AIBU to think it might not be ok to leave a 16yo overnight with their younger siblings?

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

Just that really. Four children, all male (if that's relevant), 16yo, 14yo, 7yo & 8yo.

Would be home alone from 1800hrs until 0645hrs the following morning. Parent would be working no further than 20-25 min away by vehicle, which would always be guaranteed to be available.

Don't know any neighbours, however have a reliable friend who lives approx 1.5min walk away. Quiet suburb with virtually zero crime. Average ambulance wait time is 6-14 minutes.

16yo has no issues with it - is a sensible reliable teenager who can cook, clean, knows advanced first aid. The house has a fully stocked professional first aid kit and is fitted with regularly checked smoke alarms.

I'm being told that it's fine, legal, not a problem, but I'm just not sure.

I really need opinions please.

I think it's important to remember that it isn't the same as a babysitter. I think 2boys will often have a ot more respect fr the authority of a babysitter than that of a 16 yo sibling

^^ definitely this

Oh no I wouldn't. I remember being 16 and was definitely not responsible enough for that

I definitely was, though.

But of course, OP will have to carefully consider what’s right in their particular circumstances.

@memorygarden you’re implying that these poor teens are being sent to the coal mine or out to work in a factory 14 hours a day. How is helping out with normal family needs anyway equal to stealing their childhood. Honestly, the preciousness I’d some people.

you’re implying that these poor teens are being sent to the coal mine or out to work in a factory 14 hours a day.

Absolutely not implying that whatsoever.

And just to add. If you’re NOT able to leave your 16, 14, 8 and 7yr old minding each other for a few hours and behaving themselves enough to be safe, then you’ve done something horribly wrong with your parenting.

I think it’s fine, it’s 2 nights a month. If it was every week then maybe a bit much

If you’re NOT able to leave your 16, 14, 8 and 7yr old minding each other for a few hours and behaving themselves enough to be safe, then you’ve done something horribly wrong with your parenting.

It's close to 13 hours, 2 nights running - hardly a few.

Even the most well-behaved kid can slip getting out of the shower and crack their head open, or pour boiling water on themselves whilst making a cup of tea for everyone. These are the situations I don't think it is fair to put a 16yo in charge of.

OP, if you feel your 16 year old is responsible enough and that his younger siblings will listen to him then, yes, do so.
I, personally, feel older children should help look after younger siblings occasionally.
...kid can slip getting out of the shower and crack their head open, or pour boiling water on themselves whilst making a cup of tea

^This can happen with a parent or babysitter present. And these are situations where it is good for a 16 year old to know what to do--for themselves and their future children if any.

Kids should be kids, sure, but at least give them some responsibility so they learn how to be better adults.

Completely fine for two nights a month.

I think it would be really weird to get a babysitter when there are a 16 and 14 year olds at home. Especially if the older ones are fine with taking care of the smaller ones - who are not babies either.

It's fine. You've offered alternatives, so if the novelty does wear off, they can just ask to switch to using an Au Pair.

I did my gcses in 2008 at a very selective grammar school where being predicted a B in maths was a reason to have your mum and dad in to discuss your lack of prospects, so I know about pressure. I just think so little is expected of teens these days tbhz

@seeline I did my gcses in 2008 at a very selective grammar school where being predicted a B in maths was a reason to have your mum and dad in to discuss your lack of prospects, so I know about pressure. I just think so little is expected of teens these days tnh. And I didn’t say gcses involved one night of revision the night before I said you might be studying holed up literally not moving from revision the night before not that all revision happens the night before.

I babysat for a colleague of my mum the night before one of my English A level exams actually. The kids went to bed at 7 and I had a warm quiet house to revise in and 20 quid to spend at the pub the following day after said exam. Don’t see what’s wrong with that tbh.

It is interesting how teens nowadays are not expected to, or even supposed to pitch in at all. OP is working, Im pretty sure she spends that salary on the DC as well, she's not out clubbing or anything. 14 and 16 are able to take care of themselves and younger siblings. But OP should be paying someone else, not to disturb her close to adult children in any way?

I've got 4 children. I think responsibility for more than 1 child is a big ask for a teenager when they have to get them to bed. So I would be completely fine with a 16 year old
Looking after a eg 4 year old but a 4 and 9 year old
Not so much.

Personally I wouldn't.

I was left home alone for a full week with my 16yo older sibling in charge and a neighbour checking in every evening and my parents calling every morning. I was 12, it was the early 90s and we lived in London at the time. We were responsible, we got ourselves to school, we used the money the left us for food to last the full time (lovely maths learning) and we managed not to burn down the house, albeit I'm sure we went to bed pretty late a few times. It was probably one of the best things my parents did for us as we learned how to actually survive without them. I still remember it vividly now and I remember loving the feeling of being given so much responsibility. Why don't we let our own children do this? Crime rates are no higher, ok maybe knife crime in London, fire rates are far lower and technology allows us to keep tabs on children to allow them the space to grow up. We just see these problems because they are on social media. Bonkers.

OP I think so it if the elder two are willing.

I am completely confident that my DS1 (who is 15) could handle pretty much anything that came up as well as (or indeed better than) me.

He also has a phone and knows when/how to call for help.

Quite frankly, he is bigger, stronger, faster and (I suspect) smarter than I am.

He would however, probably want to talk about payment...

I can't imagine having to get a babysitter in these circumstances when there is a NT, functioning 16 year old in the house. I can just imagine how that conversation would go.

We have always done 'old fashioned' parenting where they are expected to carry their weight in the household from when they are able. Not because I needed/wanted them too but because I think learning to look after yourself is very important.

I think it's fine

“ We have always done 'old fashioned' parenting where they are expected to carry their weight in the household from when they are able.“

Yes, me too. Don’t like helpless people, personally.

My babysitter, who looks after my 8yo and my 5yo, is 16yo herself! She has other babysitting jobs as well. It's perfectly common for 16yos to babysit and in this case there are two teenagers available to keep tabs on the younger ones.

It's fine. And probably very good for all of them. Teens like feeling useful, what a great young man volunteering to help his family! I'd probably look for some way to reward him (maybe get in his favourite treat?)

I think if it was just the 16 and 14 year year old this would be fine. I think with the two younger ones it would be too much, and I can see why you would be uncomfortable. Should there be a real problem in the night, fire/burglar or similar, it would not be fair for the 16 year old to be in charge of two panicking small children. Is there somewhere the smaller ones could go on those nights? It sounds like the bigger ones would enjoy the responsibility of being left.