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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Taking kids to Christmas Market with family friends - very different budgets?

75 replies

NoWiggleRoom · 10/11/2019 14:28

DH and I have just had a blazing row about this and I’m looking to see what others think.

Friends have invited us to a Christmas market in their town - stalls, carnival rides, food places, visit Santa, the usual Christmas stuff. These friends have recently had a change in financial circumstances and are really flush. They always spent hard at these types of things anyway in the past, lots of rides for the kids, any toy they want, sweets, food etc which is in the spirit of the event. We were always slightly more restrained with our kids but recently, unfortunately, have much less disposable income and we are saving hard for Christmas because things are going to be tight.

DH wants to take the kids to this market and to explain to them that they can go on one ride or have one thing (budget of about £5 per child). I expect our friends would have 8/9 rides, Santa, a couple of toys. I think we shouldn’t go because it won’t be fair on our kids to go to something like this if they can’t have a few rides, some food, visit Santa etc. I asked if he expected our kids just to watch our friend’s kids go on rides but he says we can take them for a wander around the market. I think this will really not fill the time when their kids are doing things ours aren’t and the kids want to see each other! He says they need to learn that they can’t have everything, which I agree with, and I explain when we can’t afford a particular toy or can’t do something if it’s too expensive, but I think watching their friends have what they can’t have to this extreme is too much. I could tell them we didn’t have enough money to do everything their friends are doing but I feel what they will be doing and what we can do is going to be too different in this case. AIBU or is DH?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/11/2019 14:31

Oh id feel the same as you. I'd be tempted to take an earlier appointment and suggest you join them "for the last hour" so a good stroll round the stalls with a snack, then a ride each before home.

fedup21 · 10/11/2019 14:32

That sounds like a nightmare. I don’t think I would enjoy it at all!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/11/2019 14:32

fake an earlier appointment.

HamsterHuey · 10/11/2019 14:33

It sounds lovely but I wouldn’t want to take my kids just to watch the other kids having fun that mine couldn’t join in on. Feels a bit mean! Maybe take your kids on your own so they can enjoy one ride or see Santa without having to watch your friends have Unlimited fun and then you can still soak up the Christmassy atmosphere!

Ohyesiam · 10/11/2019 14:34

How old are your children?

CatsCatsCats11 · 10/11/2019 14:35

I agree with you, I think I'd be tempted to be quite late and join in with their last bit.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 10/11/2019 14:36

I agree withyou OP i think it would be heartbreaking watching my kids not be able to join in.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 10/11/2019 14:37

just decline the invite, take the kids on another day, and make plans with your friends for another day

starfishmummy · 10/11/2019 14:37

I dont think I'd go with them. Can you take your kids at a different time when they won't notice the limitations so much?

TheWernethWife · 10/11/2019 14:38

WTF is your DH thinking, your poor children

Purpleartichoke · 10/11/2019 14:39

Find a different activity to do with the friends. If you want to do the market, go another time.

blackteasplease · 10/11/2019 14:41

Yes I think you are right.

itsfrompenzance · 10/11/2019 14:41

I wouldn’t go. My children would hate this.

northerngirl2012 · 10/11/2019 14:44

I'd be honest with friends and just say, finances are a bit tight to go to this. We'll meet for the last hour and then have a go on ride etc then hot choc and walk etc to finish.

They don't need 8 or 9 rides each. Take your own snacks, nice ones either home made or from the supermarket so they don't feel as if they're not eating. Could do flask of homemade hot choc and add marsh mallows etc to mugs. Could be really nice.

krustykittens · 10/11/2019 14:44

You are right. While it is important that children learnt hey cannot have everything they want, I don't think it is fair to teach them this while watching their friends get everything they want. Go at another time.

Humpdayruminations · 10/11/2019 14:45

No way I'd do that to my kids. I'd be frank with friends and say you can only afford one ride each so will join them in the last hour or so. If they aren't close enough friends to be onboard with the plan I wouldn't go.

letsdolunch321 · 10/11/2019 14:47

Decline the invite, too much stress. The event will arrive and you with be unhappy, stressed & mardy.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 10/11/2019 14:49

Depends on how old they are tbh.

NoWiggleRoom · 10/11/2019 14:50

Thank you for your replies. I am relieved it’s not just me.

We wouldn’t go to this event if it wasn’t to see our friends, so we won’t go to this at a different time, but would do a different Christmassy thing on our own where the children’s expectations would be managed so we’d all have a nice time.

Perhaps going for the last hour would work.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
NoWiggleRoom · 10/11/2019 14:50

Kids are 7 and 5 and a baby.

OP posts:
GloGirl · 10/11/2019 14:51

You would all be so much happier going separately! I wouldn't mind to a ride or two different but someone going to spend and someone going to browse just isn't fair when they're kids.

He is right you could have a very nice evening just window shopping at the markets, and they need to learn life is not even. But you are right there is no way your two opposite attitudes will work together! And no reason to do it either! Cant you invite them round for hot chocolate after the markets?

katewhinesalot · 10/11/2019 14:54

It's a really bad idea. Plenty of other ways of teaching them that life is unfair. No need to rub their noses in it for such a length of time.

Does dh accept he's bu?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/11/2019 15:05

It sounds as if this is all about what your dh wants tbh. He wants to spend time with them. Children’s feelings come first in these types of situations.

NeckPainChairSearch · 10/11/2019 15:09

Older kids I would take - or at least talk to them about whether they wanted to go, knowing that you wouldn't be matching your friends' spending etc. and just go for the atmosphere and so on.

But younger ones, no.

SquashedOrange · 10/11/2019 15:10

Doesn't sound like you will have any fun going all together, with your kids just standing there watching.

Seems a completely pointless day out tbh.