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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To sell my nans ring(passed on to me) to fund a much needed holiday?

377 replies

happyandsingle · 04/11/2019 12:00

Basically this.Have an old diamond ring passed down from my mum it was originally my nans.
Have worn it for years but basically it only fits on one finger(that I think is meant to be the engagement finger or so I've been told) and I am most definitely single!.
It's a nice ring but my dilemma is I'm desperate for a holiday abroad next year for me and my dd.
It's been a shit couple of years and I've had one holiday in ten years paid for by my mum.
I could save but basically on my budget it would be very tight and would mean sacrificing a lot.
My idea was to pawn the ring to get the money for the holiday. I would probably feel guilty but on the other hand I'm sure if my nan was alive she would want me to make the most of it.
My AIBU is do you feel it's a bad thing to do as it was passed down to me? And will I feel guilty after?

OP posts:
Damntheman · 04/11/2019 12:35

A nan who loved you would want you to be happy and wouldn't give two stuffs about a material item. Get it valued OP, then you know where you stand.

Unfortunately I suspect you wouldn't be offered much. Diamonds do not have much resale value and you'll likely only get what the scrap gold is worth (if it's gold). My brother is a silversmith. But it's definitely worth getting it valued and looking for offers just in case.

If you do decide to keep it, it's possible to get it made a size or two bigger (maybe even three or four depending on design) without much effort. Or even to get a bit of gold inserted to widen the band. Might be worth looking into in the future when times are less tight should you keep the ring and pass it to your daughter.

Astrabees · 04/11/2019 12:35

My mother's engagement ring was not that flashy but it was one nice diamond and a couple of smaller ones either side. Sadly less than a month after her death we were burgled and the ring was taken. The insurers paid out around £2,500 on the basis of a photograph from a jewellers of a very similar vintage ring. Although I'd worn it a couple of times and like it I chose to replace it with a silver Georg Jensen ring with an aqua topaz stone, which cost me only about a third of the payout. This reminds me very much of my mother as turquoise was her favourite colour, and I get far more pleasure out of wearing it.
I wondered if you were to sell your ring you could use some of the money to buy a nice quality ring you actually enjoy wearing (Alison Moore has lovely rings) That way you could still have a ring and would be able to go on holiday too.

escapade1234 · 04/11/2019 12:36

I would probably feel guilty but on the other hand I'm sure if my nan was alive she would want me to make the most of it

People are always very sure what dead people “would have wanted”.

londonrach · 04/11/2019 12:36

Op...take it into three different places to get it valued. If happy with what they give you id sell it. Your mental health is worth more than a ring you cant wear. Sadly i suspect people might be right on here as jewellery really isnt worth that much second hand.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 04/11/2019 12:36

Not only would I turn in my grave but I'd haunt you til kingdom come

That's funny because if it was my ring I'd want my great/granddaughter to have a nice well-needed holiday and I'd want my ring to go to someone who loves it, even if a stranger although it will probably be melted down.

The only thing I would say OP, is after you have your holiday be prepared for the guilty feelings to creep in......

Rayna37 · 04/11/2019 12:37

As most PP have said, you probably won't get much but that doesn't mean you shouldn't sell it if you really will never wear it.

My sister and I have kept the wedding and engagement rings we inherited from a great grandmother and grandmother but we also had a number of other pieces of jewellery which recently I sold some of. Too big to wear and remodelling would have cost several times more than the new finished item would have been worth. Stones (garnet, opal, emerald) were in poor condition. Gold prices are very high right now but it still doesn't amount to much: I was offered £60 for two rings and pair of small earrings, or £100 in part exchange. I took part ex and put it towards a garnet ring I liked and could wear for £170 as a memento, I think my late Nan would have been on board with that.

MorganKitten · 04/11/2019 12:37

I’d pass it to a family member who wanted it

slyoldfoxystoat · 04/11/2019 12:38

Yabu

LavendarGreen · 04/11/2019 12:38

@happyandsingle

Just a word of warning. My nan left me a very fancy piece of jewellery in her will in the late 1990's ... (Think 24c gold, AND diamonds, and very good quality.) It was bought for £350 in 1973 (around £4,000 in today's money.)

Me and DH went through some troublesome times financially in the mid noughties, so I took the piece of jewellery to a place that bought and sold gold. They valued it at £400. I decided that wasn't enough for me to give it up.

We managed to get ourselves sorted, and a couple of years later we were financially sound again.

In 2011 (around 3 years after that 'valuation,') out of curiosity I went to an independent valuer (a friend of a colleague who was 100% genuine,) to see how much the value of the item was. He told me it was worth approximately £11,000 to £12,000. Just 3 years earlier, someone offered me £400.

Unbelievable! I would have been completely scammed.

So, as I say, be careful, because your nan's ring may be worth more than you're being offered. Get plenty of valuations.

(We still have this piece of jewellery by the way!!!)

Jellybeansincognito · 04/11/2019 12:38

If there’s other living relatives still around I think you should ask what they think first.

Selling something sentimental for a cheap package holiday isn’t something I would ever do.

If your child is under 5 they wouldn’t really value the holiday either, really? They wouldn’t really remember it.

MumofTinies · 04/11/2019 12:38

Given it has passed down two generations already, it seems you are just a temporary custodian of the ring until it's time for your daughter to inheret it. It seems very sad to sell something like this for a couple of weeks away, once it's gone, it's gone forever.

MidnightMystery · 04/11/2019 12:39

No I wouldn't.

C8H10N4O2 · 04/11/2019 12:39

It's such a small band it wouldn't even fit my daughter and barely fits me. But for the sake of sentiment I should just hold onto it to look at.If u hadn't had a break in years and was at breaking point perhaps you would feel different

The size isn't an issue - rings can be resized. More relevant is whether or not it has the kind of sentimental value to you or your daughter which would make you regret it in the future.

You need a proper valuation, not just of insurance value but advice on resale. A decent jeweller should be able to advise on the current fashions in second hand (ie is it worth more as a complete piece of in parts).

You need to know both these elements before making a decision. None of us know how important the holiday would be to you but whilst I have things I'd like my children to keep I'd rather they were happy and if selling something made that possible then its their call.

filka · 04/11/2019 12:40

You're stuck without getting a valuation either from a pawnbroker or from an auctioneer/antiques dealer if you want to sell it.

Here's a recent auction in Yorkshire that might give you a feel for prices:
www.dugglebystephenson.com/auctions/1810201945/JewelleryWatchesSilver.aspx?category=JEW

But however good it is, the valuation will probably be based on the melt-down value because old jewellery just isn't very fashionable these days.

dontgobaconmyheart · 04/11/2019 12:40

I wouldn't OP. The holiday might not even go well (holidays are often disasters or not as advertised, bad weather, things going into administration, holiday illness, fallings out- it all happens) and regardless I would think it was the better gift to your daughter to leave her the option of having a ring of her great grandmothers. She might be sad to learn you shafted it for a holiday(that she barely remembers and got no long lasting enjoyment out of) when she's older so IMO it's not worth it as these things can't be got back once they're gone.

If you're that short of money I don't think spending anything on a holiday is a practical idea, I would work on having some savings for a rainy day instead if I were selling anything. I know it feels unfair to have not had a holiday in so long OP, I say that as someone who has literally not been on one at all in nearly 8 years now. It's not the be all and end all and won't change your lives.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/11/2019 12:40

Get it valued. MILs ring was worth about £8K. We sold it, regardless of how much she treasured it as none of us would have worn it. One jeweller said he had a customer who would love it so we let him sell it to her.

One thing you can be sure your Gran would NOT have wanted is for you to be miserable. A ring is only worth sentimental value if your life is othewise comfortable.

SilverySurfer · 04/11/2019 12:40

I agree that you won't get much for the ring and I bet your Nan would prefer you to hand it on to your DD. There are other ways of making enough money for a holiday.

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79andnotout · 04/11/2019 12:40

I'd cash it in and go on holiday if it was worth that, if I was in your position. Things are just things. Life is for the living.

Having said that I was also given my grandmothers wedding ring when she died and have worn it every day since, for more than twenty years now. But it fits me, and we were incredibly close, and I don't need the money.

spanglydangly · 04/11/2019 12:40

Oh ok it's an antique piece and these diamonds are more valuable than newer ones I would of thought but everyone seems to be a jewelry expert on here so....

So how much is it worth? You don't know either so take it too an expert. I'd guess that you'd then decide it's not worth selling...

YABU for a holiday though.

HerkyBaby · 04/11/2019 12:42

Imagine the hardship that went into saving and buying that ring for your nan. You are the guardian of that ring for your daughter and her daughters to come. That ring is a token of love and toil it is not a trifle to be pawned and discarded for a holiday. It is a symbol of lives lived and love once had. It should be a beacon of inspiration.

LovePoppy · 04/11/2019 12:43

I would not sell no matter how much i would get. I would keep it for DD.

And this is why we all have so much stuff. We just hoard it and make it the next generations problem and guilt

koshkat · 04/11/2019 12:43

WTAF? You are joking right?

Yespleaselouise · 04/11/2019 12:43

If you hadn’t had a break in years and was at breaking point perhaps you’d feel different

OP, I get it. Really, I do.

Not going into my past as far, far too outing (very unique) but I didn’t have a holiday for 17 years. Very personal reasons as to why I couldn’t take a break.

You mention you’re a single parent...can someone else take care of your child for a few continuous sleepovers to give you a few days off in your own home?

Are you eligible for childcare funding if s/he isn’t at school yet?

Look for other ways before getting rid of an item you may regret.

MulticolourMophead · 04/11/2019 12:44

Not only would I turn in my grave but I'd haunt you til kingdom come or whatever heavenly reference if you pulled that shit with something I'd passed on as a family heirloom. I'd also have a word with the big guy to ensure you didn't get into heaven.

You might think something was special, but many people won't.

I've seen stuff that people treat as heirlooms, and generally the stuff is just a piece of tat.

And once it's been passed on beyond a grandparent to grandchild level, its becomes a meaningless item, with no real connection to the past, but just a burden having to deal with the expectations to keep.

I've got something of my late mum's. I keep it for sentimental reasons but it's not valuable and it's really a bit of tat. I'm not expecting my DD to keep the item after I die, it's not worth it.

sheshootssheimplores · 04/11/2019 12:45

Bloody hell people are so mercenary!!!

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