To think it was inappropriate for a T-orT-ing woman to ask my son this Q?

[DameofDarts]

While I was on the phone earlier and before I’d put the pumpkin out, we had our first trick-or-treat knock on the door. I couldn’t end my phone call as it was the police phoning (I was assaulted a few weeks ago). My 10yo son asked if he should answer the door and I gestured “no”, but he wilfully misinterpreted that to mean yes and did so anyway. I couldn’t see the people but could hear them. DS gave sweets to the little girl then I heard the woman ask “and how old are you?” DS replies “um, 10”, and she said “oh, a big boy”.

I was instinctively that she’d asked him this. Her child was apparently about 4 years old, and DS doesn’t know her so it’s not like there was a reason to ask. Maybe she thought he was home alone and was judgey? As I was in the next room I’d assume she’d heard me on the phone. The Q does ring particular alarm bells for me because of an unpleasant incident years ago when I was about 13; a man stopped me in the street by asking me the time, then my age, and then tried to persuade me to get into his pickup truck to come and meet his daughter.

But that aside, DS was uncomfortable at the Q which is the reason why I would never ask a child who was ostensibly on their own their age or any other personal questions. I’m sure the woman didn’t mean any harm but AIBU to think it was inappropriate of her to ask?

It's polite conversation. She'll have forgotten by the time they're at the next door.

I think she was maybe surprised to see him answer the door and was just chit-chatting.

I think you're over thinking it a bit. People speak shite when they've got nothing else to say, much like chat about the weather.

Nope, just completely normal conversation.

I think you may be projecting because of your past traumas. I would have probably said something similar if I had little tots with me and was talking to a 10 year old, 'say thank you to the big boy' that type of thing.

Probably because he answered the door himself?

I think she was just making conversation and didn’t mean any harm

You're overthinking it. Kids usually like telling people how old they are, it's a perfectly normal question.

Yes YABU. She was just being sociable.

Ummm.... yabu. 🙈It's getting so you can't speak to a child these days. Absolute nothing here ..at all.... nope

Totally normal and good for your son to be conversing with people

My 8 and 2 yo did all pf the door opening and sweet giving. They were asked 'how old are you?' 'Where did you get such a big pumpkin?' 'What's your costume?' By lots of people- i think it was just polite chit chat. I think you are over thinking it. Sorry to hear you were assaulted.

She was just being polite.

Google is going to have to produce a snowflake translator to avoid all the triggers of the willfully offended.

I cant believe this would warrant even a second thought. It was just conversation. It's just a typical (inane) question people ask children

I don’t think it’s particularly ‘personal’. It’s just something anyone might say to a child, in the same way you might say ‘How’s school?’ or ‘What’s your favourite toy?’

Yes you’re all right, I’m being silly, it’s normal conversation when you have a smaller child. Thank you. I do think it was a ‘trauma’ reaction because my instinct - which I didn’t act on - was to go flying to the door in a fit of over-protectiveness and ask her what she was playing at It was only when writing this that I made the connection to that incident.

@Baguetteaboutit yes OP is being a bit oversensitive here (potentially from how past experiences have affected her) but I don’t think there’s any reason to be rude

It’s fine. I call my ds a big boy to little ones as a sort of role model.

A Trick or Treating woman with a four-year-old in tow is hardly likely to be a female version of the Pied Piper.

You're overthinking this.

Jeez get a grip. Perfectly normal conversation.

I'd find it odd. But, I'd treat any older child or teen the same as I would an adult in a situation like that. 'Big boy' is a very condescending thing to say to a child over about 4.

YABU but I understand why you’re overthinking and sorry you’ve gone through that xxx
It was just normal and friendly conversation though x

I think it's a fairly standard thing to say to a child when you don't know them and are trying to be polite.

Glad you didn't fly at the door at her. It was harmless chit chat. She was trying to make conversation with someone she has nothing to converse about!!