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Original poster

To think you can never send a email too early

66 replies

PotteryLottery · 02/11/2019 21:05

In January, I emailed DH to tell him to take a day's annual leave as DD's school will be closed one day this autumn. I work in a school so can't take leave during term time.

Turns out DH hasn't booked it off, and can't as he has important meetngs that day . His new annual leave year doesn't start until the end of the summer, so he said I emailed him too early!

He should have just admitted it's an oversight, right? He has booked off similar in previous years, no problem. And we spoke about this date in another context but he doesn't recall it.

I've sorted alternative childcare but grrrrr, surely it's not up to me to send emails at a time convenient to him!

OP posts:
BeeFarseer · 02/11/2019 21:08

He is definitely in the wrong. He could have set a calendar reminder for when his leave opened.

sonjadog · 02/11/2019 21:08

You emailed him in January about something he couldn't book until the end of summer?

TidyDancer · 02/11/2019 21:10

If you're the one who usually does the school admin and you knew about his leave year dates, I'm more inclined to side with DH on this one.

drspouse · 02/11/2019 21:12

Why would one parent only do the school admin?

HelloDulling · 02/11/2019 21:13

He could have set a reminder, or written BOOK 14th NOV across the top of his diary for the week when the holiday leave booking opened.

cornflakegirl · 02/11/2019 21:14

If I'd received that email I would have blocked out the day in my calendar, and set a reminder for when the leave opens.

I hate being asked "please remind me closer to the time" - why should the mental load be mine?

FuriousFlannels · 02/11/2019 21:14

Yep. You emailed too early.

You probably haven't sewn his name in his jumpers or taught him how to tie his shoelaces yet either.

Poor big old man baby. I feel sorry for him. Grin

SuitablyDull · 02/11/2019 21:15

Even if his annual leave allowance resets in summer, could he not have put a request in early?
Although to be fair I have to prompt DH to do things like that multiple times and remind/nag frequently to get it done...but I did marry a man child.

HelloDulling · 02/11/2019 21:16

His new annual leave year doesn't start until the end of the summer, so he said I emailed him too early!

Does that mean he can’t request to take holiday in Sept until August? Seems unlikely. The leave might not be available until then, but you much be able to book, or no one would be able to book a holiday towards the end of the year, in case their leave was refused.

JohnCRaven · 02/11/2019 21:17

You ask him once. As an adult with joint responsibilities for your joint child HE sets a reminder to remind himself to book it off when the annual leave year starts. HIM not you. Don't take his shit!!!!!!

QueenWhatevs · 02/11/2019 21:18

He's an idiot. I bet if he got an email now about a huge deal work conference or training programme or promotion panel in April, he would be able to flag it to remind him closer to the time. Or has.he only ever
booked holidays, flights, weddings two weeks in advance?

Strangerthingshere · 02/11/2019 21:19

He is at fault, he should've made a note in his diary or calendar in his phone to book it in the day his annual leave started for that year

MsChatterbox · 02/11/2019 21:24

My husband says the same thing. Apparently he needs reminding a month before.. 2 weeks before.. Then several days of the week before. Now I just stand over him as he puts it in his calendar the first time I tell him 🙄

NoSquirrels · 02/11/2019 21:25

Nope, he’s a twat passing blame when actually “Shit! sorry!” would be the appropriate response.

Pet hate of mine, the person who “apologises” with a “reason” to “excuse” themselves. Don’t care about your justification, if it was your responsibility just own up and fix it.

With regards to that...

I've sorted alternative childcare

Err ... why? His fuck up, his problem to fix.

ColaFreezePop · 02/11/2019 21:28

Don't you have a joint calendar of some sort?

If it''s electronic all you then do is set up reminders for particular times/days.

If it's a paper one on the wall somewhere then he knows to look at it regularly and vice versa.

Every couple I know does this.

rainbowconfetti · 02/11/2019 21:32

You emailed him Confused

Could you not have simply talked? That may have helped.

IrregularCommentary · 02/11/2019 21:33

I'm sure if his boss had emailed him something that far ahead of time he would have found a way to manage his memory 🙄

RedskyToNight · 02/11/2019 21:38

I think that amount of notice to cover a day when school is closed is too early. More because it would be so likely to change (or is that just DC's school?) and changing leave is such a pain (or maybe that's just my workplace?) If the meetings are so important that DH must come but he's not important enough to change them, you'd always run the risk that the meetings would trump his leave even if it was booked well in advance anyway.

plightofthealbatross · 02/11/2019 21:38

He should have been the one to sort alternative childcare since he failed to make a note on his own damn calendar to ask for the time off.

His child and responsibility, too!

SpookilyBadOooooooh · 02/11/2019 21:40

He’s a twat.

You told him, how he organises his diary is his problem....most adults are able to block out a day in advance and make a notebook tonout in the leavevrquest without needing mummy to hold their hands.

Tell him it’s parent work not wife work.

Bet he’d manage if his boss told him.🙄

BeBraveAndBeKind · 02/11/2019 21:41

If I'd received that email I would have blocked out the day in my calendar, and set a reminder for when the leave opens.

^This. He's just looking to pass the buck here and make excuses for why he failed to do what was required.

morriseysquif · 02/11/2019 21:46

This didn't go on his radar because this is your responsibility, not his.

Wifework.

Dollymixture22 · 02/11/2019 21:46

His is all very sexist. Why is it the mothers role to know when the school events are and ensure the father has been given the instructions at the correct time.

Tell him to grow the fuck up and take some responsibility. How does he arrange himself in a normal work setting without the little women scuttling around after him.

Arghhhhh - is nearly 2020

Hecateh · 02/11/2019 21:52

School let parents know in January about day closed in Autumn

You let him know in plenty of time (although he should have been as aware as you anyway)

He couldn't action it then

He doesn't put a reminder on his calendar and then blames you for emailing him too early.

He can't meet the commitment

So then

YOU have to organise an alternative because he hasn't done what

1 he should have organised anyway
2 you reminded him and he still didn't organise

Of course it's your fault - you are MUM it is clearly your responsibility to check what is needed. Email him to tell him what he needs to do. Check that he has done it and then, without nagging, remind him at the appropriate time to meet his work needs.

FFS what kind of mother are you???????????

Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm Hmm

KeepYourCup · 02/11/2019 21:57

Why would you email your husband? And why wouldn't you have discussed it at all again until now?

He's still wrong and its not up to you to baby him or take all the reaponsibility for childcare.

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