Be honest: are you unpleasant at work? Why?!

[sevencontinents]

I have a colleague who is very unpleasant to me much of the time. She doesn't say good morning, confronts me about perceived mistakes (only to find that no mistake has been made and the mistake is an assumption she has jumped to), never apologises for this and makes sly remarks. I am not the sensitive sort and I actually find it quite funny that she behaves this way towards me.

So my question is, is there anyone here who can admit to behaving like this towards a colleague? Why do you do it? I am trying to understand her!

• I have definitely made friends for life across my jobs even

One person at work irritates me in a way no one else ever has. I just don't get them. I work in an emotionally demanding job and they require as much patience as the service users and some days I don't have anything left to deal with them. They've worked here the longest, earn the second highest and can't manage even the simplest of tasks without some help. They make no effort to learn. They will be shown something on Monday and ask how to do the same thing on Tuesday.
I'm honestly not sure if they are very stupid or incredibly manipulative.

Some people are unpleasant towards new colleagues - I'd say that's quite common. She might get nicer once she accepts you as a team member

No. Never.

Like katielilly there are some work colleagues that I like less than others, but I am never less than professional in my dealings with them. It could so easily backfire badly on me if I don't.

I would hope no one thinks I am actively unpleasant. I have come across colleagues who clearly have very limited people skills however and I imagine there are times when I can be terse or openly frustrated.

I can usually work out why a person is behaving in the way they are and that helps me not get annoyed. I have read threads on here though that would make my head explode

I wasn’t unpleasant, possibly frustrated and it showed! There was an absolute incompetent in my team, seriously couldn’t do the job. I have no idea how this person survived for so long or why the top boss seemed to ignore the very obvious issues. Ultimately, a new boss arrived and was told how many problems this team member caused, there were so many complaints, it was ridiculous. Team member was sacked after over a year of support/coaching/not improving. Finally got my way and the horrible impact of this person was removed.

I actually probably am a bit like this at work and it’s mainly because I absolutely hate my job which means I take no interest in being chummy with anyone or doing any more than the absolute minimum and getting home again.
It’s funny because in my old job I was the absolute life and soul of the office, best friends with everyone, organising all the social events and now I just couldn’t care less. My colleagues would be shocked if the old me came into this workplace.

I'm never unpleasant but am sometimes direct and polite if I'm dealing with someone who is known to try to find issues and bitch when tasks are unbelievably clear. The reason for that is they have form for bitching and stirring and misrepresenting what people say when it suits them and they are quick to pass the buck and make excuses.
They've taken the hump with me countless times, but I've had my kindness abused and I'm not willing to risk my own reputation for silly workplace gossips.

I'm not intentionally unpleasant but it's my job to manage people. So yes some might perceive me as being bossy but that's my job, to manage them in a direct manner.

If people see me as unpleasant it's usually a failing on their part, I'm fair and show no favouritism but people that aren't fulfilling their job role perceive me as unfair.

I know this won't go down well here, but I used to change jobs a lot in my 20s/early 30s and in that time 3 women (in different workplaces) were pretty unpleasant but they had one thing in common -they were all going through the menopause 😬....

One was particularly snipey with me when I was pregnant with DC2, especially when my manager allowed me 1 day wfh for the last trimester, interrogating me to find out if I was planning another and said that in her day you were only allowed a few weeks off, then back to work and it did them no harm....

So it seems lots of people get cross if others are incompetent. Thing is, I am too new to really be seen as either competent or incompetent!
Anyway, interesting replies all the same. My theory is that this person wanted to employ someone else but got over ruled...

I have been perceived as rude at work. When people know me it's fine but I'm massively shy and socially awkward and diligent and task focussed and I just want to finish what I'm in the middle of. If someone approaches me I'm fine, I'll say yes of course or if I'm really in the middle of something I'll tell them and say can I come and see you in half an hour or whatever instead...but some people dont approach me because I'm seen as looking grumpy or whatever.

I just struggle to get my work done in time and get absorbed in it and am not really interested in being at work to make friends and dont want to be involved in all the bitching, drama, and falling out that goes on

I think trying to come up with theories is a way to drive yourself up the wall to be honest OP. You'll never get to the bottom of it in most situations and it doesn't change anything.

Generally I get on with everyone, I'm always pleasant and polite and expect to be treated the same.
However recently I did become obviously frosty to one colleague. It came after we were mid conversation about something, and as I began to speak she turned, walked a few steps away and began another conversation with another colleague. I was floored by the sheet rudeness of it. I stopped bothering with her after that.

Interestingly, she must have noticed as she then went out of her way to be nice to me, ask for my advice on things (we had a team reshuffle a couple of months ago and now she works in my old team) and generally was a much nicer person. So I've let it go (I'm too lazy to hold a grudge) and now we get on fine.

@Ffsnosexallowed thats appallingly unprofessional of you. Courtesy and politeness should be a bare minimum in a workplace.

I am not deliberately nasty ( well not often anyway) but I have been told that I am "scary" and that I have made people cry at work. My family think it is hilarious as they know I am a real softie but apparently I scare grown men somehow. It is true that I can be a bit sarcastic and not everybody gets my sense of humour but I never ignore people and I don't think i often criticise someone if I can see that they are doing their best. I don't tolerate laziness or deceitfulness though, so I probably have been quite unpleasant to people who fall into those categories. But I am not sorry about that.

There's someone that would say I was horrible, but that's because she was, and presumably still is, a cunt. Lazy and incompetent, but always tried to place the blame on others, and tried to take credit for others work. Plus one of those people that always had it worse, a drama queen and acted the victim when she didn't get her own way. I saw through her work ethics and wouldn't pander to her pity parties, which infuriated her.

I wasn't ever rude, just ignored her and when asked I'd be direct. I was civil when it came to greetings and small talk, however if she walked in doing her fake sniff and sob routine I wouldn't run after her asking what was wrong. Nor would I agree with her lies or treatment of other colleagues. Which in her eyes made me a horrible person.

I have another colleague that some people sometimes think is being unpleasant. He's actually not, just has some social difficulties related to his Aspergers. Plus has an amazingly intelligent wit. It's never nasty or insulting, but if you don't get it, his comments can come across as someone forcing themselves to make polite conversation. Despite the fact everyone that does understand that type of wit finds him hilarious.

I'm absolutely lovely at work, so helpful and kind to my colleagues (no, really, it gets mentioned often), but horrible at home because I'm so exhausted from being kind and lovely to clueless idiots!

I'm not a nice person really, and I'm so worn out by the constant acting I have to do.

Elbow you can't be sarcastic or flippant in a management role though. That's utterly unprofessional.

Some people act like professionals, others are just complete twats. There is someone at work I'd like to club to death for talking at me until she runs out of oxygen and falls over and paints her eyebrows on half way up her forehead.
I just avoid as much as possible.

@Sonti that's interesting. I'm currently expecting and am experiencing something similar.
I've recently been promoted to a level below her and my job doesn't impact her but she's had a real issue with me since. She's told everyone my news before I have, including customers and has even asked me if the management knew I was pregnant before they took me on.
There's been plenty of other passive aggressive comments that could out me but your suggestion of the menopause is interesting because she's around that age..

@DragonontheWagon good job I am not in a management role then isn't it?

Being rude at work is pointless and counterproductive. It doesn't work and it upsets people. Some of them are, or will be , in a position to get their own back. Being assertive is a different matter, though.

I try to be civil to all.my colleagues but can be short with them at times.
Usually when they come to.me with silly demands requests. Like the member of staff who couldn't possibly change the mop head because her dog had gastro and she didnt want to take the germs home. We work around children we are surrounded by fucking germs! Oh and she knew i was caring for.my immuno compromised mum but stood and watched.me change the mop head.

Or the lovely colleague who reported.me because i wouldnt "pass test" her battery operated lights, and if she got electrcuted it would all be.my fault. My manager pissed himself laughing at that one!

And the one who emailed me 9 times then sent 6 text messages and 3 angry voice mails (in the space of an hour). When i called back and politley explained that i was not in work and he would need to see some.one else he tried to report me because i hadn't responded in reasonable time and had refused to help him . Why had i not responded? Because i was burying my sister you fucking prick, which you knew full fucking well.
I am civil to these.people but i cannot bring myself to be nice or go out of my way for them. I work with nearly 100 people. 97 will say i am.the.most helpful person in The world and i go above and beyond to assist them. The other 3 will tell you i am the biggest cunt in the world.

@GlassSuppers I think it's more common than we think but it's not a subject people feel ok talking about. I don't think the MH side of dealing with menopause at work is recognised much and for women who are really struggling, it can impact them at work as well as the whole team. Also perhaps seeing a pregnant woman is triggering for some, who knows..
I also think though there was some bitterness from the colleague I mentioned in my last post about how there's more of a (seemingly in her eyes) work/life balance for new mothers than there was in her time (and this is someone who has 2 daughters and a granddaughter herself who may benefit from it!).