How to get over mental trauma of childbirth

[Zigzagzzz]

Hi everyone, about 9 months ago i gave birth to a lovely baby. I know I am lucky that he is healthy and I have no lasting physical problems caused by the labour.

However, the pain during labour (even the pre-labour stage) was horrendous and the midwives just didn't seem to listen or care. Just being at 2cm was agony (nothing like the period pain type discomfort I believed it would be), to the extent that there was no difference in pain between 2cm and 6cm when I was finally admitted. Whenever I called the midwives I was told to just take some paracetamol, try to relax and not come in. I was sent home from hospital twice despite being in agony. Paracetamol didnt help at all, the midwives didnt seemed to listen or care, and i had to endure this for about 30 hours before I was finally admitted to hospital and could get some proper pain relief.

This has taken a huge toll on my mental health. I can't stop thinking about how the midwives were so dismissive of the pain I was in, and how I was made to feel like a pathetic little girl. I get flashbacks and find myself unable to sleep and crying at night. It can take over my thoughts for hours at a time during the day.

I would love to have another child one day, my baby brings me so much joy, but I don't think i could ever face another labour like that.

Has anybody else experienced feelings like this before? How did you overcome it? Were you ever able to bring yourself to have another child?

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer. The memories of my labour are becoming all-consuming and impacting on my daily life, but I don't know how to 'let it go' and stop thinking about it.

I’m in the sane boat Op, I went into labour was fobbed off 3 times told to take pain relief for 16 hours. When I got to the hospital I was in total agony something I couldn’t describe. I was 9cm when I got there & baby was back to back, I was having cluster contractions every 30 seconds. They didn’t check my baby was back to back before & I struggled to get him out as id not eaten for 16 hours as I was throwing up. I am dreading my next baby as it was the worst pain ever! I am hoping the midwives will take my pain seriously next time due to it being my second baby & knowing how I feel from the first time. By the time I got there I had no options other than G&A as my babies head had already engaged. Good luck Op and closer to the time post again I’m sure you’ll receive lots of support here

Op, if your that terrified of a natural birth what about considering an epidural or C section? I am seriously considering a C section after I had severe 2nd degree tears very almost 3rd it took nearly 2 hours to stitch me back up

Would you want to speak to your gp? they'll hopefully be able to point you in the right direction.
I had horrible flashbacks and awful pangs of guilt/shame surrounding the birth of dd for a couple of years. I didn't speak to anyone about it as I thought it was normal but it really wasn't. Now they have stopped and I am for the most part "over it" now she's 4 but I wish I had asked for help at the time.

They do not admit unless extenuating circumstances before 3cm

Make that 5 cms here.

The best solutions is remain mobile and rock on a birthing ball, it really works! Lying down (which you have to for pain relief ) is the worst position.

Depends on the position of your baby. Dc1 was back to back, pushing into my sciatic nerve. Every contraction went from my back to my thighs and locked my leg muscles up. Being on a birthing ball was not in the slightlest bit helpful for the pain and it felt frankly terrifying when my legs weren't working properly.

That's the thing, there is no one way which will work for everyone.

This was me 7 years ago. I could t even phantom having another child. I was in therapy for 6 years. Then I decided that we did want another and only after my GP promised that I would get listened to. I asked for a c section and everyone has been so supportive. Nothing but. I said I’d have an abortion unless I was granted a c section, I was so traumatised. I was met with zero resistance. My second birth was so different. I loved my section, it was calm and controlled despite me going into labour before my section date. Yea it hurt, yes it was hard. Yes it tricky.
But nothing compared to the trauma of my first labour. The pain from my section was nothing compared to the trauma of being butchered by a forceps and episiotomy delivery. My consultant told me it was cheaper than the amount of money my emergency forceps, and trauma counselling has cost the nhs too.

I actually want to just go to a different hospital as midwife is being so adamant I won't be having a c section and has written in my notes I'm only to have one if it's needed in an emergency

Also asked about an epidural and she said I can try to go as long as I can first without any pain relief

@Zigzagzzz I had an experience similar to yours,it was horrific and I know I truly will never have another child because of it.I still get emotion thinking about it after nearly 6 yrs

Its been 2 years and im still not over it. Its better as i can now talk about it without crying but i truly was traumatised for a long time.

I didnt get the hospital until i was 6cm and in awful pain. I honestly thought that yes the pain is going to get worse but the drugs and support from midwife would make it better. Nope.

I literally felt like a piece of meat. I remember being cut and the cap going onto the babys head. I have never felt pain like it.

I was bitter for a long time that they left me in labour for 37 hours and made me push for hours more while connected to that fucking drip. My child wasnt breathing when he came out but thankfully came around.

I completely understand how you feel. You didnt expect it to be a nice experience and fully anticipate the pain but you dont expect that level of torture. There was nothing natural about my birth and millions of other women no doubt feel the same.

I could have written this too. It’s horrible to read this thread and see how many women have the same experience. DS1’s birth was, in my eyes, horrendous with lack of access to pain relief, no control, dismissive staff, the sense of being a piece of meat someone mentioned earlier... I cried every time I talked about it for months. On paper however it’s a normal delivery, although they did apologise for the ‘delay’ in access to pain relief at my Afterthoughts session

I am 15 weeks pregnant with DC2 and the only way I can cope with the thought of doing it again is not to think about it, IYSWIM. I’m hoping to get to my next midwife appt and start being vocal about an ELCS, which I’m almost certain is what I want. Not that I think that’s an easy option either.

OP wishing you all the best and I agree with all those who said go to the GP and see if there is some counselling/EMDR therapy you can access.

I had an elective section after counselling with a specialist, it's at a teaching hospital & he was a consultant psychiatrist who specifically deals with tokophobia cases, e.g. counselling after birth trauma before or during subsequent pregnancy. I went to my GP who referred me to the prenatal mental health unit covering my NHS area, who put me on his Therapy.
It was very helpful.

I also had a referral to a local PTSD support group I E for violent crime and terrorism victims, abuse victims mostly but I wasn't the only one there in my medical trauma situation, of the regular attendees there were 2 other women too. And I only went for a few weeks!

Find out what's available in your NHS area. My GP didn't know but took a week to consider referral routes by discussion with colleagues with links to mental health specialists.

@GrumpyHoonMain A birth plan is just that... a plan. Don't think for one single second that everyone gets the lovely peaceful birthing experience that we would all love to have had. Strictly speaking, on paper, my daughter's birth went 'to plan'.

In reality, I went into labour at 34 weeks, labour lasted a full week before she was born. I was made to meet with the SCBU team who'd most likely be taking care of her, I had to have conversations about whether she'd be able to breathe for herself properly, foetal distress, not to mention being talked out of my epidural for what to turned out to be a very traumatic vaginal delivery I did not want (I was scheduled for an elective section at 39 weeks), low APGAR score, having her rushed away for oxygen etc... No amount of reading and deep breathing stops that causing trauma.

I relate entirely to what you have gone through ( I had the same experience with my now 10 month old) I have one main piece of advice. Contact the hospital and ask for a debrief. They can explain what happened and help you understand why. For me this gave the confidence to want another as I knew what could have been done to prevent the worst of the agony ( requesting an epidural basically). Looking back I was so uniformed before the birth ( and very misled by natural birth messaging and NCT classes). Good luck

I chose never to have another child. I could have fought for a C-section (and it would have been a fight as I did ask about the possibility when we briefly considered having a second child and was given an adamant 'absolutely not') I suppose, but didn't really want to have that battle, and they're not a walk in the park either and have their own risks.

It's six years and I'm not completely over it so I don't really know what to say, except it is better than it was so time must help somewhat.

@VisionsofJohanna wishing you the best of luck :) i hear elective sections are so much easier. They say i can have one next time too and i will make sure i get one.

Thanks @Beaverdam and good luck to you too (and all the other women going through similar)

I totally understand. I had a horrific first birth although thankfully we were both fine, but it changed me as a person. I cried myself to sleep every night for six months afterwards and I very much relate to what you have posted about being in agony and being treated dismissively. I had an elective c section for my second child 18 months later and refused to have any internal examinations at all. My elective c section was a good experience. My oldest is ten now and I have been ok for a good few years, but I did feel very lonely and that no-one understood how this experience had shattered me. So well done for speaking up and I hope you have a supportive family and partner like I did/do.

Update: I've booked a gp appointment to request some counselling/therapy and see what other help may be available. Hopefully there will be something that can help. Thank you all again for your kind words.

Zigzag that’s excellent news. Hopefully, your GP will refer you to perinatal mental health.

However, when this happened to me that were very into do you have PND and nothing else. If you have PTSD you may also have PND. I didn’t. They kept assessing me for signs of PND which I didn’t have. My Trust are slowly becoming more aware.

The sent me to see a counsellor but the counsellors role was to see women who were terrified about giving birth (and anyone who makes a maternal request c-section) rather than a trauma counsellor.

Good luck and please keep us updated.

It does get better (slowly). I’m at now pregnant with number two.