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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can never send a email too early

66 replies

PotteryLottery · 02/11/2019 21:05

In January, I emailed DH to tell him to take a day's annual leave as DD's school will be closed one day this autumn. I work in a school so can't take leave during term time.

Turns out DH hasn't booked it off, and can't as he has important meetngs that day . His new annual leave year doesn't start until the end of the summer, so he said I emailed him too early!

He should have just admitted it's an oversight, right? He has booked off similar in previous years, no problem. And we spoke about this date in another context but he doesn't recall it.

I've sorted alternative childcare but grrrrr, surely it's not up to me to send emails at a time convenient to him!

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 02/11/2019 23:05

But as for the original question, I'm on the OP's side here. Her husband is a grown up and should have been able to take responsibility for this without being reminded.

callmeadoctor · 02/11/2019 23:05

Bloody hell, do men somehow not understand the school calendar? Why do they expect the woman to always know? Cant believe that this is still the case in 2019 that men leave childcare stuff to the women! Aggggghhhhh!!!!!

GettingABitDesperateNow · 02/11/2019 23:06

No idea why people are having a go about emailing, it depends on your husband surely? If I say something to my husband he will forget it. He is organised with work emails though and has a very detailed calendar (has a million meetings a week) and has a system for it so if I send him an email to his work email I know it will be categorised and actioned and put in his calendar.

Surely it cant be that much of a stretch to imagine some people work like this?

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 02/11/2019 23:07

Sorry, for a moment there I got confused and thought you were the mum of the person whose behavior you were describing. Apparently he did too...

callmeadoctor · 02/11/2019 23:08

The point is Desperate, that husband is a dad too. Why isn't he checking theses dates himself?

callmeadoctor · 02/11/2019 23:09

Makes my blood boil that husbands are still getting away with leaving childcare to mums!!!

Alez · 02/11/2019 23:12

You've done nothing wrong. Why was it even your job to remind him in the first place? Once you had, why would it be your job to remind him again? Maybe he's confusing you with his PA... Of course he's only forgotten it because in his mind this is your job, and you basically are his PA/manager for kid stuff (and he knows you'll sort it out when he messes up).

Love51 · 02/11/2019 23:15

I email my husband this kind of thing. I have loads more leave than him, so I cover more childcare. If something comes up on a day I can't do, I get him to do it. Both of us have jobs where things can be arranged quite far in advance, so we stick in our work diaries days that we plan to take leave, then no one plans for us to eg deliver training that day.
I recently did my first balls up. Had I made it out to be his fault he would have had grounds to be pissed off. As it was, I fronted up with 'ive made a mistake' and he rearranged something to be there for our kids. He'd have done that regardless of my behaviour, but it isn't fair to 'deflect the blame' when you make a mistake. Which is what op dh did here.
I totally see why op made alternative arrangements - she wants her kids somewhere decent while she is at work. Left to him, already embarrassed by his mistake, he might have left it until it was too late and got them in piecemeal care that would be less than ideal.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 02/11/2019 23:29

See, I can see why the OP took responsibility for the dates in the first place if she also works in a school - I do too, so most school holidays I cover for the DCs, no problem. DH doesn't need to check the school holiday calendar, the DCs are off school, I am off work. However for the odd date here and there that they don't match in way that I'm in work and the DCs are off school, he does rely on me saying "I'm in work on X and Y dates the DCs are off". He'll check and if he can't cover it, we'll discuss our childcare options. (We have 2, one he'll ask, the other I'll ask, just because of the relationships we have with them).

It is different when one parent works term time only, this isn't a family that normally has to think/plan/budget holiday childcare, the primary assumption is the teacher/school staff parent will be the one who will do holiday childcare for the family, and so if they can't (because dates don't match or they need to go into work in the holidays for something like exam results day), it's an usual occurance and one they would normally be flagging up to discuss cover.

TeaForTara · 02/11/2019 23:34

No way should you have arranged the alternative childcare - that’s on him.

“You told me about it too early”
“I told you about it as soon as I was aware, so you could make the necessary arrangements. Now, what are you going to do about it?”

Don’t put up with this shit, OP.

73Sunglasslover · 02/11/2019 23:35

I think he's been perfectly reasonable. You should do the mental work of holding this in mind so he doesn't have to. Can't see the issue with that. It's good you sorted out alternative childcare as that leaves him free to do more important things like watch the rugby.

cornflakegirl · 02/11/2019 23:39

I don't understand what is weird about emailing about things that need to go in a work calendar. I email myself at work about inset days etc. Much easier than trying to remember.

sleepyhead · 02/11/2019 23:42

What a shame there's no electronic time management system that allows you to mark an appointment or event many months in advance and can be programmed to remind you about it.

Someone should really invent it. They could call it Outlook.

73Sunglasslover · 02/11/2019 23:45

*What a shame there's no electronic time management system that allows you to mark an appointment or event many months in advance and can be programmed to remind you about it.

Someone should really invent it. They could call it Outlook.*

I think some people prefer the low-tech version. it's called a 'wife'

Drabarni · 02/11/2019 23:46

We both get emails from school chat about the contents and put it on the wall calendar, in the kitchen.
I like a simple life.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/11/2019 00:21

Why does the timing of his holiday year make a difference? Does he normally have to wait until September to book time off after September 1st?

Either way - his responsibility, you shouldn't have to baby him so much.

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