To think that DS (3) shouldn’t be having 2 big dinners in the evening?

[Userwhatevernumber]

DS2 (age 3) goes to a day nursery where he has his tea at about 4pm. His nursery tea is usually a light hot meal like jacket pots and beans, fish cakes, tuna pasta, soups and bread, and then a sweet like a bananas and custard etc. He always eats a good amount, of not all, and even seconds sometimes. (Nursery staff report this).
DS1 (5) goes to an after-school club where they offer a small snack only - drink and biscuit, fruit, occasionally hot cross buns etc, So of course when we get home (about 5.30/45) he is hungry.
We eat dinner together about 6/6.15, but because DS2 has had his tea at nursery, he gets a smaller portion than usual, maybe half what I would normally give him. Trouble is, DS2 loves his food! He is not overweight, but he likes eating, especially when others are eating, so he ends up wolfing down his small portion, and then cries and demands more (if everyone else still has food on their plate, he sees it as he must have food on his!)

I tried to praise him for finishing and explain that there is no more, but DH overrides and gives him seconds, and thirds, to the extent that I mighta as well have given him a full size portion in the first place! DH thinks that he is too young for food to be refused to him, and that it’s not a problem if he eats two dinners - I am worried that he is eating more than he should be for his age (he eats a hot lunch at nursery too, and still has milk before bed at night so it’s not as if he would be going to bed starving) and I’m worried that he might become overweight if we continue to do this until September next year when he starts school and after school club with DS1.

Of course I get that he has to eat something with us in the evening, it would be fair for us to sit down as a family to eat and leave him out - but I really think he should just be having mini portions of our dinner, and not get more just because he wants [edited by MNHQ] more, I don’t think he is actually hungry for it.
DH thinks I am being unreasonable and that I am ‘creating food issues’ .

AIBU?

I could have written this post myself a couple of months ago with my 2 year old. In the end we stopped him and his brother eating dinner at nursery (still have breakfast and lunch) and we provide snacks they can eat whilst the other children are eating (satsuma's, rice cakes, banana's, yoghurts, raisins). The staff keep my boys in their own wee area at dinner time to eat their snacks to avoid any baby/toddler tantrums and despite a week of teething issues where my one year old wanted what everyone else was having (my 2 year old settled in quickly), they are both perfectly happy just having dinner as a family at 6pm and no double feeding.

I'd be willing to bet that not only are the nursery portions fairly small, but the meals are mostly carby/sugary because thats cheap and most likely to be eaten rather than wasted by toddlers.

So it is quite likely by the time tea time at home comes around he IS genuinely hungry.

(Please note I am not suggesting for a second toddlers should not eat carbs, but this may be a reason why he appears to have eaten plenty but is still feeling hunger.)

In the end we stopped him and his brother eating dinner at nursery (still have breakfast and lunch) and we provide snacks they can eat whilst the other children are eating (satsuma's, rice cakes, banana's, yoghurts, raisins)

Each to their own but I feel like what you've done here is swapped a savoury snack for a sweet one.

Could you ask nursery to reduce portion sizes or at least not give him seconds?

He's much more likely to be overweight later in life if you make eating a power struggle.

Just let him have what he wants of healthy foods - the same you serve the whole family. Save your concern for if your GP or other professionals flag a weight issue.

I agree with others that at three he don't need milk at bedtime. He can have water if he is thirsty

Most nurseries are really strict about portion sizes. Unless you have checked - it’s very likely that their portions, with seconds, are even smaller than the meal you currently give him. I suggest just letting him eat and including more veg on everybody’s plates.

Feed the poor kid!! He's hungry.

If you saw the portions nursery give you would feel very bad that you are only giving him a small portion later.

My 2 year old eats at tea at nursery and then again at home with me and her sister. She’s on the smaller end of average weight.

I used to feel the same as you to be fair. My mum said that nursery portions are tiny and she wouldn’t eat it if she wasn’t hungry. She had a point!

I used to work in a nursery and the portions were more of a snack size than an actual dinner. I know most parents gave them their dinner as normal and none were overweight. Plus they ran round constantly so probably burned it off quite quickly

@LisaSimpsonsbff we were actually replacing a meal with snacks, as the alternative was that they would end up having two meals in the evening unless we ended up not eating ourselves or feeding our teenager until 9pm as the kids wanted to eat with us. I also don't consider giving a child fruit the same as giving your children sweets but sure.

Could you water his bedtime milk down?