.... And people should bloody well be more careful about how they speak to children sometimes?
My nephew, DH's sister's son, is ten. I have known him since he was a young toddler,and I have been biting my tongue for exactly that long. He has never had any boundaries, has always been allowed all the sweets, TV and xbox time he wants, is bought whatever he wants (only for SIL to chuck it in the bin weeks later when he loses interest)
BIL and SIL are very preoccupied with their own lives, and left him with PIL all the time, from babyhood. They never took him out anywhere. His first trip to the swimming pool was with DH and I when he was six, and his first trip to the local library (which he lives minutes away from) was with his school.
On top of that, and in my opinion the worst thing, is the language used by SIL and PIL towards him. They would call him "a nightmare" in front of him, "a bad egg," and say things like 'well there's no point in your mummy and daddy trying to do anything with you, you're bad, you're a menace" that sort of thing. SIL resents having to parent, and is very much the spoilt golden child - I think they've set DN up as a child who is "born bad" and is making poor Sils life hard, rather than admitting the truth that BIL and SIL have both shirked their responsibilities
I've seen him come into PILs from school, all excited about something, only to have the excitement squelched out of him by them sniffing and sneering.
DH and I tried our best, we have taken him for many, many days out and overnights, and found him a lovely boy.
Recently however, he is miserable - he stays up until midnight playing his video games, he doesn't want to see his friends any more, and he says he hates his life. I asked if SIL and BIL were going to take him to the GP- no, he's a moan, he's always been the same.
DH and I now have a baby of our own, and I can see the comments starting up again. PIL fell out with me a bit after her birth, as apparently I was "too excited and worked up" and "thought my child was better than everyone else's". Now that she's becoming a (very stubborn!) toddler, they're coming out with the comments. I've been told that DD is going to be "a nightmare" "a tomboy" and "not to expect she'll do anything she's told", they've tried to feed her sweets (hard jellies, a choking hazard) and they huff because I don't make her give them kisses,calling her "a bad girl"
I have been doing the silly "talk through your child" thing - "tell Nana you aren't a bad girl, you're a lovely girl, nobody has to give kisses" but I'm not sure if it's passive aggressive.
I'm just so sad for my nephew, and angry that they're now trying it with DD. I don't mean to sound precious, but that attitude is just not what I want for my child. DH has poor self esteem and low confidence, though it's got a lot better in recent years - but I can see why.
Sorry, not quite sure what my AIBU is- just a rant really, as I don't have anyone else to talk about this to, and don't want to rant too much to DH as it is his family at the end of the day. And I suppose some validation that I'm not some sort of naive snob, which I'm pretty sure they think I am