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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To sell my nans ring(passed on to me) to fund a much needed holiday?

377 replies

happyandsingle · 04/11/2019 12:00

Basically this.Have an old diamond ring passed down from my mum it was originally my nans.
Have worn it for years but basically it only fits on one finger(that I think is meant to be the engagement finger or so I've been told) and I am most definitely single!.
It's a nice ring but my dilemma is I'm desperate for a holiday abroad next year for me and my dd.
It's been a shit couple of years and I've had one holiday in ten years paid for by my mum.
I could save but basically on my budget it would be very tight and would mean sacrificing a lot.
My idea was to pawn the ring to get the money for the holiday. I would probably feel guilty but on the other hand I'm sure if my nan was alive she would want me to make the most of it.
My AIBU is do you feel it's a bad thing to do as it was passed down to me? And will I feel guilty after?

OP posts:
happyandsingle · 04/11/2019 15:41

Definitely some nasty keyboard warriors on here but I have a thick skin! Thanks for all the helpful thoughtful replies some ppl on here really dont have a clue.

OP posts:
Redspider1 · 04/11/2019 15:41

As for future wives of sons, they’ll probably want a new ring! Then what?
As for DGM selling it herself, unlikely given she was probably married or widowed when she died.

Baffy · 04/11/2019 15:42

This thread is a great example of just how opposing views can be on MN.

This is such a personal decision.

OP - get a few valuations and see what kind of prices they offer. Then as someone suggested earlier, perhaps see what you could get for the diamonds and gold separately, and think about breaking it up and perhaps keeping one of the smaller diamonds to make into jewellery that does fit you and that you could pass to your dd along with the story.

If you can get a good price, then go for it and enjoy your memories.
This way, you could perhaps get the best of both worlds...

SallyWD · 04/11/2019 15:45

I'd keep it. I have a ring passed down from my Gran. It's really not my style but I could never part with it. I remember her wearing it every day. Try and save for a nice hol, look at other ways to make money

DustyMaiden · 04/11/2019 15:45

I had a lot of jewellery from my DMIL, I sold it at auction. I don’t feel any sentimental attachment to it, I loved DMIL and cared for her until her dying day.

Happityhap · 04/11/2019 15:54

Who mentioned future wives of sons? Jeezo, hanging onto something just in case some mystery person in the future might want it.
That's nuts.

WhizzingFizzbee · 04/11/2019 16:09

I wouldn’t pawn family jewellery for a cheap package deal you’ll have forgotten about soon afterwards tbh.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/11/2019 16:13

I wouldn’t sell it either. If you don’t want it save it for your daughter. If you want a holiday either work out where you can save money or work etc. I’d not be happy to pass something down sentimental for it too be sold for a few days away.

priceofprogress · 04/11/2019 16:16

Redspider1 and even if it were for a TV, it’d be absolutely fine.

Loopytiles · 04/11/2019 16:17

It’s now your possession, not your mother’s? Get quotes and, if it’d be a good contribution to your holiday, which it may not be, sell it. Pawning unlikely to be useful as you’d not be able to pay the money back easily.

churchandstate · 04/11/2019 16:18

It’s not a TV or whatever, it’s a much needed holiday after s difficult year. Some really callous people on here.

Callous? I haven’t said anything negative to the OP whatsoever and I sympathise with her. I just wouldn’t do it myself. Stop leaping to conclusions.

happyandsingle · 04/11/2019 16:25

Have to laugh at the cheap package deal comments which to me highlights the snobbery on here.
Maybe to some it would be considered this but to me it's a week away to relax out of my daily grind and forget my problems even for one week so for me it's much more than a cheap package deal.
But of course to some on here unless it's holiday in some far flung exotic location it's not worth it.

OP posts:
Stuckinanutshell · 04/11/2019 16:25

Valuations and what people will actually pay are different.

My grandmother left me a ring and I got it valued for insurance having been told it’s worth a small fortune.

It was valued at £750 (much lower than everyone thought) but I was told at the time that while it’s technically worth that I would struggle to sell beyond £200 because it’s a very old fashioned setting and jewellers would likely just scrap it for the rock - they wouldn’t be able to sell ‘as is’.

Sad but it made sense. I still have it and wouldn’t have sold it anyway but I was surprised that I could have it insured for more than I could sell it for!

Jaxhog · 04/11/2019 16:28

I suspect your Nan would rather you sold it and spent the money on something memorable for you and your DD. Call it your 'aunts name' memorial holiday. But get at least 3 valuations before selling it.

Also, you may be in for some criticism from other family members who are more sentimental. Only you know if that would be a problem.

Jaxhog · 04/11/2019 16:29

'Nans name' memorial holiday!

dreichwinter · 04/11/2019 16:29

It is only has sentimental value if you feel like that about it. Otherwise it is just an object in a drawer.
OP if you can get enough money to go on holiday then I really don't see why you should be guilt tripped into keeping an object of no value to you.
But as I said a while back you might get very little for it.

ThatMuppetShow · 04/11/2019 16:30

Have to laugh at the cheap package deal comments which to me highlights the snobbery on here.

it's not snobbery, it's just thinking that if it's not a special holiday, you might regret it. You only have 1 ring to sell.

But you've been given very good advice, at least get decent valuations first.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/11/2019 16:34

If you post a picture there are a lot of professionals and amateurs (like me who buy loads of antique jewellery) who will be able to have a reasonable guess at the price.

If you sell on EBay described well you will get a much better price than a pawn shop or by selling to a jewellers. I buy loads from there, from Tudor to Art nouveau.

This lovely antique ring is selling very well with six days to go

To sell my nans ring(passed on to me) to fund a much needed holiday?
Skinnychip · 04/11/2019 16:34

But if its the first holiday OP has had in 10 years and she and her DD have a relaxing, happy and memorable time, does it matter if its a caravan in wales or a 3 week trip to the maldives? A special holiday can be special for a variety of meanings not just because it was expensive.

myolivetree · 04/11/2019 16:41

Totally agree @Skinnychip !

All the people saying oh you won't get much, a few days away, not the trip of a lifetime... etc etc.
They have probably NO idea.

cannycat20 · 04/11/2019 16:45

Blimey, it's like watching vultures at a will reading at a funeral, some of these comments! And I'm totally with you on the snobbery comments too. Must be wonderful to have so much money that you can turn your nose up at a "cheap package holiday"! And for those who say holidays always cost more than you think, well, yes, they certainly do in the UK. That's because we don't have the all-inclusive deals you might get in Spain or Greece, just as examples, and it's also because everything in the UK except some food is extortionately priced. Especially accommodation and travel.

I think the most sensible suggestions have been those who suggest you get a few valuations and then decide from there. Look at it this way: it's all energy, in the end. Things are just trapped energy. So, if you can, take that energy and transform it into something you need. Which, in your case, is a holiday, a break, a clear end of an old chapter/beginning of a new one, from the sound of it. If you want to preserve the memory of the object, take photos of the ring to preserve that energy, which is what I do when I get rid of things.

When my dad died he left very little in the way of worldly goods but he left my mother an excellent pension. She scrimped and saved all her life, and never enjoyed herself, and in the end, when she got dementia, every penny of that money, which Dad had worked hard for all his life, and had already been taxed when it was deducted from his pay packet , was used to fund her care until it ran out and she had nothing. And I mean nothing. I would honestly rather she had used that money to go off on round-the-world cruises and had a hundred boyfriends and had some pleasure out of life while she still could rather than sit looking at her bank balance and company shares like some descendant of Scrooge. Much good did it do her when she was no longer compos mentis enough to recognise her family, let alone go and have a good time somewhere.

If you do find that what you're offered isn't going to be enough for what you need, is there any other way you could fund a holiday or a break? Would instalments be an option, for instance? It might sound a little cynical, and I don't mean it to, as I have huge sympathy for everyone involved in the Thomas Cook debacle (except a few of the top bods who must have known what was going on, but that's a different conversation) but there should be some very keenly priced offers out there at present.

Whatever you decide to do, it's your decision, your life, your memories,. But you sound like a sensible lass so I reckon you already know that. All the best. Smile

strawberrieshortcake · 04/11/2019 16:52

What was the point in you posting here when you have clearly made up your mind that you are going to sell it.

It’s yours do whatever the hell you want with it, I personally would never pawn it because you’d get about 20% of the value at best but it’s your life.

BubblesBuddy · 04/11/2019 16:53

That Boodle and Dunthorne ring isn’t antique. It’s vintage - as the advert says. 70s or 80s maybe. It’s also got days to go and it’s an opal which isn’t overtly popular. They are a great brand - now known as Boodles.

As we still don’t have a photo of the OPs ring no one knows what it could be sold for. £100 or £5000. As OP is short of money it’s bonkers to suggest remaking the stones into something else. This costs A LOT. The gold setting has to be hand made to fit.

Stones have not been “hand cut” since rose diamonds were available. That’s early Victorian. They had the facets facing upwards for want of a better description. Old cut diamonds which replaced rose cut diamonds have a “table” facing up and were machine cut. However the machines were operated by people. Diamond cutters. For good stones, it can take a diamond cutter quite a while to decide how to cut the stone and then carry out the cutting. It’s wrong when people describe diamonds to owners that they don’t use the correct terms. My view is that they say anything to make you think your jewellery isn’t worth much.

Always take jewellery to a specialist valuer. At least you will then know what you have. I’ve bought second hand rings years ago that are worth multiples of what was paid. If you have an eye for a classic ring, of course you can see added value over the years.

Noneedtoberudedear · 04/11/2019 17:09

Sell it if it’s worth something and go on holiday. Sentiment is all well and good but you sound incredibly stressed and in need of a break.

I had a diamond ring and a gold charm bracelet passed down to me from a (much loved) Auntie. I sold the diamond to pay towards fertility treatment. Yes I felt shitty but I also desperately needed the cash. The charm bracelet is a much more unique piece that I will pass down to the DD I am now lucky enough to have.

Do what you need to do opFlowers

FizzyIce · 04/11/2019 17:11

Agree with those saying get a few valuations .
What’s that cheesy saying ?
Things come and go but memories are forever .. or some such bollocks but it’s true..
I once sold a ring that was bought for me as a present and bought a kitten with the proceeds and I’d do it again!