AIBU to think that a lot of the tensions and one-upmanships between mothers could be resolved by equal division of household and childrearing responsibilities between men and women

[Goodnightseamer]

... and that all of these types of discussion focus on the wrong target?

Eg the endless do wohp do more, is it really so bad to be a single parent circular discussions. These would all be redundant if fathers just also lived in a way that took account of the fact that they have children because then there wouldn't be any women left doing too much.

I think the sort of people who get tense about other people's lives and go in for one-upmanship, are going to be like that no matter what.

True enough. I just wonder if there's some kind of frustration behind it and really the frustration is that people feel they're doing too much unrecognised. Which is a state of affairs that is largely due to unequal division of household labour.