To ask what you think of his messages?

[HeyMrWhite]

For a while now a colleague and I have been exchanging very flirtatious WhatsApp messages, but we don’t actually see each other a lot because he is field based and I am office based. He suggested going out for a drink for my birthday which is in a few weeks as he will be in the area. I decided to take the bull by the horns as such and ask the context of this drink/dinner. From his replies, I’m thinking I forced him into turning it into a “date date” and he doesn’t really want that 🙈 What do you think?

@HopefullyAnonymous no not a J 😊

Thanks everyone

I absolutely do not agree that you come across as desperate OP, that was totally fine. He likes you I'd say!

Hmm. Your latest update and his messages suggest to me he is kind of looking for a hook up. So be careful. I also noticed he avoided replying twice to your question. Just because you told him not to waste his time wouldn’t stop him trying anyway

Yep, he's keen and I think you've let him know that you are too. All good!

Argh this made me cringe a bit, sorry! You had to ask him twice whether it was a date before he relented with an ‘okay then, date date’. And in the interim managed to make yourself look a tiny bit... desperate? Coming up with a justification why you wanted to know (to choose an outfit), and then trying to back out and saying you’d made it awkward.

You’re not even seeing each other yet, should have just left it at yep we’re going for a drink, and then gone along and seen how it went. Let there be a little mystery and openness without jamming it into a ‘date’ category so early. Now there’s pressure on it and I can’t help but think if he’d wanted it to be a date from the off he’d have said that or replied in the affirmative right away without trying to dodge it with the laughing emojis.

And then the putting yourself down when he complimented you! Don’t do that! Just say thanks. The combo of that and the trying to nail him down for a date date weeks before the actual event is making you come across a bit low in self esteem. Give it space to breathe and him chance to wonder whether you’d be interested in dating him, now he kinda has you on a plate and it’s taken away a lot of the excitement and anticipation from those early days where you’re both daydreaming wondering about what the other person thinks of you.

So I’d say it IS a date date, now, but perhaps only because you forced the issue, not sure whether it was intended to have been so from the off.

I just hate the pussy footing around and the uncertainty of things. I’d much rather be honest and up front which is why I asked.

Also the ‘is this a pity date’, even in jest makes you seem really low in self esteem, you’ve made it clear his reluctance to call it a date date has got you thinking it might be out of pity. It’s really unattractive when someone is so down on themselves they’re putting themselves down, rejecting compliments, pushing for confirmation it is a date like they can’t rest until they know it has a label, it’s only a short text exchange I know and it’s good to be yourself but I’d kinda keep your anxieties to yourself for now moving forwards and just be chilled and breezy and cool and try move away from this dynamic where you’re almost begging him for a date date and then feeling insecure about the fact you had to ask more than once. He’s actually got a better approach lol. He might have been thinking he quite likes you and would like to spend some time with you seeing how things feel one on one but now it’s become a date with intention it feels a bit full on, plus he knows for a fact you’re really into him now. Which you might not mind him knowing, to be fair, but you don’t know he’s the same.

Over analysing I bet but you did ask for opinions 😂

@priceofprogress we’d been making jokes about pity dates earlier in the conversation, I wouldn’t have normally said that lol

But early days of seeing someone IS full of uncertainty so you gotta get used to that! Have you even managed to reduce uncertainty anyway? You still don’t know if he was planning on his own for it to be a date or whether he’s just been backed into a corner. You have no way of knowing how it’ll go or how he feels about you (but he knows you’re into him).

Enjoy the uncertainty. It’s less appealing when you’ve laid everything bare before even the first date. Where’s the excitement? If anything I feel leaving it more open and chilled initially brings greater certainty as you’ll see from his actions whether he’s into you and what his intentions are, whereas atm all you know is that it’s a date but that’s likely because you kinda backed him into a corner to state it right away.

Ah I see! I know it’s hard to properly see what’s going on from a few messages so I may be way off the mark. But yeah I’d dial it back. There are weeks until the date right? Be busy and breezy and don’t message loads/every day, keep being open to dating others so you don’t put all your eggs in his basket lol.

Lol, maybe I should just cancel. I’m not used to all of this dating malarkey. I was with my partner for over 10yrs from the age of 19 and we never really did the initial going out on dates thing. We were just “together”. I’ll text him later and say it’s probably not a good idea. Thanks for all your advice everyone

No don’t ditch him off, just have your wits about you!

maybe I should just cancel. I’m not used to all of this dating malarkey

No don't cancel - that would be a shame and he sounds nice. You've clarified what sort of date it is and got a nice response and he thinks you're hot so go for it. Just play it a little cool from now on.....

I do think him saying "let's just see how things go" is a classic indication he's not big on commitment or is looking for a hookup (it's just a bit of a cliche line) but I think a lot of men do this by default and can be very guarded and like they're hedging their bets, when really it could go either way.

I don't see why you should cancel! Unless you have really strong feelings for him and would be upset if it didn't go anywhere, why not just go for the drink and see what happens? It would probably make things more awkward at work if you cancelled than if you went and it didn't go any further - it would seem like you were making it into a big deal.

Just go and have fun, if he gives off a hook up vibe you've already told him you're not into that so you can just go back to being friends.

Ffs do not let the ridiculous overthinking of some of these posters out you off! You bloody do not sound like you have low self esteem and there is absolutely no fucking way anyone can decide he is looking for a hook up on the strength of five short text messages!!

Jesus what a bunch of bloody fun sponges.

I do agree that he seems to be a non commital type so far, but you have nothing to lose meeting him and will be able to make your mind up as to whether you are ok with his wishy washy approach 😂

Don’t cancel. But if he does, don’t chase him.

She’s asked our opinion and given his back story where he has clearly and openly said he isn’t looking for anything. That is what I am basing it on!

Stop over thinking it and go on the bloody date & have fun!

You were not cringy at all. And there’s no need to ‘play it cool’ or any other mind games. You wanted to know so you asked. From his reply he definitely wanted a date date. Just keep being upfront and strait forward. And let us know how it went ;)

Straight!

Go and see what happens, don't read too much into it
Enjoy!

This is the part of the conversation leading up to it if that helps?

It's a date date and well done for pulling and taking the direct route ! Hope it goes well OP x

Now he’s a bit cringe. 😂

Don’t overthink it any more. Put it away!