To think it was inappropriate for a T-orT-ing woman to ask my son this Q?

[DameofDarts]

While I was on the phone earlier and before I’d put the pumpkin out, we had our first trick-or-treat knock on the door. I couldn’t end my phone call as it was the police phoning (I was assaulted a few weeks ago). My 10yo son asked if he should answer the door and I gestured “no”, but he wilfully misinterpreted that to mean yes and did so anyway. I couldn’t see the people but could hear them. DS gave sweets to the little girl then I heard the woman ask “and how old are you?” DS replies “um, 10”, and she said “oh, a big boy”.

I was instinctively that she’d asked him this. Her child was apparently about 4 years old, and DS doesn’t know her so it’s not like there was a reason to ask. Maybe she thought he was home alone and was judgey? As I was in the next room I’d assume she’d heard me on the phone. The Q does ring particular alarm bells for me because of an unpleasant incident years ago when I was about 13; a man stopped me in the street by asking me the time, then my age, and then tried to persuade me to get into his pickup truck to come and meet his daughter.

But that aside, DS was uncomfortable at the Q which is the reason why I would never ask a child who was ostensibly on their own their age or any other personal questions. I’m sure the woman didn’t mean any harm but AIBU to think it was inappropriate of her to ask?

YABU

It’s normal conversation but it seems strange your son was so uncomfortable about simply being asked his age?

I think you're projecting based on a bad experience on the street ... please try to stop.

It must be exhausting to live with this level of paranoia. You've turned a perfectly normal question into something sinister.

You told him not to open the door and he did?
You need to have a discussion with him about not disobeying your instructions or your over-protectiveness will spiral into the stratosphere. Not good for either of you.

Sorry for what you went through op it’s bound to set off triggers at times.
Have you had any therapy or treatment for trauma?

Sorry I’m not bc expecting an answer to that previous post, just v wanted to raise it

Just conversation I think.

More inappropriate the woman who answered the door to the kids and a massive billow of weed smoke came out!

Definitely normal. She was probably just thrown because she wasn't expecting a boy to answer the door and said the first thing she could think of that would pass for conversation. People constantly ask DS1 his age. He hates talking to strangers so always looks like he'd rather die than answer. I don't think it's the question that bothers him, more the attempt to force him to engage in normal social interaction.

Wow, yabu.

Sounds like just chitchat. What else would you speak to a kid about? You can’t ask what school they are at or any personal details these days!

I think your recent assault has caused you to flashback to the incident when you were 13. Be gentle with yourself.

This woman was probably just contrasting her little one to your 'big boy'.

What the hell. A contender for the most ridiculous AIBU surely.

I don't think the woman said anything wrong, quite honestly I've no idea what you're getting at. It was small talk. You are not being 'judgy' but you may be 'judgemental'. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

However I'm sorry your son was embarrassed, he's only young but you can reassure him nothing inappropriate was said.

Having just been out with my own kids this is banal chit chat of the sort I've been making for the last couple of hours.

I can imagine it's hard to out trauma totally in the past but try not to let your son pick on fear of normal conversation. A woman with a four year old is very safe as strangers go. Especially when you are inviting people to knock on your door

Why is there any need to make conversation with a complete stranger? There's a script, 'trick or treat', then 'thank you'.

I tried to have a tiny exchange with everyone - commenting on their decorations or costume or something. It's part of the friendly atmosphere

I think it was a normal conversation to have.

I've just a women at the door with her dd's she asked me where I got my mirror in the hallway from😦

Normal question, especially from a women who maybe isn't as used to talking to older kids as hers is younger.

I used to teach in the same town I lived in. When my children were small every other person I spoke to was introduced to them as one of my big boys/girls/so-and-so’s mummy/daddy who used to be one of my big girls/boys. It’s honestly just conversation with a child that you are hyper-sensitive to. Your ten year old will be negotiating travelling on his own to secondary in the next couple of years, people will speak to him and you’ll need to cope. Please be kind to yourself and find some counselling for yourself if that causes you distress.

The OP asks a question then agrees, very nicely, that she’s being unreasonable a mere 15 minutes later.

This is very confusing. This isn’t how AIBU should go at all!

There's nothing wrong with what she asked.

I've just a women at the door with her dd's she asked me where I got my mirror in the hallway from😦

Why the shock? It's such an inane question.

Why are people so sensitive 🤦🏻‍♀️

Totally reasonable conversation and if your DC was feeling uncomfortable then it would make me wonder if some of your understandable paranoia from your past has rubbed off on him.

@Chloe84 Why is it inane? Sounds like a reasonable question to me - maybe she liked it, and what better way to find out where it was from? Not stupid at all.

She probably just wanted to be friendly and that was the first question that came to her. If her child is only 4 she might not have much experience with older children but wanted to say something to him. I wouldn't think she had any hidden motives in asking him.