptly disappeared. He was amazed

NoKnit I came back to a cooker and oven that was absolutely spotless, the internal shelves looked so clean and sparkly that I initially thought he had gone out and bought new ones!

My DM is off on her hols & leaving DF soon. I am moving home to look after him because a) He is 85 and has admitted he feels vulnerable, b) he mistreats tea towels and refuses to abide by DMs system of bins.

No DP here but when I used to go away & come back, I'd secretly score my slobbish ex-housemate out of 10 for her house keeping. She only once got over a 5. Slattern. The current housemate gets 8s & 9s, usually 9s. I luffs her .

@CassandraCross

Are you sure he didn't pay someone to perform this miraculous act?

@MrsToothyBitch

I am sure that your DM has patiently explained the correct system of bins to your DF many times.

She will enjoy her holiday much more knowing that you are in control.

He really did do it all himself TheMustressMhor, I saw the evidence of the beyond saving scourers with my own eyes. He may be regretting this miracle of cleaning, however, because it is now, without doubt, officially HIS job.

I'm loving the tale of MrsToothyBitch's DF not abiding by the bin system, my dh doesn't abide by mine and I know there is no chance of him doing so when I'm away so I am have resigned myself to just be happy that he has actually emptied the bin!