To think that DS (3) shouldn’t be having 2 big dinners in the evening?

[Userwhatevernumber]

DS2 (age 3) goes to a day nursery where he has his tea at about 4pm. His nursery tea is usually a light hot meal like jacket pots and beans, fish cakes, tuna pasta, soups and bread, and then a sweet like a bananas and custard etc. He always eats a good amount, of not all, and even seconds sometimes. (Nursery staff report this).
DS1 (5) goes to an after-school club where they offer a small snack only - drink and biscuit, fruit, occasionally hot cross buns etc, So of course when we get home (about 5.30/45) he is hungry.
We eat dinner together about 6/6.15, but because DS2 has had his tea at nursery, he gets a smaller portion than usual, maybe half what I would normally give him. Trouble is, DS2 loves his food! He is not overweight, but he likes eating, especially when others are eating, so he ends up wolfing down his small portion, and then cries and demands more (if everyone else still has food on their plate, he sees it as he must have food on his!)

I tried to praise him for finishing and explain that there is no more, but DH overrides and gives him seconds, and thirds, to the extent that I mighta as well have given him a full size portion in the first place! DH thinks that he is too young for food to be refused to him, and that it’s not a problem if he eats two dinners - I am worried that he is eating more than he should be for his age (he eats a hot lunch at nursery too, and still has milk before bed at night so it’s not as if he would be going to bed starving) and I’m worried that he might become overweight if we continue to do this until September next year when he starts school and after school club with DS1.

Of course I get that he has to eat something with us in the evening, it would be fair for us to sit down as a family to eat and leave him out - but I really think he should just be having mini portions of our dinner, and not get more just because he wants [edited by MNHQ] more, I don’t think he is actually hungry for it.
DH thinks I am being unreasonable and that I am ‘creating food issues’ .

AIBU?

As long ad his height and weight are all good then I wouldn't worry. Let him eat, I doubt he'll eat so much he'd be ill.

My dd is nearly 3 and some days will literally not stop eating, usually followed by a growth spurt. She burns a ludicrous amount of energy every day.

It's probably not worth the stress and upset at meal times.

If his weight is in the normal range then I agree with your DH. My DS always are ridiculous amounts, he would cry at the sound of the spoon scraping the bottom of the bowl. He is now a teenager and will eat half a loaf of bread toasted as a snack or 4 weeabix then eat a full dinner 2 hours later.

if he doesn't have a health issue i would just let him eat, he's only 3!

When mine were toddlers they ate all/ seconds of virtually everything at nursery, came home ravenous and had something to keep them going until dinner, then ploughed through that. They've always been the low end of where they need to be. DS1 had allergies so his portions tended to be bigger than normal as a lot of his food had to be customised which was harder to size as a standard portion.

If they're hungry and a steady healthy weight, let them manage their appetite.

My boy ALWAYS had a second dinner with us, when he used to go to an "all day" nursery up to age 3. He is a big eater because he is more active than the average child (teachers have told me this) so the dinner that he had at nursery at 4-4:30 was definitely not enough for him, more like a snack , and his proper dinner (protein, carbs, veggies) would be with us at 6-6:30, in bed by 8, and sometimes he would have milk and bread before bed, he is in the 25th centile for weight so not an issue. If he is asking for food he must be hungry.

Sounds like some good advice regarding letting him eat a bit more.
That said we have found 2 things helpful with our younger kids - firstly ensure plenty of drink is consumed - we often find that they confuse thirst with hunger. Also they can be creatures of habit - thinking that pudding must always follow main, even if they are actually full. If its been a huge meal with seconds, I might say that its going to take a while to sort pudding and we allow them to get down and that I will call back later for pudding. Funny how later on I get 'oh I'm not actually hungry now' in many of the cases when I wasn't convinced that they really were still starving and needed that bowl of ice cream!

I worked in a nursery for a small while and was shocked by how rubbish the meals were. They would tell the parents the kids had homemade pizza but it was half a bread roll with tomato purée and cheese on. Pasta but it was the smallest portion ever. It wasn’t an adequate evening meal, it was a snack. X

I've worked in nurseries and the portions are tinyou usually in those little ikea bowls ikea sells in children section. Even very upmarket ones. They are businesses run for profit.

Sometimes kids of 3 have a much bigger appetite than ones of 5. I often put it down to growth spurts. Also a 3 year old at nursery may be far more physically active all day than a 5 year old at school.
If there is not a weight issue, and they are eating "healthy food" not cakes, biscuits etc. Then allowing them to naturally control what they eat is far healthier in the long term.

If he’s hungry give him food. My 2.5 year old has tea at nursery at 3:30pm and has another evening meal at 5:30/6pm. Sometimes it’s a full meal, sometimes less if he’s eaten lots at nursery that day. Sometimes he has an unbelievable amount to eat because he’s having a growth spurt.

All normal.

My DD age 3 comes home from creche and she has had cereal at 8am, snack at 10, dinner at 1ish, tea at 3.30pm. Some days she just wants milk some days....like today she had 2 yogurts, a small bowl of curry and a small bowl of krispies. She wouldn't eat them if she wasn't hungry and some days I struggle to get a cracker or slice of Apple into her so I reckon let him crack on. At that age if he wasn't hungry he wouldn't eat it.

@ItStartedWithAKiss241
Can I guess! :
7 or 8 pieces of penne pasta with a little smart price grated cheese on top in the bottom of a plastic bowl.
It's shocking.

a quick google suggests that toddlers need around 1000 calories each day. That's perhaps 2/3 to a half of what you and any other adults in your house need. Considering the portion that a toddler can manage is usually pretty small it's not surprising that they need to eat often.

I remember looking up the calories for my older son when he needed to eat frequently (8 years or so) and realising that as he needed not that many fewer calories than me but would stop eating quickly then it was not surprising that he needed to eat often.

Sweetooth, an 18 mo eats a full takeaway curry, rice and poppadums? I'm no birdy eater and I can't manage that in one sitting since reaching my 40's. It's always going to be difficult for nurseries to determine portion sizes, my two were always overwhelmed by the amounts. Their childminder worries about how little they eat even now, they'd live on fresh air if they could. But other people were saying their kids come home hungry etc.

I went to one nursery viewing and saw the food they offered was marked up as kids eating half a pitta, when they'd been served only half a pitta and then left half (and then some). I really wouldn't trust that he's eaten as much as you think. He might also have been running around a lot if they have good outside space. It's best to be guided by his actual height and weight, monitor it monthly if you're worried, that along with his appetite will be a much better guide.

What is he like at weekends or days he isn;t at nursery ? Does he want to eat a lot more than your other DS or is he happy with the amount you give him?
If he eats a lot more than your other boy and is always asking for food between meals then possibly he is a bit too food orientated. But if he eats normal amounts then I'd conclude they are giving them small portions at nursery and he needs more.
Is he a very active child - is he running about a lot at nursery, playing very actively with other children and burning lots of energy, or is he fairly sedentary ?

If he's an active little boy who eats normally at weekends then I wouldn;t worry.

When you have the evening meal, you could do him a little 'side salad' in a separate dish with carrot sticks, cherry toms, etc for him to eat as well as a slightly smaller portion of your meal. That might slow him down a little bit so he didn't have an empty plate before everyone else.

It's normal to have three meals a day plus snacks.

My toddler has breakfast and a hot meal at nursery and I will give him a dinner at home too. They are burning energy while playing and get tired so they will eat more, if your little one is hungry then feed him especially if he's not over weight.

mylittlepony374 that website is really useful thanks

KurriKurri he is very active! A real live wire - they play outside a few times a day at nursery too. On days that he is not at nursery he will ask for a snack around 4 - I will give breadsticks, cracker, fruit or carrots etc and then his main dinner, and then he will not have anything, or ask for anything until his bedtime milk.

He only really demands food when others are eating, and he likes to have the same amount as DS1. He actually acts better than DS1 to be honest. I don’t know if he is food orientated, but he is definitely a foodie and likes eating. I am the same - but I am a bit overweight and have been trying to keep my weight steady, so maybe that is where my issues are stemming from on reflection.

My toddler DS always has tea at home with us after a full nursery day too! I don’t restrict healthy food and he eats until he’s full.

For example last week on his full nursery day he had fruit, yogurt and toast at home, then cereal at nursery, raisins for a snack, vegetable curry and rice followed by fruit for lunch, breadsticks for an afternoon snack, beans on toast for tea, then at home had a small ham pizza, strawberries and a yogurt.

He’s not even 2 until next month but has a really good appetite.

I’m another one who has worked in nurseries and portions were tiny. We would tell the parents they ate all of it, but in reality, all of not a lot, isn’t anything to be pleased with. It would always be the cheapest if everything, which is fine if that’s all you can afford, but if you are paying and think you are getting good quality food, it’s not great. Obviously nurseries won’t be broadcasting this info though.
So I wouldn’t worry that my child was eating a ‘meal’ at nursery and then eating again with his family later on. There are Very few small children who will over eat. IMO over weight small children are generally being fed the wrong type of foods rather than too much good quality nutritious food.

Sometimes we base our kids on ourselves far too much, we wouldn't eat two teas, but similarly we are much more sedate than a 3yo, I imagine he never stops at nursery so can only imagine the amount of calories he is burning! Of he's asking for food and eating it then he must be hungry, I'd be much less inclined to give him more food of he was asking for it because everyone else has it but he doesn't eat it

Also, given your recent update yes you are BU! However I am also overweight and constantly on diets and one of my biggest fears is passing this down to my daughter (only 6mo at the mo) so I fully appreciate how you feel

My 3 year old sometimes eats more than I do. Kids burn up a lot of energy as they're growing and, in my experience, never stop moving! Let him eat.

DD had a similar tea at nursery but at 4pm meant she needed a decent dinner to sleep through and not wake up hungry. Just a glass of milk doesn’t cut it from that time to 6-7am.

A friend tried just a snack and ended up with night time waking until she figured out her DD was really hungry and not playing up.

Just make sure it is a good balanced meal and I would anyway keep sweet dessert for the weekend, we only do fruit or a simple yogurt (plain with fruit) for desserts unless there is a reason for a treat.

My 3 year old’s appetite varies quite a bit. Sometimes she picks like a bird and other times she can’t be filled. I’m sure the hungry periods coincide with growth spurts or developmental changes. She’s always followed her centile line regardless of how much or little she seems to eat. Today she has been ravenous and has had quite a bit for all of her meals. Tonight as an example she had green beans, 4/5 salmon fillet and 1/2 a large sweet potato and she was still complaining she was hungry. Other nights she might have had the salmon, picked at the potato and had 1/2 the green beans and been full.

Agree with your DH - no point in turning meals into a big drama like that. If he's indicating hunger for healthy savoury food rather than snacks and biscuits then just give it to him. The nursery portions are pretty tiny tbh.
My DD used to eat unbelievable amounts as a toddler and preschooler. She's 7 now and eats a lot less- they grow a lot when they're small.