If you have ever cut off from family members?

[Darkbloom]

I have... I can state why if there's interest but I just want to know if I'm not the only one and your experiences?

It's been a couple of months now and I feel quite strong in myself for cutting them off but I still think about them every day.

Can't do link but have a look at the 'but we took you to stately homes' thread lots of support there

Stand Alone are a great organisation and do a lot to support people dealing with family estrangement.

I cut a sibling off four years ago, I felt I had very little choice due to his behaviours and that continuing to have him in my life would hurt me more. Wasn’t an easy thing to do and I’ve grieved ever since, it contributed to my developing depression for the first time and I still have nightmares about him regularly, every couple of weeks at least. I still miss and love him even though I know logically it was the best thing to do and I had very little choice. So many people who’ve never been through similar assume you just walk away and then move on but for me it’s been as big a loss to deal with as a parent dying. Harder in some respects as you know they’re still out there living their life and you’re no longer ever going to be any part of it.

It sucks. I had counselling and went to a support group from the organisation I mentioned above. But I know it was necessary and for the best and that it’s permanent, all I can do is keep moving on.

I cut three toxic aunts out ...it's very liberating.
I know they are not immediate family members but I was seeing them regularly at occasions and they used say what they liked to me, always rude judgemental comments.
Now, I blank them completly and told one to particuliar not to attempt to speak to me, my partener or my children. She almost fell over with the shock!
This is quite something in my extended family as you just don't cross these Aunts. I'm delighted that I did!

I did not know about Stand-alone. I wrote on here for the first time how devastating family estrangement is.i would rather have my family than win the lotto but sometimes you have to let go.i am struggling but I hope it will melt into acceptance one day. I will monitor your situation and send my wholehearted compassion and prayers for your recovery x

@priceofprogress I feel exactly the same way.the pain has left me broken hearted.i am so sorry for you and you are not alone. I cling to hope for anyone on this thread.all the very best x

@priceofprogress.have just contacted stand alone thankyou for the info.you have made a difference todayx

I cut of a family member due to abuse. Abuse caused me PTSD and depression, it was affecting my ability to parent. I received a year of 1-2-1 therapy and group sessions for PTSD, not for cutting off.
Cutting off was positive step I was meant to do a long time ago. Not to do so was enabling it and confirming that abusing is ok.
Rest of my family lives abroad so they didn't witness how horrible was whole situation. I was pondering suicide and just postponed it to next day. And next day. That bad. He actually lied to our family who knows he is very difficult but didn't believe THAT difficult I should do so (because you just never do that to family) so in turn my sister cut me off.
When I said I actually wanted kill myself I wasn't believed.
I am happier now. I will restart again very soon treatment for PTSD because I am not so well as I thought I am, but life is better without him. I miss my sister but I needed take charge of my life and this is price I will gladly pay.

My dd cut me off 11years ago. I still grieve and cry. I don't really know why. I live abroad and 're married 17 years ago. I feel we could have done sort of relationship and I could met my 2 gs, but it's not to be. The pain it causes me never gets less.

you have made a difference todayx

This is one of the nicest things I’ve heard someone say. I’m so stealing this phrase. Thank you @anniemac1, you’ve made a difference to me today with that!

I did, or rather my father cut me off but I have never tried to reconcile. He got a new wife who disliked me. He has not tried to contact me in any way, not even to let me know he was getting married.

I was sad, sometimes think about it and wonder if I should contact him but then remember my life is better off without such toxicity. He can’t have thought much of me to cut me out like that for no reason at all.

I want to cut off my toxic sister, she's made my life pure hell since i was born and still continues to do so even though she's almost 40 (I'm early 30s). She's just horrible to the entire family but i get the worst of it.

Unfortunately i have to still see her for now because my family is a very close one and there are lots of gatherings etc. When our mum passes away i will cut her off and probably another sister too (i have three).

Its a shame the devastating effect family (especially toxic siblings) can have on you. I've attempted suicide in the past but now i just detach from her, i don't communicate unless necessary and keep my distance from her. I refuse to let her get to me anymore because she thrives off hurting others.

I cut off my mum and 2 of my sisters because they are toxic. I was 34 weeks pregnant when i decided to go and stay no contact.

Its hard somtimes, i do miss the "good" times but then i have to remind myself that there was only "good" times if i "followed the rules" went along with the bizarreness of the family ect. And its shit when you see people with nice families,

It made it a hella lot easier that they were spiteful towards my then 2 year old and unborn child, you can tolerate a lot for yourself but not for your children

I cut off my Aunt and my Cousin.
They were more like my Mum and a sister to me, At least that's what I thought.
I had a miscarriage last year, They knew I was pregnant, Were told that I'd lost the baby and.....Nothing, Nada, Zip.
Not so much as a fucking text from either of them.

I waited and waited, Finally around six months later I get a very aggressive (Aggressive in tone) voicemail from my Aunt saying that ''I was just going to leave it, but it's getting beyond the joke and it's time we sorted it out, If (Fucking IF???) I've done something wrong I'll apologise to you ..to your face''

What's worst about it all is that they seem to have decided to stop giving a fuck about my DC, They could easily facilitate seeing them but have made no effort whatsoever.

I didn’t talk to my DS for years. I see her occasionally nowadays but never for more than a few hours at a time. My life was much happier without her in it.

I haven’t seen or talked to my DB for over 10 years. No big issues, no falling out. We are just very different people who have nothing in common and not enough love or emotional connection to keep us together. He and DS did fall out and haven’t seen one another for over 20 years. Neither DB or DS see our only living parent. I would love to cut off from her but stay around out of the classic combo of fear, obligation and guilt.

I envy people who have close, supportive families but sadly that’s not the relationship we have. It’s a very dysfunctional family. All looks great to outsiders (we went to a lot of stately homes) but just a horrible mess when you are on the inside.

Here's the current Stately Homes thread.

I cut my mother off four years ago. She was emotionally abusive to me throughout my childhood but I stayed in contact until she tried to do a number on one of my kids. The only thing I regret is that I didn't do it earlier.

It’s hard just take each day at time it will surely get easier x

After more than 60 years of bullying I have finally found the courage to cut off my relationship with DB. I have had therapy and that plus supportive DH, DC and friends has allowed me to take this step. I am heartbroken but my MH is better .

I’ve cut my mother off, she hurt my ds, she moved house and excluded me from all the details - so never let it be said I can’t take a hint. I did give her a chance, she blew it

told my dad I’m not interested in his constant criticism of me/my child so while I’ve not cut him off per se, I don’t bother with him, at all. He does not contact me either.

I don’t know what the dynamic was that caused this mess, I’d only ever been there for all of them, but they either loved to kick me when I was down, or put me down in the first place.

Life is better without them

I had no idea about stand alone, what a great cause!

Thanks for taking the time to say that anniemac1, that’s so kind. Really hope you get something helpful from Stand Alone. I went to their group support sessions for six-eight weeks a couple years back and it really helped me.

@Maneandfeathers I am in the same situation dad cut me off when I was 18 haven't seen or heard from him since. I have been tempted occasionally but I then remember how difficult he was towards me and Dsis after parents divorce when I was 11 and feel relieved.

@roisinagusniamh

I also cut off two toxic aunts.

One has since died. While she was dying my sister kept sending me updates on her condition but I really couldn't have cared less.

The other one is now dying. I actually told my sister this time that I wasn't interested.

I spent three years NC with this sister, too. Eventually I decided to meet up with her and explain why I had gone NC. She did apologise to me and we started seeing one another again - but I would cut her off again in a heartbeat if I felt it was the right thing to do.

Just because people are family members it doesn't mean we have to see them and enjoy their company.

And yes, there is a feeling of liberation when we have the courage to cut contact with the toxic elements of our lives.

I walked away from both my parents 30+ years ago. Prolonged emotional abuse as a child, that destroyed any capacity to form intimate relationships as an adult. I am in my late 50’s now. The decision I made long ago, looking back was the only one I could have made for the sake of my sanity. It saddens me that it was necessary, but I don’t regret it. My father has made various attempts re contact over the years, but I feel nothing other than anger towards them.

I am sad that a consequence of that was I also lost contact with my sister, but I have always respected her choice of which side to go with.

I cut off my DM, DF and DS 2 years ago. As a result the rest of my extended family have snubbed me. I was emotionally abused my entire life and only realised how toxic & dysfunctional my upbringing had been when I had my first child.
The pain is unbearable at times, I am grieving the living in a private hell. Most don't understand and I am further abused by society thinking I am a heartless, selfish, uncaring person. The truth is I live in fear of them and have spent a fortune on therapy to treat CPTSD and depression caused by their constant bullying.
They are living the high life with all the support of the extended family for being cut off from their "abusive" daughter. As the black sheep it is easy for others to assume I must be the bad one, no one has thought to ask me my reasons.
No advice as I'm only 2 years in, there is no going back for me I can only hope it gets easier with time.
My heart hurts when I see loving families out for a meal, mother's throwing their daughters baby showers, grandparents up the slides with their grandchildren at softplay. But despite all of this I am mentally healthier without them.
It's not easy but my other option was to subject my kids to their dysfunctional ways, and risk them turning my babies against me as they have done with everyone else. No brainer for me!

I cut off my sister 10 years ago, the weight that lifted was amazing. Sometimes people close to you in blood are just too toxic to have them anywhere near you or your family. Yes, going NC coincided with having DS, and I think a lot of people decide that they won’t let their children go through what they put up with