I'm a shit mother

[Organicmamahope]

I just lost my temper at bedtime with my 4 year old. He wasn't doing anything wrong really except refusing to go to bed, clean teeth. Use the bathroom etc. Usual toddler stuff. I was just exhausted after a very long day. Afterwards he said he didn't like me and was scared of me. I just can't do this parenting stuff anymore. I am a shit shit mother. I give everything and it's still not enough.

You're not a shit mother, if you were you wouldn't care about getting annoyed and would t be posting here.

We've all been there it's bloody hard work, and when you're tired and they're playing up it's really bloody hard work.

YOU ARE NOT A SHIT MOTHER! Don’t put yourself down like that! You made a mistake, you just wanted to relax and toddlers being toddlers he just didn’t agree with that. Let him know you’re sorry for losing your temper with him. And hey maybe next time he’ll just go to bed. No ones a perfect parent, we all fuck up every now and again and that’s okay!

Make a cup of tea, then go up and give him a cuddle.

Thanks for the reassurance. I really bellowed though, it came out before I could stop it. I remember my Dad yelling at me as a kid and I hated him ever since. I really don't want my kids to feel like that about me. My dad ruined our relationship with his shouting. Now I am just repeating the cycle.

Define lost your temper, are we talking you shouted or smacked him? Only one of those would make you a shit mother.

Thing is it’s completely normal for dc to act up sometimes it’s what dc do. Most times it’s not anything you’ve done or whatever it’s just children being children and doesn’t mean you are a shit parent

He will forgive and forget, give him a cuddle, we all do it

Not a shit mum! It's the worst time of day, everyone's tired and DC get very creative with reasons why they couldn't possibly go to bed yet. Utterly irritating and exhausting. Be proud you're raising a DC who can name their feelings and isn't afraid to tell you negative things. It's ok to admit you were cross, discuss what DC did to make you cross and what they should have done instead! Once every one has calmed down that is. You got this.

You’re not a shit parent!

Go and give him a cuddle and explain that even grown ups lose their temper sometimes, just like children do, but you’re sorry you shouted and you love him.

I think it’s really important to model being able to own up to bad behaviour and apologise for it, after all that’s what we expect children to do, so it’s good for them to see adults do it too.

No I didn't snack him, but I did yank him towards the sink where he was refusing to spit out a mouthful of toothpaste.

would your dad have posted on parenting forum because he felt bad and wanted to do better? I'm guessing not.

kids are annoying as fuck and sent to try us. bedtime can be particularly hard.
how can you stop it escalating if it happens again? I walk away to another room and take some deep breaths.

Have you posted about this before seems similar? Its a hard job, have you had any counseling?

I remember my Dad yelling at me as a kid and I hated him ever since

How did it ruin your relationship? Because he never apologised? Was unpredictable? Didn’t allow you to express your feelings?

Vivacain, yes all of those.

Today is done. It’s over. Start again tomorrow. One day of losing your cool does not make you a shit parent.

I've shouted at my kids way way too many times, majority of those times have been bedtime. As other pps have said I always went back up once I'd calmed down, gave them a cuddle, explained why I got angry and apologised. My dc are now mid teenagers and don't hate me, we laugh about how batshit mad I used to get.

You’re not shit. It’s easy done. Apologise to him and tell him why you were p*ssed off. Give both of you some time then you can have a proper talk when you’ve calmed down.

Have a look at this as it may help you identify your triggers The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read

You’re not a shit mother.

In the last place that I lived, nearly every house had a family with at least one child under 10 in it.

And from every house I heard at least one parent shouting on at least one occasion (and often it was at the mad hour before bedtime)

You are not a shit mum don't be so hard on yourself. And you are not your dad either. We all get to the end of our tether on occasion. Tomorrow is a new day xx

I will certainly read that book thank you. I did go up later and apologise and say I was sorry that I shouted and I won't do it again (or try not to). It's been a very very tiring day. I'm a bit broken and it's back to the whole school work rat run tomorrow

I don't shoot very often but when I do I blow. Dp has described me as having no middle ground.

Your dad didn't apologise to you, talk about what happened and hug you after. You do that with your DS, he will see that mum loves him and is sorry. He will trust you, and as pp said, may also behave better next time. If he can start to see that grown ups get grumpy when they are tired and frustrated too, but don't use their advantage (height, weight, experience) to bully children, it will mean he doesnt grow up scared of you.

Walk away before you reach that point. Shouting doesnt help anything. Its white noise to a child not to mention scary. We have all been there. Dont best yourself up over it. It will get better. Best wishes.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ve a 4 year old ds. They are little windup merchants with faces of angels.

Every mother loses their shit, I still shudder at a dream I had were I was a terrible mother , a fucking dream !!!where I left my child out side all night in a temper, never did it but the guilt and shame. in real life also lost my shit and screamed at toddler I when overwhelmed one day still feel the guilt...bad mums don t even know they have done wrong or don’t care, you care, and have been a great role model by apologising, it’s not always a bad thing to lose it sometimes it’s just trendy to be Mary fucking poppins these days
Glass of wine, watch some light tv and give yourself a break