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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Carer turning up early

96 replies

redwitch5 · 01/11/2019 03:05

Hi, don't know if this is the right forum for this but here we are.
I have carers 4 times a week to help with showering and in the mornings. I do my grocery shop on one of those mornings, and the carer that does that and the next morning always turns up early. I'm usually still having breakfast! I know I get up late most mornings, but still, early is early, and I am trying to get up earlier.
I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful, but you'd think that if she turns up, and I haven't finished breakfast, that would tell her she's coming too early, help! Is there a polite and non-confrontational way to let her know this is getting frustrating? I don't like a scene, and her dog just died over last weekend

OP posts:

DonKeyshot · 01/11/2019 03:14

Do your carers only visit in the mornings and what time are they contracted to come to your home?

When you say you 'do your grocery shop on one of those mornings' do you mean you go out to shop or do you order online for delivery to your home?

FiveShelties · 01/11/2019 03:19

How early is carer arriving?

CoalTit · 01/11/2019 03:42

If she's a paid carer she's probably not turning up early to try to be helpful; she's trying to stick to a very erratic schedule where she's not paid for the time she travels between clients, she's not paid for any more than the scheduled time with clients, she's not given enough time to travel between some clients and she's given more than enough time to get from the previous client's house to yours.

Original poster

redwitch5 · 01/11/2019 03:57

More info, my carers come at 9 am, I go out to do my grocery shop. She turns up 10-15 minutes early, and I'm her first client of the day. If this seems short, sorry, I'm not very good at social things.
Also, I live at home and Dad takes me grocery shopping when he does his, around 10 am.
Like I said, I do try to be up earlier, but I don't want to be too early. I can't get breakfast myself, so I need parents to do it, and I don't want to "hurry" their breakfast. I have muesli and coffee, if anyone's interested, and coffee's the important bit

OP posts:

DonKeyshot · 01/11/2019 04:02

Exactly, CoalTit. This one carer may be coming from a different geographical direction to the others and it's more expedient for her to arrive earlier because of her busy schedule of visits to all of her clients.

If you know one of your carers will be earlier than the others, can't you wait to have breakfast until after her visit, OP?

jellycatspyjamas · 01/11/2019 04:09

If you know one of your carers will be earlier than the others, can't you wait to have breakfast until after her visit, OP?

You realise the carer is there to meet the OPs needs, not the other way around. In what other circumstance would you accept a service at a time you hadn’t planned and adjust your schedule to suit the person providing the service. I know very well how pressed carers are for time, but that’s not the fault of the OP and really isn’t for her to sort or accommodate.

OP I’d explain to her that’s she’s too early and will need to wait while you finish breakfast etc to do whatever she’s there to do. She’s probably trying to get a head start on her day but it’s not ok that you’re feeling pressured to be ready for her - you can ask for the service to be provided at the time agreed.

transformandriseup · 01/11/2019 04:11

I'm am very fortunate to not have a disability or need a carer but YABU. 15 minutes isn't long and most carers have a very very tight schedule. My mum is bed bound and has carers in four times a day, if a member of staff is off sick (they usually call ahead) she may be stuck in bed for several hours but there is not a lot my dad can do about it as she needs double handed care. Often my parents fit their day around the carers.

DonKeyshot · 01/11/2019 04:16

Can you ask your parents to make you a coffee when they do theirs, or ask your carer to make one for you?

I would have thought it was good that she turns up early on your shopping day as your df isn't inconvenienced by having to wait for her to leave before taking you out.

If you're her first client of the day it suggests that you're either nearest or furthest from her home depending on how she organises her time. That 10-15 minutes could give her a head start and enable her to complete all her visits in the time allotted, or thereabouts.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 01/11/2019 04:20

Unless you are paying for a specific timed slot yabu.

DonKeyshot · 01/11/2019 04:25

I appreciate your point but don't think I'd be too fussed over 10-15 minutes either way, jellycatspyjamas.

That said, if the carer was late on a day when I was tight for time due to a planned outing or other appointment I might feel a tad peed off.

BillHadersNewWife · 01/11/2019 04:44

So she's meant to come at 9 but turns up at 8;45? What she's doing is trying to get a headstart on her day. They usually have too many clients to manage. Have you spoken to her office?

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/11/2019 04:45

I think it’s difficult to arrive at an exact time especially during rush hour. She sounds conscientious rather than trying to upset you.

Maybe you could ask her a bit about her day and try and work out for yourself if she can come a little later. It’s all very well people saying she’s there to provide a service and shouldn’t turn up til x time. But there are there are probably 10 people behind op also waiting for that service and maybe there’s a reason she’s coming early, such as a client waiting to be given their breakfast or needing to go to the loo. It’s a human thing to give as well as take.

Sorry I’m not trying to sound unsympathetic. I am disabled. But I am mobile and you have needs that I can meet myself. I also have had contact with carers for relations and see the pressure they’re under to meet everyone’s needs.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/11/2019 04:50

In our area, if your care is commissioned via the Local Authority then care workers have a 30 minute flexibility around timings. So if you have. slot of 9am, the care worker can turn up any tme between 8.30 and 9.30. It's not ideal but it's the only way i can work given the schedules.

If you are finding it a real issue then you can request a Direct Payment and source your own care. This puts you in control.

Pandamodium · 01/11/2019 04:50

I did home care now free relative care instead we get no time allowance, expected to do a 20 minute journey in 5, care appointments that should be 30 minutes in 15 etc.

I worked on average an extra 10 hours a week in my own time.

It's really common, of course the carer should be putting your schedule into consideration but we do have it rough. I'd talk to her nicely if it was me and you explained the problem I would do what I could to resolve it.

Original poster

redwitch5 · 01/11/2019 04:51

Hi, so I know I'm BU a little, but I can't handle a change in plans. I'm autistic, change bad routine good. Can someone help me overcome this? Or am I stuck in "rebooting brain, please wait" mode.
I get she tries to come early for shopping, but I feel pressured to eat fast, and wait for coffee to cool down enough to drink.
I have had issues with this company before, not telling me when a different carer is coming, sending a carer 30 minutes early, it's difficult. Oh and it's done through hospital, so not me paying.

OP posts:

TulipCat · 01/11/2019 04:52

My father in law has daily carers and they don't commit to a set time, just approximate. Have you paid extra for a set time? If not, would it be possible to ask them to change the order of their visit so you are not first? Mainly, though, why does it matter if you are still having breakfast when they come? Does it prevent them carrying out their role? If not, and you have not paid additional money for a guaranteed time, then YABU.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/11/2019 05:08

Can you change your complete schedule? If as Emmagrundy said the carer has a window of an hour to arrive, you effectively would need to be ready fo 8.30 in case she is early.

EleanorReally · 01/11/2019 05:08

Have you said to her, please can you come at 9.00?
although i dont think you have any leg to stand on with only 15 minutes in it.

ivykaty44 · 01/11/2019 05:14

Does the cater go early?
When you say the cater arrives early, is she expecting you to be ready and rush you out the door or does she wait the 10 or 15 minutes and then if you go to the shops?

ivykaty44 · 01/11/2019 05:15

Carer sorry autocorrect

DonKeyshot · 01/11/2019 05:21

I appreciate that any change to your routine is difficult for you but this is incompatible with the way care is delivered when you're not paying for it.

Could you get up 15 minutes earlier on the one day a week that you know your carer will arrive at 8.45am? You may be stuck in 'rebooting' mode for a while, but in time you'll become programmed to make this weekly adjustment and it will become second nature to you.

DonKeyshot · 01/11/2019 05:25

As I understand it, the carer comes to help the OP with personal hygiene and does not take her to the shop/supermarket, ivykaty.

Lilyflower1 · 01/11/2019 05:27

The carer is being paid to help you, not the other way around. Not only is she ignoring her schedule for her own convenience but she is making an autistic person very anxious which is not acceptable.

OP, you need to contact the employer and outline the situation and say you fear confrontation with the carer. If you cannot face phoning then write your concerns down and email or send a letter. Make it factual and polite.

Other posters are right when they say a quarter of an hour is not long and it usually is. However, in the morning, it is a critical amount of time given that cortisol levels causing stress are high and things are on a deadline. If our alarm went off a quarter of an hour late there would be mayhem.

ukgift2016 · 01/11/2019 05:31

Can you not have your parents contact the care company to request they come half an hour later in the mornings?

If they do not know you have an issue then it's not their fault.

BillHadersNewWife · 01/11/2019 05:32

In an ideal world, people should not have to compromise themselves to suit those caring for them. But in reality, she's probably told to make a certain number of calls before midday and on each call, she has to achieve certain things.

She won't have enough time. My sister worked as a carer for a while and left due to this.

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