To feel rather like slapping my friend right now

[bagpuss90]

I am partially deaf in one ear-I only have around 40% hearing. It’s not a type of deafness that can be helped with a hearing aid. So I basically just get on with it. I struggle to hear people in noisy environments. But generally i manage okay. I was out with my friend yesterday and she’d obviously asked me something and I hadn’t heard a word. She then bellows HELLOOO -earth to (my name) come in please ffs. She knows about my deafness - I didn’t say anything -I let it go.Obviously I’m not going to slap her -bu it actually really pissed me off. There were other people there I’m not stupid-I’m not ignorant -I have partial hearing . Im really tempted to send her a text telling her what I think of her . Any thoughts ?

I don't think you are over reacting at all, but I wouldn't do this:

I’d send her a link to some deaf awareness training.

You'd be wasting your time as they wouldn't do it. Normal people do not need awareness training to not be arseholes.

Could you and your friends learn sign language as that might be a less frustrating way of communicating?

Is this a joke?

You’re not overreacting, I’m also partially deaf with raging tinnitus . However , the moment has gone now . If she says anything again I would call her up on it then and there .

Could you and your friends learn sign language as that might be a less frustrating way of communicating?

That's hardly going to be the work of a moment is it?

I also don't think that you're overreacting.

It's not as if you were deliberately not listening or had zoned out.

I thought this was a thing that only teens said tbh!

I'm partially deaf and have auditory processing difficulties, I have hearing aids but they react funny with the skin inside my ear.

Whether I'm wearing them or not, I have difficulties.

Comments like Sometimes you need to repeat the same silly comment several times, and it just becomes cringe because it was never very important in the first place and was just a throwaway comment make me eyeroll.

On MY end, having to make someone repeat something a million times is embarrassing and more often than not I just choose to pretend I heard, thus missing out on what everyone else is laughing about.

Being deaf, partially deaf or hard of hearing is isolating because of problems like these.

No, it might not be that funny after it's repeated five times, but at least you get the joke first time round. Lucky you. Don't take your hearing for granted.

OP, I was subjected to some particularly awful bullying this summer when I went away as part of an organisation to a large event abroad. Instead of it being a fun, once in a lifetime (for me) holiday, I spent the entire time being misspoken to, mistreated and gaslighted by someone who picked on my disabilities and deafness.

What's possibly worse is that I decided after the event to raise it with the organisers but without evidence, it's inactionable.

For a friend to be so rude, that's appalling. And I'm so sorry. I'd grey rock her for a while, not make any plans with her, it's understandable that people will get frustrated sometimes but they're not the one who lives with that frustration day in, day out.

I cant believe how many people think you're overreacting. Bloody hell, that was way out of order.

Why didn't you correct her at the time? "X, you know I'm partially deaf, there's no need to speak to me like that, I just have difficulty hearing you in noisy environments".

Why didn’t you say that? If your friend has form this, I’d have thought you’d either be good at putting her in her place by now OR have dumped her as friend.

No you are not over reacting.I have only 30% hearing in one ear and no ear drum in the other.People make crass and stupid comments.

I dont think people realise the extent of things you miss out on.I would call her out on it.

Horribly rude!

Could you and your friends learn sign language as that might be a less frustrating way of communicating?

You do understand that (British) sign language is a full language that takes years to learn to a standard that even approximates fluency? That it’s costly and requires great commitment to learn well?

If OP’s friend can’t be arsed to remember that she has a hearing loss and respond accordingly, what are the chances she’s going to spunk 💰 💰 💰 to learn BSL and then spend Friday nights down Deaf club honing her skills?

Your "friend".
Try being deaf.
She won't, of course, but I'd love her to have an ear plug in one ear, all the time.
Does she wear music ear plugs?

I wish I had said something-but the moment had passed. I really don’t need to learn sign language. I cope okay. That would be a sledgehammer to crack a nut

I wish I had said something-but the moment had passed

I’m assuming that you still want to stay friends? That her good point must outweigh her insensitivity?

Given her form for this sort of behaviour, maybe devise a store of stock responses along the lines of what @Cohle suggested, so you can just whip them out at a moment’s notice? She needs to be called out on it - at the time.

YANBU What she did would have been bloody rude under any circumstances other than being shitfaced drunk and lying in a ditch.

She won't, of course, but I'd love her to have an ear plug in one ear, all the time.

Actually, that’s a god idea. I’d carry a set of earplugs and the next time you’re out with her I’d say to her, “I noticed you don’t seem to take my hearing difficulties seriously. Why don’t you wear this in one ear for the rest of the day/night and see how you get on?” If she doesn’t want to, then tell her she’s a bloody coward and she needs to stop taking the piss.

@Bluntness100 Are you serious? Deafness is a disability. I'm sorry if you find that inconvenient, or a bit "cringe".
You weren't overreacting OP. It still makes me sad when I remember my lovely late ( and very deaf) father being mocked by a shop assistant (" are you STUPID????) and the bewildered look on his face.
If I were you I would bring it up calmly and tell her how you felt.If she's a good friend she'll be sorry she hurt your feelings.

The moment to say something has passed. I wouldn't send a text now. She was rude, whether she meant to be or not, but I think the only thing to do now is to pull her up on it if she ever makes a comment like that again.

If she's got any sort of self awareness she will know it was crass and will be embarrassed anyway.

I know you don't have hearing aids but I know people who have aids and don't wear them and it is incredibly frustrating to have to keep on repeating words and conversations.

I have a friend who has been partially deaf from birth and various friends who are becoming deaf with age. The way I look at it, I only have to cope with their deafness when I'm with them, whereas they don't get a break from it at all, ever. And then I flip it around - if it's frustrating for me, how isolating is it for them? How difficult is it to keep missing out on things and to get to the stage where people cba communicating with you because it takes a bit more effort.

I find facing the person I am speaking to helps, both with direction of sound and it increases the chance of lip reading. I don't find sarcastic comments get me anywhere so I don't do it. Just make the effort to be kind, it goes a long way.

Yes she was rude, but its really frustrating having to repeat yourself constantly. I know a lady that's totally deaf and you would never know because her lip reading is that good.
I'd look into this OP. Its not coping o.k if you cant hear whats going on. My Mums got hearing loss but is in denial. When I say I'm going shopping, she'll say things like what? you were hopping?

Perhaps you could ask your friend to gently touch your arm or something, instead of insulting you, when she wants to say something.

I know a lady that's totally deaf and you would never know because her lip reading is that good.

Lip reading only works if the person you’re reading is facing you, has clear lip patterns, is in good light but isn’t silhouetted against a bright background and you’ve got some idea of what the conversation will be about. It’s also exhausting.

I know a lady that's totally deaf and you would never know because her lip reading is that good.

Are you implying something about OP’s lipreading?

It’s not a one-way street, you know. Maybe your speech and lip pattern is very clear and that’s part of the reason your friend lipreads you well. On the other hand, maybe OP’s pal has a mumbly voice and absolutely shite lip pattern.

I have hearing loss and have struggled for years lipreading to enhance my understanding of what's being said.

I've just got up the courage to go through the NHS for a hearing aid and soon my life may be a little easier. I'm sorry this isn't an option for you.

My ex husband would constantly make fun of me and it's left me feeling very vulnerable.

I don't think you are overreacting. I think it's a betrayal of trust. Someone who's your friend is mean to have a little more empathy maybe with your struggles.

A lot of people have said you are overreacting. I know this comment from a friend would make me feel sad in your boots and to question the validity of that friendship.

Just say something the next time like
"Hello you dumb bitch I'm, deaf! Maybe think about my disability before you open your mouth the next time you absolute raging cunt"