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Original poster

To ask you to judge our after school routine

101 replies

rosieposies · 08/11/2019 12:13

DSS7 lives with us full time, we also have DD7months.

I feel like we've slipped into a really bad routine since the nights have closed in and there's nothing to really do outside.

I get DSS from school at 5 as he does after school clubs and prep. As soon as we get in I start cooking the kids tea and DSS gets straight on the xbox (he's already done homework at school). As soon as tea is ready, he turns on YouTube and watches that whilst I feed the baby. DP is back at about 6, and it's then him sitting with DSS watching whatever on Youtube whilst the baby sits between his legs and plays and I cook us dinner. They usually play a game with the baby for a little bit or have a wrestle but screen time is always involved. Baby goes to bed at 7.30 (if we're lucky) and the boys then play MORE Xbox until 8, it's then tablet time in bed for 10 minutes until DSS bed time.

To be honest I don't know where the time goes, and writing this down makes me properly ashamed. The truth is though, with a baby it's pretty much impossible for me to have any quality time with DSS when DP isn't here and I feel like I'm letting the tv take over.

DSS has got a lot going on in his little life, he barely sees his mum, and watching Dantdm on YouTube makes him happy and I just feel terrible taking that away from him. But at the same time I know that I need to put some boundaries in place.

Help?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 08/11/2019 14:34

3 hours a day is a lot for a 7yo.

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 08/11/2019 14:39

Why in the name of all thats sacred are you cooking twice! Confused cook once and eat it all together. Or if for some reason (I can’t see one in your post) you need to eat later than DC cook once- feed them, warm up the rest for you and DH later. (But seriously- just eat with your kids!)

SayOohLaLa · 08/11/2019 14:40

Have you thought about a slow cooker then you can all eat the same thing (I say this with a 10 year old who won't eat anything with a sauce or onion so I get this may not be a starter) but it would mean you don't have to cook when you get home and food can be kept warm for a later teatime, meaning you could read or play a boardgame with your DSS, depending on how mobile the baby is.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 08/11/2019 14:41

3 hours a day is a lot for a 7yo.

I don't think it is really. I'd definitely try to have a break for dinner and not have them at bedtime but they need to chill after a long day of school, homework and activities. My kids play games, watch YouTube, watch the news, read, do homework etc on their computers and iPads. They also show me funny or interesting things they've found online so it's not all isolating and staring at a screen.

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 08/11/2019 14:44

You’re collecting DSS at 5 and starting DCs dinner when you get in, then feeding them, DH gets home at 6 and you start cooking again!!! Bonkers! Start dinner when you get home with DCs and have it ready for 6 so you can all eat together. There is absolutely no reason you can’t eat the same meal together as a family and have some conversation instead of DSS watching YouTube while he eats and then again while you eat.

Alicia9999 · 08/11/2019 14:46

I don't think that your routine is that bad, but I would discourage whilst you are eating.

springcomeround · 08/11/2019 15:02

It’s not ideal , but it’s hard work getting boys off screens , and I’d imagine that’s a difficult age gap to balance everyone’s needs . However if he’s doing extra curricular stuff and homework and has the time and inclination to talk to you if he needs to about any issues from his day - then he’s probably fine! I’d concentrate on quality non screen time at the weekend

mymadworld · 08/11/2019 15:02

3 hours screen time is a lot at that age and it's all very well saying a little boredom is good, yes it is but they aren't being bored they are watching a screen. Surely the benefits being bored having to find something to do and entertaining themselves - ok so sometimes they might need some prompting or suggestions, but do they not have toys, Lego, puzzles, books, comics or something else to do? I'd definitely suggest switching off at mealtimes and bedtime and maybe have half hour when you get in and do something together - he may decide to continue when you duck out to make dinner or he may want to watch tv/Xbox but at least he's done something else first. Ditto when DH gets in, surelya bit of interaction isn't too much to ask?

Original poster
rosieposies · 08/11/2019 15:08

Wow I wasn't expecting so many responses - thanks so much everyone.

@fafffaffmorefaff thankyou. I really needed that today ♥️

He always comes home starving so i just assumed it was a good idea to give him tea straight away, but it makes total sense to give him a snack and then all eat together. He has weetabix before bed so maybe I'll swap that around and he has tea closer to bed time.

Tablet time at bed time has been a bit of an institution since he was very small, so I think stopping that would be harder than lowering Xbox time. Maybe I could lower Xbox time and put a timer on, and get him to bed earlier for tablet time and then reading for 10 mins before bed.

OP posts:
GrandMoff · 08/11/2019 15:08

Why does everyone think board games are such hard work?? I love playing games with my kids. And what I've found is that if I give them half an hour of my time straight after school/work then they're much happier to entertain themselves afterwards while I cook tea etc. (Much harder when you've got a baby though.)

Original poster
rosieposies · 08/11/2019 15:11

@mymadworld he has an insane amount of toys etc, but he's not interested at the moment. It's all about dan tdm.

OP posts:
Wimbledonna · 08/11/2019 15:11

I wouldn't worry to be honest. You sound like a really lovely SM and your SS is so lucky to have you in his life - and his little sister. Your homelife sounds loving and caring and cosy.
The screentime isn't causing bad behaviour or addiction by the sound of it. If you think he's on the screen too much, what about introducing a screen free hour - and replacing it with an audio book or music hour combined with some sort of easy craft activity: lego modelling/drawing/printing. I think his life sounds lovely already though ... and computer games are fun.

feelingsinister · 08/11/2019 15:16

It is too much screen time and definitely too close to bedtime. Ideally he should have an hour screen free before bed so definitely no tablet in bed.

I agree with others then two mealtimes is making more work for yourself and means that you're not all sitting down together for mealtimes which I think is really important.

CottonSock · 08/11/2019 15:20

Even my 3 yo waits to have her dinner with us, a snack in afternoon. We ate a lot of pre cooked stuff in the first year of having two. I wrote a list of meals I could do in 10 mins. E.g pre cooked chicken with veg you just micro in the bag.

Coolwinter · 08/11/2019 15:25

It’s up to his Dad from 6 until bedtime. Just instigate a no screen time from 6.30 and don’t cook two dinners!

I cook every three days and do loads in one day.

shearwater · 08/11/2019 15:29

I don't see much wrong with it other than to have a time to switch off screens and do some reading together. Maybe hear him read when you get home, after he has a snack and before you launch into anything else. Then you or DH alternate reading to the kids at bedtime. Sit and talk to him while he eats and you feed the baby.

But it all sounds caring and cosy, try not to worry too much.

Purpleartichoke · 08/11/2019 15:49

I’ve had to give up my concerns over screen time.

Personally, I prefer Xbox to YouTube because it is less passive and the content is easier to control.

The only real problem with your routine is reading time. There should be at least 20 minutes every night and really it should be longer. I’d ditch the iPad at bedtime and switch to books. Depending on his ability and interest, you can read to him or he can read Independently. If he balks, make it family reading time and everyone sits down with a book. Baby needs 20 minutes of reading time too. We got dd a kindle paper white at 5 years old because it made it super easy for her to read at bedtime (she had graduated from picture books to text only chapter books by that point)

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 08/11/2019 16:02

Why are you cooking two meals? He's not 2 years old and it's not as if your husband gets in particularly late. It seems like a waste of time to me and you'd have more time to interact with each other. Eat together and no screens at the table.

Original poster
rosieposies · 08/11/2019 16:21

Thankyou @shearwater ♥️

@Purpleartichoke good point, we do do reading but we could 100% do more. His reading is above average for his age and we should really be encouraging this more. We did get into a good routine with a bedtime story but felt out of step with it, I think it's a really important thing for kids and will reintroduce

OP posts:
IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 08/11/2019 16:30

he has an insane amount of toys etc, but he's not interested at the moment. It's all about dan tdm

He will never be interested in his toys as long as he has unlimited screen time. Take away his screen for a weekend and he’ll take an interest in his toys again. Sorry but that’s just the truth of it. The screens are just so addictive to them.

FabbyChix · 08/11/2019 16:31

Never had limits for mine ever they are now 31 and 26. Ones an investment banker and the other doing a phd didn’t harm my kids at all perfectly balanced kids neither watch tv now

Caspianberg · 08/11/2019 16:35

I would definitely move to doing small snack on collection, then dinner together at say 6.30pm. With baby growing, they will be eating dinner also soon so one lot of cooking, dh to help you serve and clear up and everyone eating will make life easier.

CantstandmLMs · 08/11/2019 16:42

I think you need to start with meal times. No screens at meal times. I know it's hard, 7 months is very tricky and you've got a few more months of it yet. I found it got easier after 12 months to have the baby sat with siblings at the table eating the same thing and he is now very patient and happy to sit there (this wasn't the case before!)

LeighVitoff · 08/11/2019 16:42

I don't judge you for any of it as our routine slips in winter too, but the only thing I can honestly say I can't do with is watching YouTube at the table while he eats. It's just a terrible habit that is, at this point, easy to change. Try to get him to engage with you and the baby. Ask him about his day, there's nothing to say that you can't talk to each other while you're feeding and he's eating.
Maybe stagger meals so he can feed the baby? Would he go for that?

Whattodoabout · 08/11/2019 16:46

It is too much screen time for a seven year old imo. Do you all sit at the table to eat or do you sit in front of the screen still? Does he read at bedtime?

I think your DH should be talking to him more and perhaps reading with him instead of staring at a screen basically ignoring one another.

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