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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Isn’t this a bit bunny boiler? (LH)

75 replies

Forallyouknow · 01/11/2019 22:01

How many times do you call your partner when they / you are 1. At work and 2. Out with friends

I find it weird to call more than once if there’s no reason. SIL calls husband at work (delivery driver) and they spend particularly whole day on the phone - heard 10 min conversations of basically - what you doing now... now what you doing... ...... what about now... ( and so on). She hung up to eat so there’s that... although took phone to toilet after....

A friend calls her husband (numerous times) and FaceTimes him asking to speak to whoever he is with when he is out with friends...

to think you need SOME time apart to have something to discuss when you get together at night! This is surely some Glenn Close shit?

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 01/11/2019 22:03

I never call him unless there's a good reason

Original poster
Forallyouknow · 01/11/2019 22:05

Practically not particularly 😬

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 01/11/2019 22:05

OMG never unless I need to speak to him about something.
I suppose that what being with someone 20 years does 😂

MajesticWhine · 01/11/2019 22:06

I find this quite odd. I might call if I'm on the way home - e.g. are you home, shall I get something for dinner. Or for some specific reason. If one of us is away for one night or more then we speak. But would not call him if he is out with friends or at work.

ANiceLuxury · 01/11/2019 22:06

Never. However dh rings me at least once if I’m out

ParkheadParadise · 01/11/2019 22:07

I would call DH at work, if I wanted him to bring something home with him. I occasionally text pictures of dd during the day.
I wouldn't call him when out with friends unless it was an emergency.

YelloThere · 01/11/2019 22:08

Never call or text unless some form of urgency

SoyDora · 01/11/2019 22:08
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And

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Might exchange a quick text letting each other know what plans are etc. If DH is at work he’s working. If either of us are out with friends, we’re busy talking to friends.

altiara · 01/11/2019 22:09

None! Unless for a specific reason.

gamerwidow · 01/11/2019 22:09

Your SIL is fine, it's not what I would do but some people like chatting to their partner through out the day.
Your friend is controlling and her partner should leave.

JaceLancs · 01/11/2019 22:11

We don’t live together so text good morning and Good night - might speak if something happens or query too long for a message (maybe twice a week)
Spend weekends together

comedycentral · 01/11/2019 22:11

Gosh no, that's so strange. Me and DH usually talk on the way home as our commute to work and back is at the same time. If I didn't do that I probably wouldn't hear how his day was because when we get home it's all bedtime routine for the kids, dinner then snooze!

user1493413286 · 01/11/2019 22:11

How odd; me and DH rarely call each other when out with friends unless there’s a specific reason. During the working day we will usually text once or twice to ask how the other persons day is or say love you, it’s nice to know we’re thinking of the other person but we’re both too busy to talk more than that

Peakypolly · 01/11/2019 22:11

Don’t know why, but this reminds me of an interview with (Sir) Alan Sugar who said his wife had only ever rung him at work once in their lives. That is pretty impressive.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/11/2019 22:12

SIL calls husband at work (delivery driver) and they spend particularly whole day on the phone - heard 10 min conversations of basically - what you doing now... now what you doing... ...... what about now... ( and so on).

I assume he's using a hands free phone kit but even so I don't think this is ideal from a safety point of view...

AppropriateAdult · 01/11/2019 22:14

Rarely call. Might text once or twice during the day, but usually for a particular reason.

I suppose I can understand somebody who drives for a living calling their partner more frequently just as a way of passing the time. But honestly I would struggle to chit-chat with my husband with that kind of frequency; much as I love his company I just don't enjoy talking on the phone.

HelenaJustina · 01/11/2019 22:14

Married 15years, DH occasionally texts me during the working day but I work in a school so it’s on silent and in my handbag so I often don’t pick it up until hours later.

Out with friends, I would expect a text/call in an emergency (house on fire, child needs a&e)

LisaSimpsonsbff · 01/11/2019 22:15

To answer your question, I would never call him either at work or when he's out unless there was an issue (and it would have to be something pretty urgent for me to ring not text) and I'd be quite cross if he called me for no reason. If a friend was on the phone to their partner just to chat while we were out together then I'd point out how shockingly rude they were being and if that didn't work I wouldn't see them again - I think that's jaw droppingly bad manners.

KronksSpinachPuffs · 01/11/2019 22:15

I wouldn't ring him at work unless something was wrong, same goes for him. But we might text on and off throughout the day if we're both having a slow day.

On a night out I would never ring and we dont really text either. DH went out a while ago with 2 friends, he said ones wife rang after about 2 hours and the others girlfriend kept ringing him constantly and his friend was barely off the phone. I was the only one who didnt contact him at all and both his friends remarked that they wished they didnt get hounded either!

Original poster
Forallyouknow · 01/11/2019 22:16

I dared not interrupt the riveting conversation to ask Grin ( I’m pretty sure he has one though)

OP posts:
KronksSpinachPuffs · 01/11/2019 22:16

Obviously the same goes for when I'm out with my friends too!

Meshy23 · 01/11/2019 22:17

I never call mine.

But your SIL probably calls because her husband wants company whilst he is driving.

Your friend sounds barking

BarrenFieldofFucks · 01/11/2019 22:19

I don't like talking on the phone. We tend to WhatsApp through the day though

GinGinAllTheGin · 01/11/2019 22:21

This is a bit weird - I agree you need time apart so you’ve got something to talk about when you’re together.

But... sometimes there might be a reason for lots of calls? Some days my colleagues husband phones her constantly throughout the day - when I first started working with her I thought it was a bit weird / inappropriate for her to be on the phone to him repeatedly... turns out he’s currently off work with depression: when he’s having a bad day, he calls lots; on a good day we don’t hear from him.

Whilst I guess you’d know if your SIL or your friend was living with depression or anxiety... people don’t always share mental health issues - or they might not have had a formal diagnosis. Just a thought!

Pumpkinandpeas · 01/11/2019 22:23

I text and call my DP a lot whilst he is at work, I'm a SAHM and he works a 15 hour shift, up way before me and into bed an couple of hours after getting home. It's our only way of keeping up with one another plus little one talks to him on the phone during the day so he doesn't miss out on too much. If he was on a night out I'd like to know hes got there safely via text but other than that I wouldn't bother him and Visa versa.