Be honest: are you unpleasant at work? Why?!

[sevencontinents]

I have a colleague who is very unpleasant to me much of the time. She doesn't say good morning, confronts me about perceived mistakes (only to find that no mistake has been made and the mistake is an assumption she has jumped to), never apologises for this and makes sly remarks. I am not the sensitive sort and I actually find it quite funny that she behaves this way towards me.

So my question is, is there anyone here who can admit to behaving like this towards a colleague? Why do you do it? I am trying to understand her!

Is she like this just with you or with everyone?

Maybe she finds you unpleasant?

Ha@theboxfamilytree

I'd say I can be, but it's in a different way. When someone comes to me with a problem (and fixing it is part of my job!), I catch myself being short and rude about it. It's because I feel that the problem shouldn't even exist, that this is only happening because of decisions other people made and I'm the one stuck dealing with it. But I'm sure it comes across that I'm annoyed with the person asking for help, when I'm not, not really.

Don't know if that's really much good for OP tbh.

Thank you rutherhug for your more helpful input. I am not unpleasant. I would say that she is a bit grumpy but she directs more of her scorn towards me than others. I am new to my place of work.

I am unpleasant to one colleague when I can't manage to avoid her. Why? Because I really really don't like her. I think she's a superficial two faced self centred bitch and I can't bring myself to be civil to her.

Oh and I think she's unprofessional and more than a bit thick as well.

Because I'm surrounded by idiots?

I hope she goes to HR about you and you get sacked for gross misconduct @Ffsnosexallowed.

@Wildthyme hows that gross misconduct? Workplaces would be empty if unpleasant was on the list.

No.
There are colleagues I'm not especially fond of but I engage with them in a civil, professional manner.

Have worked with several rude people in my time! Currently one I have issues with I think is autistic (normally brush her rudeness off but today it got to me as I was tired). What annoys me most is everyone's reaction when I ask them what they think about it is 'Oh that's just Sheila for you...' she's not actually called Sheila btw! But when they say this it makes me think OK she must have a condition like Asperger's/autism as she can't see that there's anything wrong with it and it's just who she is, yet anyone else would be labelled as rude and unprofessional! #annoyingAF

People are vile at work for loads of reasons:

1. Secret shagging agenda
2. Got awful family and arrive stressed and mis every day
3. Naturally useless socially
4. Badly brought up
5. Deliberately unpleasant and barmy.
6. Cos they know bullying makes them more money.

Some people think I am grumpy at work. i work at a place with real systemic problems about who gets heard and who gets their stuff facilitated, and who doesn't. I've become grumpy after years of asking nicely for stuff to be done (by people whose job it is to do it), being ignored, and then getting in the neck when it impacts my projects. There are now certain very nasty triggers for me, which are:

people assuming I have missed a message that i have never been sent (I am becoming a bit of a dick about proving it was their fault)

more generally, people assuming that mistakes are mine, when they're theirs

people expecting me to show up for things at a moment's notice, that they forgot to invite me to, despite inviting everyone else in good time

people telling me that things aren't a problem when I know they are

People blaming me for things that have happened due to problems that I have identified earlier, but was ignored

Some people never do any of these things, get on with their jobs and treat me with respect. Even if they make the odd mistake, I am never grumpy to them. I am grumpy to the people who continually disrespect me and expect me to be cheerful. Being kind and cheerful has won me no respect, so now I am trying being a little bit pedantic and blamey (I know, it won't work either)

My ex colleague hated me, and made it obvious, because she felt the management likes me better (true). I got treated better (true) and I got paid more for a (not really similar but equally skilled) job (true).

Really, she had a management problem, but I got the blame. It was shit. Many days I could gloss over it, but other times I hated it. I understood it was shit for her. But not my fault.

I sometimes work with a right f-ing bitch, and I put it down to her being bitter and twisted. Usually nice to my face but slags me.off something rotten behind my back!
I'm nice to everyone as long as they are to me, we've all got stuff going on at home, there's no need to bring it to work,.we also don't know what any other person has been dealing with (unless they tell you)

Yes I get irritated because half the team are incompetent and I spend a lot of my time cleaning up their mistakes.

Could it be that she applied for your job but didn't get it? Or she recommended a friend and they weren't even offered an interview? She might be moody about something else and it taking it out on you. Which is obviously very immature and not on.

I'm a complete people pleaser (to my detriment sometimes), but I have a colleague like this. They genuinely don't see how rude and difficult they are to deal with - they have a negative answer for every idea. They're actually quite nice outside of work but in the office they're a nightmare.

I'm with @babyroobs - I'm sure that many I work with think that I am a total PITA but I am a perfectionist and expect those whose work impacts on mine to be at least competent. They often aren't and when the crap hits the fan it's usually spread in my direction and I'm tired of it.

I come across it from time to time.
It puzzles me. I just don't get it. I've got one woman at my new job.

No I’m not nasty to anyone. I don’t think there’s any need for it at all.
Everyone has some sort of personal stuff going on. Totally unnecessary to subject others to it.

I hope I’m not, I manage a charity shop so all my colleagues are volunteers, if I didn’t treat them with respect and kindness they would just walk out. I am fortunate in that I never have to advertise for volunteers and compared to many of the other charity shop managers I do seem to have an incredibly good team ... so I must be doing something right. But sometimes there are difficult situations that I have to address but generally the team seem happy.

Because she kept passive-aggressively turning the airconditioning off and turning the office into a stuffy, migraine-inducing hell.

Only to colleagues that are rude to me or have otherwise wronged me in some form eg blaming me for deadlines not being met in a mass CC’d email, for apparently not sending them a report, when I actually emailed the bloody report weeks prior.

I definitely separate colleagues and actual friends, so couldn’t really care if someone at work doesn’t like me, if they’re frosty towards me then I’ll treat them the same. Having said that, most of my colleagues like me and I have definitely seen friends die life across my jobs.