To think it was inappropriate for a T-orT-ing woman to ask my son this Q?

[DameofDarts]

While I was on the phone earlier and before I’d put the pumpkin out, we had our first trick-or-treat knock on the door. I couldn’t end my phone call as it was the police phoning (I was assaulted a few weeks ago). My 10yo son asked if he should answer the door and I gestured “no”, but he wilfully misinterpreted that to mean yes and did so anyway. I couldn’t see the people but could hear them. DS gave sweets to the little girl then I heard the woman ask “and how old are you?” DS replies “um, 10”, and she said “oh, a big boy”.

I was instinctively that she’d asked him this. Her child was apparently about 4 years old, and DS doesn’t know her so it’s not like there was a reason to ask. Maybe she thought he was home alone and was judgey? As I was in the next room I’d assume she’d heard me on the phone. The Q does ring particular alarm bells for me because of an unpleasant incident years ago when I was about 13; a man stopped me in the street by asking me the time, then my age, and then tried to persuade me to get into his pickup truck to come and meet his daughter.

But that aside, DS was uncomfortable at the Q which is the reason why I would never ask a child who was ostensibly on their own their age or any other personal questions. I’m sure the woman didn’t mean any harm but AIBU to think it was inappropriate of her to ask?

Hope you are ok, op.

Ok I see I've missed a drip feed. Hope you're ok OP.
But I still won't be speaking to any kids unless I know their parents.

Maybe being part of trick or treat wasn’t a good choice for you this year. My mother hates it as she’s nervous about callers and doesn’t open the door.

In the nicest way, I think you’re being a bit paranoid. I doubt she meant anything by it. Your own experience will have made you wary but that’s quite different because, sadly the statistics show that men are far, far more likely to be sex offenders than women.

I suspect when she said ‘oh, a big boy’ that she was really speaking for her own child’s benefit not yours. Small children look up to bigger children!

Sorry to hear you were assaulted and that you were the victim of an abduction attempt.

Bonkers!

She was probably just making chit chat. There's not a lot of small talk you can make with a 10 year old. What's she going to do, ask his opinions on the general election? grin

@AllStarBySmashMouth If she’d asked DS his opinions on the general election, she’d still be on my doorstep

@louderthan1 it wasn’t a dripfeed, I mentioned my recent assault and childhood attempted abduction in my OP. I just went into more detail in my 2nd post because some astute posters got me thinking about their relevance to why I was massively over-sensitive

Literally the only thing I ever ask kids is “so how old are you then?” I have nothing else!

What question would you have been happy with?

Based on this one crazy post-and it might not reflect you at all- I would say that you need more therapy before you're fit to be out and about in normal life.

If I had been that woman and you actually had flown to the door to ask what my game was, I would have first wondered if your crazy behaviour was a game for Halloween and then, discovering it wasn't, would have put a big note on your gatepost warning people with children not to knock as a nutter would open the door.

@MoonbeamsandPolkaDots Oh fgs i revealed what my emotional instinct was (flying to the door) as some light-hearted self-deprecation after already admitting I was BU. Not so I could be judged on it. Obviously I’d never have done this or even actually wanted to. It was a thought for a nanosecond. I have all sorts of emotive but split-second-lasting impulses that I’d never act on. Don’t most people?

Did you know the woman who attacked you in the street or was it totally random ?

You have obviously experienced trauma in your life and are massively projecting. The woman was making basic small talk, you need counselling.

Sounds normal to me

@Footiefan2019 it was totally random. Outside a cafe. Several people at the cafe witnessed it and one called the police. I think the woman who assaulted me had drug issues/mental health problems. It was upsetting mainly because my son was with me. We were both shaken afterwards.

Loads of kids answer the door to trick or treaters. It's nothing.

This is why so many people would be unwilling to help a child in need (Alone, Crying, etc)
Because they are so afraid of what people will "think"

Christ almighty