To ask you to judge our after school routine

[rosieposies]

DSS7 lives with us full time, we also have DD7months.

I feel like we've slipped into a really bad routine since the nights have closed in and there's nothing to really do outside.

I get DSS from school at 5 as he does after school clubs and prep. As soon as we get in I start cooking the kids tea and DSS gets straight on the xbox (he's already done homework at school). As soon as tea is ready, he turns on YouTube and watches that whilst I feed the baby. DP is back at about 6, and it's then him sitting with DSS watching whatever on Youtube whilst the baby sits between his legs and plays and I cook us dinner. They usually play a game with the baby for a little bit or have a wrestle but screen time is always involved. Baby goes to bed at 7.30 (if we're lucky) and the boys then play MORE Xbox until 8, it's then tablet time in bed for 10 minutes until DSS bed time.

To be honest I don't know where the time goes, and writing this down makes me properly ashamed. The truth is though, with a baby it's pretty much impossible for me to have any quality time with DSS when DP isn't here and I feel like I'm letting the tv take over.

DSS has got a lot going on in his little life, he barely sees his mum, and watching Dantdm on YouTube makes him happy and I just feel terrible taking that away from him. But at the same time I know that I need to put some boundaries in place.

Help?

The day does not have to be packed with clubs and school and homework 24/7. Poor chap! No need to feel guilty.

The boy has been to school, done homework, got home, had dinner and is watching his iPad (instead of T.V equivalent to us, books, writing letters in the Victorian times) life moves on. X Box, not so much but it doesn't sound excessive.

Getting out a boardgame is a crazy idea. DD (11) also loved Dan at that age, also got in at 5.30 an had homework on top. Absolutely FINE to watch youtube, chill out and much of it is very educational anyway.

DD is trilingual and top of the class and happy, so no guilt here.

Swimming clubs, rugby, at 6/7pm? Not a good idea IMO. He's done 9 to 5 (at least) already.

Honestly? I'm in my 30s, but when we were kids we'd come home and sit in front of kids' tv til teatime. Then more tv in the evening. We'd been learning and socialising all day – I don't really see the issue. When I relax now I read, browse the internet or watch Netflix, so it's not much different!

We did eat dinner together though, perhaps that's a small change you can make that'll also help with feeling like you've spent some time together. Alternatively, my mum didn't eat with us but she'd sit with us at the table and chat about our days. That's quality time you could incorporate into your evenings.

Oh Op don’t be so hard on yourself. Autumn is hard, babies are hard.

Way too much screentime - if you switch it off he’ll find other stuff to do.

No need for clubs and “prep” daily. Could reduce and just let him play or whatever.

Would stop cooking two meals, that’s just a load of extra domestic work.

Books/quiet play much better before bed than a screen.

Definitely agree with others swap the in bed iPad time with a sharing story! After dinner why not play a family board game?

MonChat agree totally, this is what I do too now DD is 11, since she was 8. 10 mins of reading, every day, before bed to wind down. Job done.

do whatever works for you x

Our after school routine is get home do ds 5 snack,he watches tv or plays until it's ready.We dont limit tv time but he hasn't got an I pad or console.

No, at 5 DD didn't either.

Her school, from 8 required her to have one, to do homework on it, to get used to using it. To look things up on it, to do powerpoinnt presentations on it

Things have changed! We don't even have a T.V, don't need one!

I think you’ve slipped into a habit of letting the screens babysit the 7 year old so that you and dh can concentrate on baby. It’s easy done when you’re busy so I’m not judging but you clearly realise things needs to change.
I agree with a family meal (no screens), chat about each other’s days. And at 7 I would expect a parent to still be reading to (or with) the child every evening. I still read to my 10 year old. And once or twice a week yes we do play a game of cards or a board game just for 15 minutes or so. He needs to realise there are other things to do with his time besides screens. My 10 year old still plays with his hot wheel tracks especially now with the dark evenings meaning he can’t play out.

You shouldn't 'ban' screentime, much of ipad usage is in the National Curriculum! Lessons are online, they need to be proficient at using it, for leisure and school.

OP also, talk at school IS of DanTDM etc, you have to let them fit in to an extent... and Minecraft is clever, it is lego online basically and that's what The Diamond Minecart is ALL about

And I certainly don't read to my 10yr old I did that for 7 years. She can read herself, for those ten minutes before bed.

@rosieposies just a wanted to say you sound such a caring lovely mum! It's hard with a baby plus kids do so much at school. Looks like they have a lovely relaxed evening at home.

I do think that's way too much time on the screen. My 8 and 6 year olds has some time on the screen but no where near that much. Does he never just entertain himself with lego or books or colouring or just play a random imaginative game? Could you do some dinner prep during the day (obviously hard with the baby) or cook something simpler? If not have a rule that screen goes off at 6 when DP is home. He needs to learn to entertain himself and that much screen time is really not good for him.

He's already out until 5 every weeknight with built in activities and homework done through "prep". Yeah encourage him to read a book before bed rather than going on the tablet, and encourage him to play with toys rather than spend as much time as he does on the xbox (maybe introducing a time limit, we have one for DS6 and he accepts it well).

Kids don't need to have every waking moment scheduled and accounted for. There's a lot to be said for being allowed to just relax and chill out of an evening.

There's no perfect way solution, so don't be hard on yourself. But it does sound like you cut down on screen time a lot. Here's what I would suggest:

Stop cooking twice in the evening. One meal for everyone. If DSS can't wait to eat later, then DH has it reheated.

Keep the screen time from 5 until supper time. After that, there's plenty of things DSS could do with or without adult involvement: Lego, books, drawing ... If your or DH are around then board games, cards etc.

No screens during meals.

A longer bedtime routine. Bathtime, shared story then DSS in bed for 7.30 and reading time until lights out.

It's not terrible, he's had a very long day at school.

I'd let him play on the Xbox for an hour between 5-6.

Then you all eat dinner together at 6 with no screens.

I'd have him get ready for bed then watch TV/youtube until the baby is in bed then he and DP can have 30 minutes of 1:1 time to read and chat together before he goes to bed at 8.

We slip into the screen habit at this time of year too. I feel bad but then I think they've had busy days I haven't been party to, had people ordering them about left right and centre, just let them veg a bit and do what they want.

I wouldn't let them have tablet time in bed only because it's supposed to mess with sleep. Not judging.

I really don't think you should beat yourself up - there are much worse things a parent could be doing.

I think perhaps you could have no screens while the children have their tea. You can have a chat instead. Then perhaps at 7.30 your DP could spend some time with his DS reading or chatting or playing as some 1:1 time.

I agree faff

Stop beating yourself up about it OP. You do what you need to do to get through. It’s really hard with a young baby. You’re doing fine :)

Some people's parenting shocks me. Tv while you get dinner ready is fine. It's the norm. Or it should be.

Board games? who comes home from work, knackered, cooks an evening meal and baths kids, in between board games? Some of you live a parallel universe to me!

“ Board games? hmm who comes home from work, knackered, cooks an evening meal and baths kids, in between board games? Some of you live a parallel universe to me!”

Absolute joke isn’t it? I’m only surprised nobody has said we should be doing crafts with them in the evenings.

Christ on a bike, it's not like he's sitting on a screen for 12 hours a day. To listen to some of these replies you'd think he did nothing else all day.

Honestly OP don't sweat it. We used to watch loads of tv as kids. Came home from school, neighbours was 5.30, home and away at 6, emmerdale at 7, corrie at half 7, eastenders at 8 you get the picture?

The only thing I'd probably change in your situation would be dinner and reading a book instead of tablet at bedtime.