To feel rather like slapping my friend right now

[bagpuss90]

I am partially deaf in one ear-I only have around 40% hearing. It’s not a type of deafness that can be helped with a hearing aid. So I basically just get on with it. I struggle to hear people in noisy environments. But generally i manage okay. I was out with my friend yesterday and she’d obviously asked me something and I hadn’t heard a word. She then bellows HELLOOO -earth to (my name) come in please ffs. She knows about my deafness - I didn’t say anything -I let it go.Obviously I’m not going to slap her -bu it actually really pissed me off. There were other people there I’m not stupid-I’m not ignorant -I have partial hearing . Im really tempted to send her a text telling her what I think of her . Any thoughts ?

If I did that to any of the kids at work who have hearing loss, I'd be fucking fired - and I'd deserve it if one of them lamped me for it first.

She was a cunt. Tell her - in a text if you prefer, as it's your choice how to communicate/whether you ever want to see her again - exactly what you want to say.

@bagpuss90

I could have written this. I am completely deaf in one ear and losing hearing rapidly in the other. Like you, hearing aids are not suitable for my type of hearing loss due to the illness I have. The situation you describe is so familiar to me from friends, family, shop staff etc. I get the ‘Helloooo, earth to you’, it’s so humiliating. No one would treat a blind person in a similarly humiliating way for tapping around your table With their stick in a restaurant. Why do people think it’s acceptable to do it to someone with hearing loss. I don’t choose to have this illness, I didn’t ask for it. One of the worst things is when someone makes a passing remark that everyone else’s hears and when you ask them to repeat it because you didn’t hear it they simple say ‘oh it doesn’t matter, it wasn’t important’. It IS important, because you instantly feel excluded. I would definitely tell her how you feel and hopefully she will be a bit more sensitive about it in future.

At the least it was insensitive and hurtful. Tell her how it made you feel or else it will fester and grow out of proportion, all the best, it must be very trying dealing with this issue.

I also think you're over reacting, I have a friend who is partially deaf, she does have hearing aids, but refuses to wear them, and making conversation with her is incredibly difficult and frustrating for everyone including her. Sometimes you need to repeat the same silly comment several times, and it just becomes cringe because it was never very important in the first place and was just a throwaway comment.

It’s hardly the same thing, is it? Hearing aids can’t help OP.

As much as people should always have empathy sometimes you do just say something you shouldn't out of frustration

And when you do “say something you shouldn’t out of frustration”, you’re being disablist and offensive. Would you snap at someone with arthritis because they couldn’t walk as fast as you? Even if it is frustrating to walk slowly, or not as far as you’d like, you’d be a total cunt if you did. It’s exactly the same situation.

She’s deserving of a slap . I have a dear friend and when we meet for lunch I make sure it’s away from lots of loud chat and music as I can see her discomfort - also at other events when lots of people are talking at once . It’s hell for her - she smiles throughout it all .

I have brought this thread to the attention of MNHQ. I don't want it deleted. I want all the ignorant posts to stand with their ignorance exposed - the ones about learning BSL, assuming hearing aids are a magic wand (they're not - they help some people, a bit, in the right circumstances) and thinking people's annoyance at having to repeat themselves is more deserving of consideration than ensuring the person with hearing loss understands and is included. This is the sort of crap I have lived with daily all my life. Hearing difficulties really are the Cinderella of disabilities.

She's been rude and mean. Wish I had magic powers and could make her go completely deaf for a few weeks to see if she could learn some understanding

We're grateful that this thread has been reported to us as we want to reinforce the views of some posters and ask EVERYONE to be empathetic when giving their views around hearing loss.

The lives of those with a disability are undoubtedly the most impacted and we'd ask that people remember that when posting.

Or my particular favourite,putting in my hearing aid so someone can tell me something.And they mouth it.Fecking hilarious,thats never been done before.

My hearing loss is certain frequencies, some people I can just about understand their speaking, others not a bloody chance and this is with my hearing aids and them being a couple of feet away from me but whilst I can't hear them speaking I can hear the bleep of someone entering the warehouse fifty feet away.. My hearing aids are useless in my workplace they seem to work against me ..

People just don't understand it and get frustrated repeating themselves my DH is the worse , it's just so isolating and people don't realise or have the patience

Thank you for all the lovely and constructive comments. I’m a bit 😮 at some of the not so lovely ones . For the record I was sat next to my friend and she was on my “bad ear” side. I do try to sit opposite people-but it just wasn’t possible on this occasion as there were too many of us for that to happen. I think I cope well with my hearing loss. I run my own business. I enjoy life. I am a long way away from needing to learn sign language. Also I can laugh at myself. I don’t take myself too seriously .

I suggest that if she is this rude and inconsiderate again you show her some sign language - some of the universal, easy to understand, two fingered type.

You're not being unreasonable OP. My DH has the exact same thing and has experienced something similer recently. It's patronizing and rude!!

However, I think you should speak to her and let her know the reason you didn't respond the first few times she called you.
It took me so long to understand and adapt to my husbands hearing loss. It's easier said than done.

On a positive note.I went to get my hair cut today.Usually i dread it.They talk too much and way too low.

The woman i got today was really good.Didnt really talk but when she did it was clear.I actually felt good leaving the salon rather than embarrassed like i usually am.