Work issue making me angry

[CareBear50]

For context, I work for a very large multi national company in an office based professional role.

There is a lot of craic n banter that goes on, it can be good fun, although obviously work is always and without fail the main priority. The level of bad language is extremelyy high, which I dislike, but tolerate (for context, i'm in my 50s and most others are in their 20s or 30s).

One fella and I have good craic. But last week he has taken to saying "you're a c**t" repeatedly to me......."I know you hate it, so I'm going to keep saying it". Whilst I know he's only joking I have asked him to stop as I really hate it and find it rude and a bit upsetting.

I walked into work this morning and by way of greeting I got "good morning c**t". I raised my voice and told him in no uncertain terms to stop it....I really hate it and he needs to stop doing it.

He did it once again later in the day, which I ignored.

I am absolutely fed up with it.....feel like banging my head against a wall. If it continues I want to go to my manager and ask him to have a very quiet word....no dramas....no complaints. But just to say to colleague... "I've overheard care Bear asking you not to call her a "c**t"...so can you please stop as it upsets her."

I do not want to rock the boat or cause Ill feeling and I don't want this colleague to find out Ive grassed him up....Am i being unreasonable??

No I don't live in Australia.....I'm in the UK.

Just that I saw someone claim on another thread that ‘cunt’ is an endearment there.

As for not being a bully, you’ve told the bloke repeatedly that you don’t like it, find it upsetting and rude and yet he persists. What is that behaviour if not bullying? ¯\(ツ)/¯

If he were calling you a racial or homophobic epithet you presumably wouldn’t just sit there and take it so don’t take this either.

There's a difference between using bad language and directly calling someone a name. One would be fine down the pub, the other gets you beaten up. I'd ask yourself if you do like him that much, maybe he isn't someone you want to be friendly with.

That is an utterly unacceptable word for any man to use towards a female colleague. His professional boundaries are so far out of whack he needs a strong word from a manager. Frankly I'd be incandescent if anyone at work told me I was a c*nt. Their feet would not have touched the floor the minute that word came out their mouth. That's not banter - that's misogynistic bullying. Particularly from a young man towards an older woman who has told him she hates that word. I would go straight to your manager tomorrow and tell him if you are given abuse like this again you'll walk straight out and raise a grievance. Seriously. Make drama..it makes me furious that women put up with appalling conditions rather than make a fuss!

I’d probably set him up.

Make him think he’s said it while you had an important client on the phone. Perhaps you had to put the phone on the desk while you grabbed something, mid-call? Snatch it up after he says the c-word, and feign an elaborate apology to the ‘client’ for the inappropriate language.

End the call, say ‘Right, that’s it, I KNEW this would happen’ and go to the manager. I bet the office tone calms down a bit after that!

Have you tried

"I've asked you to stop this childish rubbish multiple times, i find it highly rude and offensive, if you don't grow up and respond to that I'm gonna have to escalate it to someone you will listen to" ?

Kinda

What you want to happen
Why
What will happen if it doesn't

Snowflakes everywhere

Keep a record and report to HR. This is crossing the line. He is being rude and unprofessional. What kind of professional organisation even allow this kind of language?

You've made it clear to him. He has said it again and ignored your request, knowing that it upset you. It's now crossed the line from banter to bullying.

If he does it any more, get HR involved.

Can you not just say to him that you know he thinks he's being funny, but he's actually being pretty offensive and you're asking him nicely one last time to pack it in before you take it further. Say you like him and don't want to get him in trouble, but you will if it continues.

It is bullying - and if I worked there then I would complain even if none of it was directed towards me. By such language going unchallenged everyone who hears is effectively being bullied.

OP
I so get this . I had a work night and an
Old colleague called me it in ‘jest’ I went to the toilet . Fuxker

Where on earth are you
Working as most sectors really wouldn’t entertain this . Vile

It's not about 'bad language', though. It's about him bullying you. If, for example, your name was Annabel and he always called you Annie though you hate being called Annie and had told him this severa times, that would be bullying, too - he has found something that upsets you and keeps on doing it despite the fact that you have asked him to stop.

I suppose you could try referring to him as Needledick all the time and see how he likes it.

"It's cunts like me that make pricks like you stand to attention."

Heard that forty years ago, don't think I've ever used it.

Probably better to record everything and go to HR.

I work in a banter-y team. There is still a line though, and you can draw it where YOU want to, not where he or anyone else decides it is.

One of my team can go a bit far occasionally when he gets overexcited, and it’s always directed at me - I tell him when he has and he stops and apologises. I can’t imagine he would, but if he called me a cunt even once I’d shut it down so firmly that he probably would move to the other side of the office forever and then get a new job somewhere else as soon as possible.

Draw your boundaries.

Some of you have asked who I work for. I don't really want to say what company I work for....but it is a household name.

I honestly didn't think of it as bullying... But maybe I was wrong!

Do you work in “Newcastle” by any chance, Newcastle in Wallsend ?

( I know it’s not there, by the way, but companies have a habit of naming their offices to the nearest large city the rest of the country recognises)

*Do you work in “Newcastle” by any chance, Newcastle in Wallsend**

No, sorry, not near there

It definitely isn't bullying

Of course it’s bullying. He knows it upsets you and he’s told you he isn’t going to stop. You need to speak to your manager.

That is an utterly unacceptable word for any man to use towards a female colleague. His professional boundaries are so far out of whack he needs a strong word from a manager. Frankly I'd be incandescent if anyone at work told me I was a cnt. Their feet would not have touched the floor the minute that word came out their mouth*

Correct, man or woman saying this to a colleague is intolerable.

OP, in the nicest possible way, you're being wussy and doing yourself a disservice with all this 'it's not a complaint' hand wringing. It is and should be a complaint. Someone is repeatedly and deliberately calling you something they know upsets and offends you. Would you tell a friend, or your mum, or your daughter, that this was just 'different boundaries' if it was happening to them? For heaven's sake put a higher value on yourself.

He is in violation of the Equality Act which defines sexual harassment as unwanted behaviour of a sexual nature which:
violates your dignity
makes you feel intimidated, degraded or humiliated
creates a hostile or offensive environment.

So - next time - very calmly, say - "Final warning. You're breaking the law, I've asked you to stop, and now I'm telling you I'm taking this up with HR/the boss if you don't stop."
Your aim is to shut this down rather than escalating it

If he does it again, go to HR. You're putting his feelings above your own at the moment. There is no excuse for his behaviour and it's a power move. Take back that power.

Yep guys you're right! I am being an utter wuss.

I hate conflict and avoid it like the plague. But I totally see I'm making myself a victim and need to assert myself!

I worked in one regional office, huge place, the staff were great, hundreds, kind of open plan, but desks arranged cubicle fashion, quite ok to work in.
I was advised when I started to try and avoid one woman, as she was “ poisonous “, by one of the guys.

Slightly strange, but I didn’t work with her at all, so all fine.
I did see some of her boorish loud antics, but her team were moved to an enclosed space, so they were kept quiet. Later she left for a new company.

I go to work in another regional office, and low and behold she is there on the same team, shouting, shrieking swearing, as were half the team, and the manager did nothing.
It was nightmarish. She made a lot of peoples lives miserable.
Mine included.
Hideous woman.
Cackled like a witch, at the top of her voice, picked on people, gossiped, maliciously, the list was endless.
She should have been fired for her conduct, it was shocking.
She wasn’t.
I was ill and left, when the opportunity presented itself.

so he continues do call you this even though you have asked him not to - hmm & "its just banter" right - shades of "don't you have a sense of humour?" mate - its bullying -pure simple tell him or send him email (better still!) & state that you have asked him not to do this & if he continues you will regard it as bullying & will report him to HR - you have every right to be treated with dignity & respect

@CareBear50
This is definitely bullying, you've told him you don't like being called cunt, he's told you that he knows that you don't like it but he's going to carry on calling you cunt.
What the hell is that if it's not bullying. It's gone way beyond banter. I hate that word, always used by sleazy bullies.
Bullies really don't like it when you stand up to them, I could suggest a few choice ripostes but I can be an extremely foul mouthed woman, especially if a man is trying to embarrass me. I'm over 60 now and it shocks the hell out of them but I find It really funny. No fucks left, me.
You're not me so maybe have a quiet work with someone that can help you.