To think that DS (3) shouldn’t be having 2 big dinners in the evening?

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DS2 (age 3) goes to a day nursery where he has his tea at about 4pm. His nursery tea is usually a light hot meal like jacket pots and beans, fish cakes, tuna pasta, soups and bread, and then a sweet like a bananas and custard etc. He always eats a good amount, of not all, and even seconds sometimes. (Nursery staff report this).
DS1 (5) goes to an after-school club where they offer a small snack only - drink and biscuit, fruit, occasionally hot cross buns etc, So of course when we get home (about 5.30/45) he is hungry.
We eat dinner together about 6/6.15, but because DS2 has had his tea at nursery, he gets a smaller portion than usual, maybe half what I would normally give him. Trouble is, DS2 loves his food! He is not overweight, but he likes eating, especially when others are eating, so he ends up wolfing down his small portion, and then cries and demands more (if everyone else still has food on their plate, he sees it as he must have food on his!)

I tried to praise him for finishing and explain that there is no more, but DH overrides and gives him seconds, and thirds, to the extent that I mighta as well have given him a full size portion in the first place! DH thinks that he is too young for food to be refused to him, and that it’s not a problem if he eats two dinners - I am worried that he is eating more than he should be for his age (he eats a hot lunch at nursery too, and still has milk before bed at night so it’s not as if he would be going to bed starving) and I’m worried that he might become overweight if we continue to do this until September next year when he starts school and after school club with DS1.

Of course I get that he has to eat something with us in the evening, it would be fair for us to sit down as a family to eat and leave him out - but I really think he should just be having mini portions of our dinner, and not get more just because he wants [edited by MNHQ] more, I don’t think he is actually hungry for it.
DH thinks I am being unreasonable and that I am ‘creating food issues’ .

AIBU?

Sorry typo *it wouldn’t be fair

Could you bulk up his with vegetables so that he feels like he has more but it’s all healthy? I do know what you mean as my DD doesn’t need a full dinner after nursery as they follow a similar pattern to yours.

If his weight and height are appropriate for his age then your DH is right and you are creating unnecessary food issues. Why is it so important that you control his portions? Learning to listen to your own body and regulate your own food intake is a very important skill and he won’t learn it if you arbitrarily control his portions and turn meal times into unpleasant experiences.

I think it’s fine TBH. He won’t eat if he’s full up. Kids don’t stuff themselves the way adults do. If he’s asking for it, he needs it and is probably going have a growth spurt soon. A good appetite isn’t something I would discourage as long as it’s well balanced.

Nursery portions are usually tiny, so what he's being served as tea is probably a lot less than you think.

Learning to listen to your own body and regulate your own food intake is a very important skill and he won’t learn it if you arbitrarily control his portions and turn meal times into unpleasant experiences.

Absolutely this^^

My 3yo has pretty much a full meal after her nursery tea (but she only has tea there once a week). I've always assumed that the extra activity at nursery evens it out. She doesn't usually have a large appetite but is hungry on that day.

Drop the bedtime milk.

More veg on the plate but otherwise I'd let him eat with you all.

Just feed him.

From 3 my ds has eaten the same as his db 6 years older!!
Bigger appetite. Both boney!!
Yabu to not feed your ds unless he is fat!

My DS used to eat a full dinner after nursery tea, right from when he first started nursery. Nursery always told us he ate well. On days at home, he'd often only have a snack like a crumpet at 4. He wasn't (and still isn't) one to overeat, I came to the conclusion it was a combination of being very physically active at nursery, fairly small portion sizes, and that he wouldn't go back for much more food at nursery as he'd rather get up and play. How healthy is the dinner you have, could you make his plate heavier on veg than everyone else's? Could you cut the milk at bedtime instead if you're worried about calorie intake, we stopped that by about age 2?

Following with interest, as I have the same issue.

My 2 year old (only child) also loves eating and wants to join when my husband and I have dinner. He also has a proper dinner at the nursery and sometimes snacks there before I pick him up. And he is definitely chubby.

Giving him vegetables doesn't satisfy him because he sees the meat and carbs on our plates.

We tried to eat dinner after putting him to bed, but sometimes he doesn't sleep till 8.30 and one of us would be starving.

So we end up either feeding him too much, or one of us has to distract him with toys/books while the other eats and then swap. The latter strategy doesn't always work.

I thought before DS started nursery that he wouldn't need dinner at home on nursery days because he'd eat tea there (similar set up to yours). I was surprised that he still seemed just as hungry in the evenings, so I carried on giving him dinner with me and DH. Then I arrived early to collect him one day and saw them all having tea - the portions were tiny! It really is just a substantial snack at his nursery, there's no way it could be all they have for dinner. Obviously yours might be different but I'd want to see the portions before limiting his dinner at home.

My almost 2 year old ALWAYS has a second dinner after nursery, and I never restrict what he has because he’s already eaten.
He’s like a rake, never still and if he wants to eat of course we let him.
Since he was 18 months old we can’t order an Indian takeaway without him having his own full curry, poppudams and rice as he eats the lot.
While nursery feed them. The portions will be small and a child won’t eat if they’re full without them ending up being sick.
I’d be worried withholding a full portion will be more likely to give him food issues.

Ok thank you for replies!
I guess I am BU then. Will serve him a proper size portion tomorrow. And bulking up veg is a good idea, thanks

Just to clarify - I wasn’t asking if I should let him eat with us - of course I agree he should eat with us - my question was about the portion sizes because he has already eaten.

PhantomErik Attempts to drop his milk have been aborted as he just screams and cries for it and we have bad bedtime but that’s a whole other thread!

I agree with your DH.

If he is not overweight I wouldn't worry. As others have said, he may well be more active, verging on a growth spurt or nursery portions small.
It is good he enjoys eating with others at the table.
The only other thing you could try would be to cut his food up small and encourage him to eat slower. Use plenty of fruit and veg . Don't worry or he will pick up on this.

Nursery portions are tiny! Let him eat other wise you will create eating issues

I never trusted that my DS ate what they said he did at nursery.. he was always starving and needed another proper meal when he got home. As long as the meals are healthy and your DS isn’t overweight, then I think just feed him. He will stop when he’s full.
You don’t need to worry about his intake unless he will only eat junk or is visibly overweight. My kids also eat more than me when they are having a growth spurt!

I suspect that the portion at nursery is actually quite small. So even though it LOOKS LIKE a proper meal, it might well be more like a snack (even if he has seconds etc...)
If he isn’t getting overweight, then I wouldnt worry.

What I WOULD do though is ask if him if he is really hungry or just fancying something else. I think children need to learn when to stop but to do that they need to learn to listen to their bodies and some of them need to be reminded of that (dc1 was one of them whereas dc2 has always known when to stop)

What we have done too is to never serve a full portion first. But give everyone a smaller portion, have some left overs and THEN ask if peole would like some more.
Having a bit of break waiting for everyone to finish, having to ask yourself if you actually want some or not has been a good way to stop them wolfing food down and not taking the time to check if they were still hungry or not.

While I understand your concern, if he's not overweight & what you're eating is healthy I'd just let him eat.
My 15month old had pasta at creche today for lunch, scone & jam for afternoon tea, , came home and ate a full bowl of curry & rice. Then was still hungry so had a smoothie.
There's a website www.toddlebox.ie (I think, something along those lines anyway) that my friend was recommended after raising concerns with her daughters diet. Has portion information that might be helpful.

Thankfully we are lucky that he is not a fussy eater and will eat everything, he loves his veggies.
Teddyreddy we try to have a healthy meal in the evening - this evening was spaghetti bolognase for example.

I’m going to try and ask tomorrow about their portion sizes at nursery too. Tbh I haven’t seen the portion sizes for a long time as last time I came at a mealtime was when DS2 was in the baby room. I always got worried when they said he has had seconds of his tea and seconds of his sweet, and then coming home to have another dinner - but I suppose if the portions are tiny at nursery this is not as much as I was thinking it was.

YABU
I agree with DH

I also think adding extra veg is a good idea