AIBU to think it might not be ok to leave a 16yo overnight with their younger siblings?

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

Just that really. Four children, all male (if that's relevant), 16yo, 14yo, 7yo & 8yo.

Would be home alone from 1800hrs until 0645hrs the following morning. Parent would be working no further than 20-25 min away by vehicle, which would always be guaranteed to be available.

Don't know any neighbours, however have a reliable friend who lives approx 1.5min walk away. Quiet suburb with virtually zero crime. Average ambulance wait time is 6-14 minutes.

16yo has no issues with it - is a sensible reliable teenager who can cook, clean, knows advanced first aid. The house has a fully stocked professional first aid kit and is fitted with regularly checked smoke alarms.

I'm being told that it's fine, legal, not a problem, but I'm just not sure.

I really need opinions please.

If it’s only twice a month (and children have no behavioural issues) it seems perfectly fine.

It should be fine.

My mother was single and trying her best for her 4 children. My sister understood this. She is very successful dentist now. So it Had no impact on her studies

She is very lucky. There is no way I could have done it. In fact I didn't.

I can't see any problem with this as long as the eldest dc is happy to do it.

Nope.
If you have to ask, you already know.

I'm in the perfectly fine camp.

It's infrequent. Oldest are capable, and willing. You can always revisit if they get cheesed off with it.

@Girlsmummy30, you don’t even need to defend the situation. It’s perfectly normal.

Jesus people have very low expectations of 14 yr old, let alone 16 yr olds. How do these kids function. No wait, they don’t. Their parents function for them.

I wouldn't but mainly because there's so many of them...if it was the 16 year old with one younger sibling, then fine but three siblings is too much responsibility imo.

However, I'm not outraged by the thought of it and if there's no other choice, then do what you've got to do.

Going against the grain here, I wouldn't. What if one of the younger ones has a nightmare, feels sick or upset, I think it's too much to expect of the 16 yr old who is presumably doing their GCSEs or A levels and needs to be able to sleep/work/chill without having to be responsible for the little ones.

I wouldn't be comfortable to leave my 10 and 16 year old together overnight, however that's because I'm not sure my youngest would cope with it. So I suppose it's child dependent!

I think baby sitting for randoms, being paid for it, and choosing when/if you want to is very different for having to look after your own siblings on a regular basis. Randoms are far more likely to treat a little-known 16yo as any other adult and do what they are told. You won't have that relationship with a sibling who will know each other and know how to wind each other up.

I think I would be more willing if the younger ones were younger. At 7/8 they are really finding their feet and a for less likely to look up to a 16yo sibling and respect their instructions.

I still think looking after 3 others is too much responsibility for a 16yo.

Jesus people have very low expectations of 14 yr old, let alone 16 yr olds. How do these kids function. No wait, they don’t. Their parents function for them

It's nothing to do with functioning for them or having low expectations. Are you that hard of thinking? It's about the 14/16 years olds who deserve to be just that, without adult responsibility.

I would have managed this at 16 at 14 even. I was babysitting paid at that age. Plus a part time job. It’s two nights a month fgs! No 16 yo is going to be head down studying for their gcses from 4pm til going to bed at 10ish. And if they are id be worried about them ! Maybe the night before an exam but not every night ?!

Have you had a 16yo go through GSCEs in the last couple of years Footie? The amount of work they have to get through is staggering. Mine always has 2-3 hours of homework a night at the moment. When revision kicks in it will be more than that some nights. Other nights they will be doing teen things of their choice to let them relax and relieve the pressure.

@Seeline it's 2 nights a month

Absolutely. So long as the 16 year old is responsible and the power won’t go to his head! The older two should be more tv an capable of looking out for the wee ones.

I find it deeply depressing that older kids are not expected to help out with siblings any more. We’re talking 2 nights a month max. How is that “too much to ask”?

@AmIThough - I know it's 2 nights a month. I was just responding to Footie's comment that GCSEs involved a night of revision before the exam.

I still feel it's too much responsibility for a 16yo - especially for 2 consecutive nights.

Betrand I don't think there is anything wrong with a 16yo helping out with the younger ones - watching them for a couple of hours in the evening, getting a meal for them, walking them to a club or a frind's house, no problem. Expecting them to look after 3 others for two nights running I think goes beyond that.

I have a 15yo and a nearly 18yo. They both do silly things occasionally, and panic if things don't go as planned. I get the 'help' phone call when they have missed the train in a strange place, or someone isn't where they should be etc. I am sure I am not alone.

I think expecting a 16yo to cope with a younger sibling throwing up at 2 in the morning whilst looking after others, or waking up to a fire in the small hours and having to get everyone out of the house, or someone mucking about and tripping over and knocking themselves out - all too much.

Yes it’s fine, given that the 16 year old is dependable and responsible.

Don't do it. I babysat for my sister thinking it would be a breeze. She has two boys and it was awful. As soon as their mum left they ran amok. I'll never do it again. Leave them if you will, but with a responsible adult. You never know what they might do as soon as your back is turned.

Fine to leave the 16year old overnight. 14yo probably OK depending on the kids and the dynamic between them. The 7 and 8 yo. No

That’s not how it works in every family. Not all children are left to go amok, lots of children have a good understanding of how to behave, and, more importantly, know that if someone is put in charge by their parent(s), they are to respect them and behave well for them.

I think it's important to remember that it isn't the same as a babysitter. I think 2boys will often have a ot more respect fr the authority of a babysitter than that of a 16 yo sibling

Of course that’s true in a lot of cases, but again definitely not in all families.