If you have ever cut off from family members?

[Darkbloom]

I have... I can state why if there's interest but I just want to know if I'm not the only one and your experiences?

It's been a couple of months now and I feel quite strong in myself for cutting them off but I still think about them every day.

I cut off my 2 siblings for good over 12 years ago and before that was very low contact. It has been a huge relief and the best decision I ever made.

Some very sad posts here.

I am extremely LC with my mother. It will become almost NC when my Nan dies.

DH and I agree that she is never allowed alone with our DC, and we will never spend time with her partner.

In a perverted way, her disposable behaviour to y Nan has shown her colours to lots of people, and it has saved me having to defend myself when the time comes.

The only fly in the ointment is my DDad. Who despite divorcing her for many of the same reasons I am LC, still tries to force a relationship on me. I haven't got a solution for that yet. But I'm determined to find one.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion I need to go back to therapy. It's a lot to think through.

*despicable, curse you autocorrect!!

@anniemac1 I wish it did. It helped me to get back to functioning but long term no closure, don't want to go into who I cut off but even though I know I made the right decision and could never let them back in I agonise over how their life is

@Agingdisgracefully. thank you for the reply. All the best. Fingers crossed we will all be ok one day as it does feel like we are wasting our time on people who don't deserve it .x

I went NC with my abusive father at 21. I have never looked back, and the people who gave me shit for it are now NC themselves

@BlameItOnTheVodka

I could copy your post word for word - this is my EXACT situation with one of my sisters

@priceofprogress

Thanks for the info, very valuable, I worry this will be me when my Mum goes.

Thank you

@CasparMum

This is my thought process.

I don't mind tolerating my sister for my DMs sake but should I hopefully one day conceive I know I wouldn't want him/her to have ANY relationship with my sister for fear she would carry on psychological abuse against or via my child.

I cut off DB over 10 years ago. He sent me a vile letter about something that had nothing to do with me and then let it degenerate into a rant about my lifestyle. I was so shocked that I cried for days. Then, I realised that I felt much less tense without him around. I wasn't waiting on eggshells for him to borrow more money (never paid back) or ask for favours that I wasn't able to do and then he would become angry with me.

I do think about him and I wonder if his current wife would let me know when he dies. I don't know if she even knows about me. I did reach out to him a few years ago, but he didn't respond.

I'm also not really in touch with my dad's family, but I don't know them that well and didn't see them very often anyway.

Cut off mother and a sibling 3 years ago, I know it’s better for my mental health not to have them in my life, however when I have days of feeling vulnerable or sad, like today, I feel a huge sense of loss

A bit different as it was my father who cut me and my brother off when he met his new wife and she didn't take to us...even though we never really did anything wrong. He never messaged or called to ask how my GSCEs or A-Levels went, he just did some digging via my gran to find out if I was off to university or not so he could stop paying CSA.

8 years later we have a big family crisis, grandfather is terribly ill. All family come together to say goodbye - this was the first time I had seen my dad in years. We didn't speak, but I could see the hurt and pain in his eyes. Later that evening, my dad called to say he had told his wife to leave, realised he had made a terrible mistake, and that losing grandad (who didn't actually pass until a long time later) put things into perspective.

The relationship with my dad isn't great, conversations are often strained or difficult to engage as I feel he missed some of the most important parts of my life. He has a lot of money and therefore if I need anything (washer broke recently) he's always quick to say "I'll buy you one", but I always decline. Money doesn't make up for the loss, and breakdown of what was an amazing father/daughter relationship.

You're not alone! i went n/c with my identical twin sister and younger sister about 5 years ago. They spent 35 years bullying, belittling me and controlling my behaviour, all under the disguise of 'doing it for my best interests'.
When I met DH and fell pregnant, things changed. they no longer had that hold over me. i had counselling for abuse and it changed my world. I saw that they were abusive, narcissitic and had always been. I had spent my life trying to appease them and apologise for being me.
When they ignored my lovely DS's birthday, I woke up. They were treating him as shoddily as they had treated me! He would never be good enough for 'their' family.
The last thing I want for my wee boy is to grow up like I did, never feeling good enough, feeling like shit. So, I blocked them. Forever.
Its the hardest and the best thing I ever did. It saddens me hugely, but I know its the right thing for my wee family. Its the right thing for me and maybe you.
You grieve for the relationship you should have had, the supportive family you needed but never had. And then you move on as best you can.
Currently, my twin is claiming I am the narcissist. But the world has never revolved around me like she demands it does around her. And I actually, genuinely don't allow her headspace.
I find the stately home thread a great help, and have joined a fb group to help address my feelings-the insecurity is always hovering!

Good luck, lay down your boundary and stick to it. Family is supposed to support and love you, not abuse you and enjoy putting you down.