Too hate the “never did me any harm” brigade

[lastqueenofscotland]

You know the type
“I drank through all my 72784 pregnancies and all my children are fine.”
“I never vaccinated my kids and they are healthy”
“My Nan smoked 749298492838 a day and had the lungs of an 18 year old.”

Personal anecdotes do not outweigh often decades and decades of research. There are always outliers.
And if people want to engage in risky behaviour that could potentially harm their unborn child or increases their chances of developing diseases, crack on. But don’t try and justify it by arguing with the science

Yep I agree. My mil is a classic. 'don't get why you can't give babies sweets and lard' (or similarly unpleasant rubbish) 'babies haven't changed'... Er Yeh but research has hmm and many children of your era love ended up with full dental clearances at age 5

Sadly children are still having teeth removed today even with better dental knowledge and hygiene.

My parents are in their 70s and prefer research / evidence based information rather than “in my day......” stuff too. BUUUUT my great aunt is a real fan of “ADHD never existed in my day, he just needs a firm hand and some fresh air” All said while glaring at my ADHD child as he does a wall of death around the living room AFTER playing 2 hours of football.

Hmmmmm.......

Normally I’d agree OP but I get judged for washing chicken on here, and I can honestly say it never did me any harm.

YANBU OP BUT - I similarly hate people who interpret research into statistical likelihood as a 100% guarantee of a particular outcome or behaviour of a given demographic. That is just as ignorant.

Seriously? It’s this that does my head in - there will be a lot more danger in life for her to overcome other than this.

Yes. You’re right. But I put her at an increased risk of danger. She could have suffocated in her sleep against the cot bumper that was there for appearances. She could have died or been seriously injured had I been in a car accident.

There are so many things we don’t do because they’re risky. Other things will always be more risky but that shouldn’t stop us doing the small things that have been proven to be dangerous and aren’t even slightly necessary.

Depends on the age of the person saying it.
If it's my 89 year old grandmother I just think 🤷🏻‍♀️oh well different generation. It's not usually said out of spite but the fact that she genuinely believes it was ok in her day. Doesn't mean I agree with her.

I was talking to my mum the other day when she informed me that my "stepdad" is annoyed that my children are in the process of being referred for possible ASD/ADHD. Apparently everyone is too quick to slap a label on children these days. This is a man who refuses to accept that the father of my children has Aspergers and ADHD - he is just lazy and full of excuses. Stepdad seems surprised that I'm not interested in the opinions/advice of a builder who had an affair with my mother while I was a baby and then spent my childhood emotionally and physically abusing me.

But don’t try and justify it by arguing with the science

Whose science? If its recycled from the press or online without sources I tend to ignore it. If the sources are tiny samples or from unrelated demographics or funded by vested interests I'll factor that in.

Even then you need to consider how the risk affects your personal situation. You cannot eliminate risk from life and its not even always desirable to try.

In the case of pregnancy if you are going to police women's bodies you need to be pretty damned sure of your evidence for your prohibitions (which seem to grow every time I look at the list).

I think a lot of people don’t have common sense anymore. I’m a mother of three, oldest 12 and I always did things my way. For example, never bothered with sterilisation of bottles. Didn’t make sense to me as to how using an expensive state of the art steriliser was any better than scrubbing with fairy in hot water, soaking for an hour and rinsing off with hot water 🤷🏻‍♀️. My kids are healthy, and didn’t come to any harm. Was told I was reckless by my sister though and that I was cheap for not buying a steriliser 🤦‍♀️.

You need to learn to nod your head and listen and then forget. For some people, the anecdotes are true, and sometimes what they say may resonate with you. Other times (when you use common sense) it won’t, like the smoking examples.

Why be bitchy about other people’s experiences and thoughts though?

Trouble is a lot of information can change too over the years. It muddies the water and can be conflicting. Plus the internet can confuse with its different sites and Internet forums where people advise different things even from the professionals. One day we're told that a glass of red wine can bring down blood pressure the next day it can't! ( for example) or this is good for you and then someone else will say it's not etc etc!
When it comes to food and drink all in moderation is a good place to start I think.

YABU. I weaned my 49 babies at 6 weeks on Yorkies and Smash potato - they were definitely ready for it - AND when I was a kid I was out playing until 11.30 most nights, miles from home with no 'snacks and water' like modern kids, then got up in the morning and walked 102 miles along a disused railway track to go to a school where we were beaten for good behaviour and given a bit of cold beef fat to chew for lunch.

Never did me any harm.

Someone has just said elsewhere that common sense doesn’t exist any more and I think that’s spot on. Slavishly following advice without processing it is just as bad as ignoring it.

Disused railway track?! Luxury!

@hingeandbracket yes! Came on to say just this!

I got utterly lynched on another forum for not following the lullaby trusts recommendation to the letter. Apparently I can't follow a 'simple' guideline.
Except they are not necessarily simple guidelines to follow. So you evaluate the risks and minimise that risk as best as you can. Especially if the consequence of not following the guidelines causes other risks!

When people say "Smacking never did me any harm", I also respond "How do you know what you would have been like?"

Slavishly following advice without processing it is just as bad as ignoring it.

Depends who is giving it. My doctor‘s advice is something I will always follow because I trust his judgement and he’s always been right so far.

Some people are overly anxious though - I had a sip of champagne now I think my baby will have foetal alcohol syndrome or I had some Brie should I go to Some people need to know that these risks are small and it mostly doesn’t do any harm and there’s a balance to be had. Pregnant women need to get on and live their lives too.

People did have learning difficulties and mental health problems , but it just wasn't spoken about as much. My mum struggled at school but was very good at crafty things and sewing etc and loved reading but always considered herself a ' dunce' ( her own words there) . She wasn't, but in the 1930s school wasn't seen as important as it is now and many kids could drop out of school and leave at fourteen and be taken out to go hop picking in September to earn money without anyone really caring too much. That really was different times and I doubt nobody really wants to go back to those days even if state education today isn't always perfect!
They did all survive admittedly, but life was pretty horrible.
I try not to do the ' back in my day ' thing as I realise that times change and we all should try to move on!

My mum used to do this with the ‘back to sleep’ campaign. Apparently I much preferred sleeping on my tummy and it didn’t do me any harm so I should put my dc on their tummies and ignore the campaign 🤨

They didn't have depression back in the day? Then why the f did USA have a f--king valium epidemic in the 1950ties? All those doped housewives, they just took valium because all the others did? Not because they wasted their good educations being undervalued skivvies and having to ask their husbands for pocket money like a child? Right. Suure. And in the 1920ties you could buy cocain over the counter in America. It was "totally safe". Haven't you seen the adverts where it is was specifically advertised to housewives? Happy, well-adjusted people do not need cocain.

io9.gizmodo.com/how-todays-illegal-drugs-were-marketed-as-medicines-510258499
oh dear lord. The seventies were quite funny as well
www.adweek.com/creativity/these-shameless-cocaine-ads-prove-70s-were-hell-time-be-alive-166927/

My mil loves to say that smoking in her pregnancies didn't harm her kids. Except it did. My husband has a problem with his sperm, it's complicated to explain but the sr told us that it's cause by an dna issue commonly caused by mothers smoking. Dh has never told her this but my goodness it's hard to bite my tongue sometimes

I'd never heard of PTSD before but after the Falklands war it was spoken about a lot more and made me realise that 'shell shock 'in WW1 was probably the same thing.
People were told to ' just get on with it' which led to more problems long term.
It's good there's more awareness now and people can get some help ( even if it's a long wait or in the form of tablets etc) and spoken about. It then loses its stigma I think.

She wasn't, but in the 1930s school wasn't seen as important as it is now and many kids could drop out of school and leave at fourteen and be taken out to go hop picking in September to earn money without anyone really caring too much.

School leaving age was 14 until 1947. That was when most people started work. Different times.

cold beef fat to chew for lunch.

COLD beef fat!? We had to try catch the hot splashes when mother opened the oven door. If you weren't quick enough you got nowt else until next meal and if you were quick enough you burnt your mouth but it helped keep the cold off a little bit.

Cold beef fat.

Bloody luxury, you don't you're born with cold beef fat.