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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Carer turning up early

96 replies

redwitch5 · 01/11/2019 03:05

Hi, don't know if this is the right forum for this but here we are.
I have carers 4 times a week to help with showering and in the mornings. I do my grocery shop on one of those mornings, and the carer that does that and the next morning always turns up early. I'm usually still having breakfast! I know I get up late most mornings, but still, early is early, and I am trying to get up earlier.
I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful, but you'd think that if she turns up, and I haven't finished breakfast, that would tell her she's coming too early, help! Is there a polite and non-confrontational way to let her know this is getting frustrating? I don't like a scene, and her dog just died over last weekend Sad

OP posts:
Inforthelonghaul · 01/11/2019 07:43

Is she a carer or a support worker? They are different things in the UK.

Carers often have a full schedule of people to see with minimum unpaid travel time and can be early or late depending on how the day is going.

Support work with autism and similar is usually for a scheduled time and a number of hours. Wherever possible there is a continuity of support and for the reason you have explained are expected to be there on the dot because it can cause huge disruption to the client if the routine changes without due preparation.

I don’t think YABU at all to expect them to arrive at the appointed time.

Lunafortheloveogod · 01/11/2019 07:55

Couple of ideas.. it’ll be her time, perhaps leaving you she hits school traffic (parents leaving drop off) and it makes her late for the next person.

While she’s early could she nip up sort your clothes/any other bits and get the shower ready so you’ve got 5-10 minutes longer to eat? And she can get some of the faff out of the way.

I know you said change of routines hard but could either the carer or your dad switch days so there’s not an overlap so there’s no rushing needed? Obviously I get that might be overwhelming and more bother than it’s worth but tis but a suggestion.

I’d also echo the pp’s vibrating alarm suggestions to save you over sleeping.

partysong · 01/11/2019 08:01

I would ask her anyway though OP. It might be that she thinks she's being helpful coming early.

Also be aware of your social cues, if you're up and opening the door as soon as you see her car, she will assume you want her to come in.

I've done home visits before, at times I've arrived early to beat traffic with the intention of sitting in my car for 10 mins (listening to radio, texting, drinking coffee) before I start but if my client opened the door before I had knocked I would feel obliged to go in.

Just ask simply "i know this may not be possible, but are you able to come at 9am rather than early as my autism means I struggle when things are unpredictable" she will tell you if she can't

Deathraystare · 01/11/2019 08:02

If she's a paid carer she's probably not turning up early to try to be helpful; she's trying to stick to a very erratic schedule where she's not paid for the time she travels between clients, she's not paid for any more than the scheduled time with clients, she's not given enough time to travel between some clients and she's given more than enough time to get from the previous client's house to yours.

Exactly! That was why Mum's carers would sometimes be early and sometimes late. I think it is appalling what they were expected to do. They really did not want to use the hoist as that was time consuming and not factored into their time with her.

Idontlikeitsomuch · 01/11/2019 08:09

Turning up 10-15 minutes early in the morning is definitely frustrating for me. Those few minutes feels so much longer and precious. I would say it to the carer, I don't think she would feel offended, most people would understand.

cdtaylornats · 01/11/2019 08:35

You realise the carer is there to meet the OPs needs, not the other way around

Exactly NEEDS not incidental preferences.

rainingallday · 01/11/2019 08:37

@redwitch5

I was with you until you said your carer comes 10-15 minutes early. I thought you were going to say an hour!

As a few posters have said, carers run on a very tight schedule, and don't get paid for travel time. Be more sympathetic and understanding towards her. Being a carer is not an easy job at all.

WillLokireturn · 01/11/2019 08:40

I wish PPs would RTFT. It's already been answered kindly & clearly by those in this field and resolved by OP. A mere 10-15 mins isn't 'early', it's pretty impressively on time ! Any series of PPs saying differently, without knowing this field, muddles it.
Whilst OP has every right to talk to her carers and agency about it, or 'get her dad to ring', they'd merely get same explanation as already given on here and how much effort agency is already going to (which I suspect is the case).

Essential care is being delivered, I doubt Nz has vastly different legislation to UK in that there isn't a 'needs shower care call to arrive at 9am on the dot ' assessed eligible need, as opposed to 'needs shower care call, routines are important client' one (of which 10-15 mins isn't failing to meet!)

WillLokireturn · 01/11/2019 08:41

Sorry, I meant 10-15mins early or later than 9am.... In my last paragraph.

AmIUnreasonableOrNot · 01/11/2019 08:56

Hi Op, my mum is a carer sometimes she will go early to clients as she think it helps them & she can talk to them for an extra 10 mins which a lot of people like. Sometimes she will go early as she has had more work given to her & she needs to get around to everyone quicker than usual. However I understand this isn’t what you want. Just mention it to her she will understand. Just say you’ve been coming a little early recently & I hate to keep you waiting whilst I have breakfast is it possible you could come a little later? She will be absolutely fine with this. Don’t worry x

Original poster
redwitch5 · 01/11/2019 09:31

Hi everyone, thanks. So just to understand, 10-15 minutes is an okay thing? Cause I start getting freaked 5 minutes out from a time given, in either direction. I'm really asking, not joking. From the way my carers talk, I don't think they have too many others to go to? They all mention asking for more clients, and not having anyone until afternoon.
I get that there's traffic and that but why does the company send them to another client at "my" time or send someone else without calling? Shouldn't they? Or is this just my weird brain casing a freak-out?

OP posts:
Original poster
redwitch5 · 01/11/2019 09:32

Oh and DM said we'll keep the vibrating alarm thing as "something to think about" so there's that.

OP posts:
brighteyeowl17 · 01/11/2019 09:36

If it’s nhs paid I don’t think you have any say- and like a poster said it’s to meet needs not wants. If that’s when she gets there to do a task then that’s what she is there for. Might be traffic is lighter that day or something.

Sostenueto · 01/11/2019 09:44

Carers get sick, have children that get sick, have bereavements, car breakdowns etc so you may get another carer turn up without notice. Better someone turns up to see to your needs than no one at all.
I understand ASD needs, understand exacting routine is essential to the condition but things happen compounded more by living in the community where carers are not on the premises 24/7. I am sure talking to carer and agency things will get sorted.

Sostenueto · 01/11/2019 09:45

Whether you pay for are or paid by the state your rights are the same.

Sostenueto · 01/11/2019 09:45

*care

monty09 · 01/11/2019 09:52

I'm a carer and you have a 15 minute leeway either side so she isn't doing it for her own convenience

CuriouslyCuriously · 01/11/2019 09:57

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Carer turning up early65
Today 03:05redwitch5

Hi, don't know if this is the right forum for this but here we are.
I have carers 4 times a week to help with showering and in the mornings. I do my grocery shop on one of those mornings, and the carer that does that and the next morning always turns up early. I'm usually still having breakfast! I know I get up late most mornings, but still, early is early, and I am trying to get up earlier.
I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful, but you'd think that if she turns up, and I haven't finished breakfast, that would tell her she's coming too early, help! Is there a polite and non-confrontational way to let her know this is getting frustrating? I don't like a scene, and her dog just died over last weekend sad

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Today 03:14DonKeyshot

Do your carers only visit in the mornings and what time are they contracted to come to your home?

When you say you 'do your grocery shop on one of those mornings' do you mean you go out to shop or do you order online for delivery to your home?

Today 03:19FiveShelties

How early is carer arriving?

Today 03:42CoalTit

If she's a paid carer she's probably not turning up early to try to be helpful; she's trying to stick to a very erratic schedule where she's not paid for the time she travels between clients, she's not paid for any more than the scheduled time with clients, she's not given enough time to travel between some clients and she's given more than enough time to get from the previous client's house to yours.

Today 03:57redwitch5

More info, my carers come at 9 am, I go out to do my grocery shop. She turns up 10-15 minutes early, and I'm her first client of the day. If this seems short, sorry, I'm not very good at social things. blush
Also, I live at home and Dad takes me grocery shopping when he does his, around 10 am.
Like I said, I do try to be up earlier, but I don't want to be too early. I can't get breakfast myself, so I need parents to do it, and I don't want to "hurry" their breakfast. I have muesli and coffee, if anyone's interested, and coffee's the important bit grin

Today 04:02DonKeyshot

Exactly, CoalTit. This one carer may be coming from a different geographical direction to the others and it's more expedient for her to arrive earlier because of her busy schedule of visits to all of her clients.

If you know one of your carers will be earlier than the others, can't you wait to have breakfast until after her visit, OP?

Today 04:09jellycatspyjamas

If you know one of your carers will be earlier than the others, can't you wait to have breakfast until after her visit, OP?

You realise the carer is there to meet the OPs needs, not the other way around. In what other circumstance would you accept a service at a time you hadn’t planned and adjust your schedule to suit the person providing the service*

That's a hard one... Electrician? Doctor? Courier pickup, vet, hairdresser, practice nurse, physio, car mechanic, I guess at 1 or 2 (hundred more)

ELM8 · 01/11/2019 10:00

This is par for the course in my experience if it's part of a hospital discharge plan and you aren't paying. 10-15 minutes isn't unreasonable unfortunately.

It would be different if you were paying privately...

partysong · 01/11/2019 10:04

OP please just ask her. No one knows your carers situation- especially as I think you said you were in NZ so this isn't a UK NhS or social care service.

Please ask her, people on here can guess but they just don't know for certain, they'll come from their own view points experience.

If it's causing you distress it's a legitimate need. I'll imagine most responses here are from people who are neurotypical. 15 mins wouldn't both me, but I'm neurotypical.

Koloh · 01/11/2019 10:12

OP you are not being unreasonable. This is just not a situation most of the readers here are familiar with so they are not giving you suitable advice in the main. This isn't a great place to get this sort of advice. Have a look in Special Needs where people are way more experienced in both autism and handling the complexities of living with care.

For what it's worth, you're not being unreasonable; I don't know how good or bad your care agency is. In my experience they always cause such a massive drama over everything that I never complain unless lives are at stake. I do talk to carers personally when I can as they are often good humans who want to help you. I don't know your situation so can't know which is best; in my own experience I would talk, gently, to the carer and ask her to come at the correct time, as a specific way to help you in the morning.

CuriouslyCuriously · 01/11/2019 10:33

I have no idea what happened to the formatting on my post, apologies.

LegallyBrunet · 01/11/2019 10:37

I used to work in home care. Our clients were given a set time but we could be 15 minutes late or 15 minutes early. I used to walk or rely on public transport to do my rounds which meant that I often had to arrive early to each call to fit everyone in as the travel times between clients were estimated based on driving.

Bibidy · 01/11/2019 10:40

Hi everyone, thanks. So just to understand, 10-15 minutes is an okay thing? Cause I start getting freaked 5 minutes out from a time given, in either direction. I'm really asking, not joking.

Yes to this. 10-15 minutes around the scheduled time is perfectly normal. It's highly unlikely that anyone would arrive bang on 9am.

I would say most people get to work around 10-15 minutes earlier than their day officially starts. It may also be that your carer is concerned about being late.

If possible, I think you'd be better off pushing your morning backward by 15 mins. If you can get everything done 15 mins earlier your problem is solved. Alternatively speak to/ask your parents to speak to your carer and ask her not to knock for you until 9am as it upsets your routine. I'm sure as a carer she'll understand this.

RB68 · 01/11/2019 10:53

Its normal to allow some flexibility in arrival times - but you could specifiy that if they are to be more than 5 mins either way they message you somehow to let you know.

It is also normal if your usual carer is not available (holiday, sickness etc) for someone else to be sent instead - rather than leave you without care, but it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to ask them to notify you if this is the case particularly with your conditions.

btw if coffee is too hot to drink you can add cold water, it dilutes but also cools, its better than too much milk in my view!