Too hate the “never did me any harm” brigade

[lastqueenofscotland]

You know the type
“I drank through all my 72784 pregnancies and all my children are fine.”
“I never vaccinated my kids and they are healthy”
“My Nan smoked 749298492838 a day and had the lungs of an 18 year old.”

Personal anecdotes do not outweigh often decades and decades of research. There are always outliers.
And if people want to engage in risky behaviour that could potentially harm their unborn child or increases their chances of developing diseases, crack on. But don’t try and justify it by arguing with the science

I totally agree. Research, hindsight, attitudes change. The majority for the better.

I’m nearly 60 and many things that happened to me during childhood did me a great deal of harm. Huge amount of passive smoke inhaled both at home and on public transport etc; anxious, depressed mother, angry, unhappy father; too much sugar, vile teachers. All of these have affected my life and my DBs to this day.

There’s a lot of selective memories, unwillingness to accept different attitudes, scientific research etc.

DH tried to make out his mother hitting him growing up was fine because it meant he behaved.
Except it didn’t bloody work on his brother.
DH behaved because he is like that anyway.

iklboo and venger

@lastqueenofscotland YANBU.

Also, I hate it when people say something doesn't bother them, so it shouldn't bother anyone else. ('Well I get up at 6am every day, and travel 2 hours to work! And I don't get home til 8pm... so YOU should be OK with it too.)

Yep but this especially grates me on the... I only had one whittling tool at Xmas that dp brought, I had to writer them a thank you letter and acknowledge their hard graft for this gift, and santa brought me a satsuma and it never did me any harm, dc get the same..

Yes, children could leave school at fourteen up to 1947 and many did before this as well by just not going!
I don't think anyone wants to go back to that!

I think you are being unfair. I don't think it's a bad thing to point out to parents of today that previous generations survived! Because a lot of parents these days are over-protective, over-cautious, over-zealous, and a bit too helicopter parenting.

“It never did ME any harm” is really code for “I’m thick”.

I didn't know about cot bumpers etc 15 years ago. But I don't mind that guidelines/recommendations have now changed.

I do agree that some parents are too protective but you also can't win because if you do let them out to play or are less protective then your judged!
It is a minefield.

Yes, children could leave school at fourteen up to 1947 and many did before this as well by just not going!
I don't think anyone wants to go back to that!

Of course we don’t want to go back to it but it was the norm then. My mum left school at 14 too.

@StreetwiseHercules

“It never did ME any harm” is really code for “I’m thick”.

I wouldn't say that. I would say though, that it's code for 'I am a better person than you, because I have been though stuff that YOU clearly can't handle.'

Pisses me right off.

I was told to leave baby dd to cry at night and get herself to sleep 25 years ago or I would "make a rod for my own back". Stuff that, I picked her up and cuddled her to sleep. Couldn't bear leaving a helpless baby crying herself sick one room away and ds age 6 needed sleep for school in the morning.
Both my dc are independent well adjusted adults and stopped climbing into my bed around 7 years old.
Also "smacking never did me any harm"..i wasnt smacked but my friend was and even in secondary school she was TERRIFIED of her mother (since died which my friend has serious trouble feeling guilty over. It was cancer so no fault of anyone).
My own parents were criticised in the 70s/80s for being lenient with me but I could go to them with any problem, I parented the same way and still close to adult dc now.
But we had respect and wouldnt have wanted to purposely do wrong.

The backwards facing car seat thing - have people weighed up the likelihood of them having an accident against their poor child being uncomfortable on every single car journey 365 days a year.

Erm - yes - of course That's why you research and choose a seat which is comfortable.

It's not like you fold them up into a tiny baby seat until they are four :o they do make rear facing seats which are comfortable for older children, they are even fairly easy to find in the UK these days.

I think it is often a response to smugness, defensiveness (especially in regards to sleep) or in a bit of humour.

There is no point worrying about the fact the dd1 and ds didn't rear face past 18 months, the fact remains they were fine so no point in thinking about it.

In terms of humour, we used to get lifts home from someone with an estate car, two of us had to sit in the boot, we will laugh and say 'never did us any harm', wouldn't dream of doing the same don't have an estate car

It never did ME any harm” is really code for “I’m thick

Aren't you a judgmental one!

YANBU. I always reply to it never did me any harm with "Well obviously it did if you think its normal" I just normally get an eye roll.

Mainly to smacking and car seats!

I find seat belts uncomfortable but still wear one because the risk of serious injury or death is increased if you don’t. You don’t get a warning if you’re going to be in a RTA so you have to wear one for every journey.

Rear-facing may not be as comfortable as forward-facing but it is proven to be safer.

In terms of humour, we used to get lifts home from someone with an estate car, two of us had to sit in the boot, we will laugh and say 'never did us any harm', wouldn't dream of doing the same

Exactly - or going on day trips in the back of a transit van sliding around when it went round corners. Might have come away unscathed but we laugh about it in a 'I can't honestly believe we did that! How silly were we?' kind of way.

YANBU. I always reply to it never did me any harm with "Well obviously it did if you think its normal" I just normally get an eye roll.

I'm not surprised. If you tell people that they only disagree with you because there's something wrong with them then there's not really anything they can say to dispute it. It shuts down discussion and is a lazy way of arguing- as lazy as "it never did me any harm". You can have your own opinions about smacking or car seats- chances are we'll agree on most things- but if the only thing you can find as being obviously "wrong" with that person is that they disagree with you then they're probably pretty unharmed compared to the vast majority of people.

I hate the phrase “never did me any harm”. Not doing harm should be the absolute bare minimum.

When people say “being smacked never did me any harm” I really want to say “yes, but did it do you any good?”

Its not that disagreeing with me makes them "wrong" disagreeing with research is. Smoking/excessive drinking/car seats/smacking are all things heavily researched. So yes, if they were raised to see no harm in smoking 20 fags a day it obviously did do them harm, because they now think its perfectly acceptable. It's not a lazy way its facts.

Not using a cot bumper was Not New advice when I was pregnant in 1999.

I was smacked and it didn't do me any harm...I still don't smack my kids though as I think there is more knowledge around its affects and its effectiveness.
Interestingly my parents would never smack my children either. I don't hold it against them though (it was he odd tap on the bum only) as they thought they were doing the best at the time - when I was born, the belt was still used as a punishment in school

Yes @Mascarponeandwine

The car seat thing.

I had a Britax rocking chair car seat and my babies seemed to like being in it

But it's good to be observant of the possible risk

I remember replacing my cot mattress after that World in Action programme and Anne Diamond situation