I am your Mother-in-law ask me anything - Halloween Special edition.🎃

[Milfromhades]

I don't know why my DiLs consider Halloween the perfect time for me to put an AMA in AIBU, but as you know, I am always happy to help.

You may wonder how I got into AIBU while you were out, well I had my own set of keys cut, I knew you wouldn't mind. I must say the place was absolutely filthy and I have had to give it a good scrubbing (I tidied up your knicker drawer while I was at it), don't worry I don't expect any thanks! Now it is looking a little better and I have time to put my feet up with a cuppa and answer some of your questions. I have opened that naice box of chocolates I found in the bottom of your wardrobe, waste not, want not I always say.

I consider myself an expert on most subjects so do feel free to ask me anything you like. Here are a few FAQS to get you started:

Should I go to MiL for Christmas? Of course, I have already got the sprouts on and nearly finished knitting you a hideous jumper with one arm slightly too short. It should be most jolly.

We have already named dd 1 after MiL, should I name dd2 after my own mother? There's no need to choose a family name for your second, I would go with a flower name, something classic like Rose (coincidentally my own middle name).

Are you in favour of Brexit? Yes, I am sorry for my friends who have retired to Spain, but I'm afraid it's a necessary first step towards restoring the Empire in time for our dear Queen's centenary year. I am not so naive as to think it will all be smooth sailing though, and I am certainly not adverse to a bit of "prepping". I have built up quite a stockpile myself. Luckily your FiL is partial to spam.

What do you think of trick-or-treating and should I decorate the house for Halloween? Quite frankly no-one would notice the difference if you turned your house into a ghastly hovel festooned with cobwebs so I shouldn't waste your time. As for trick-or-treating I used to think it a vulgar American practice not that much different to demanding money with menaces, but then I found out that, in fact it is all based on the ancient Scottish tradition of Guising so that is absolutely fine.

Now I look forward to answering any other questions you may have for me so ask away.

Why do you ask for present ideas for the DC, I tell you something they would really like and so don't buy it myself. Then you buy something totally different. This way they get a surprise.

Why do you moan we never visit whilst also never inviting us or letting us come round when we ask to?

Why were you always so bloody early - was it to try and catch me out? Just exactly how much sweets, crisps & other contraband did you give the kids behind our backs?

Why do you say you want to come and see DS but actually you ignore him and all you do is talk to me about people and things I don't give a shit about?
I like seeing him whilst I gossip about my friends, it's a great day out for me.

Why do you moan we never visit whilst also never inviting us or letting us come round when we ask to?
It means you can never win which I enjoy.

Why were you always so bloody early - was it to try and catch me out? Just exactly how much sweets, crisps & other contraband did you give the kids behind our backs?
The early bird catches the worm dear, or in this case gives out the jelly worms.

Why do you treat dsil children so much nicer than ours?

Can you explain "luxury marge"? Asking for a friend.

Why do you keep sending letters addressed to me as Mrs. {enter your DS’s surname and yours} when you know I kept my name?
It helps me to live out my fantasy of you being a dutiful DiL I approve of.

Why do you treat dsil children so much nicer than ours?
Divide and conquer is one of my parenting strategies, when you aren't there i always boast about your dc to your SiL, she hates it you will be glad to hear.

Why do you still say mean things about DH?
He is nice to you, a generous host and the only child to give you the grandchildren you craved.

Can you explain "luxury marge"? Asking for a friend.
Not something I would recommend for someone with your thick thighs dear, you want the low fat spread.

Why do you only communicate by text, always wait for us to ring you and then bleat on that you 'wish the family talked more and got together more'?

Why do you insist on photoshopping pictures of my dd to prove she looks like you when really she looks like me? But ignoring my ds who is the spitting image of your son?

Why do you still say mean things about DH? It keeps him keen.

Why do you only communicate by text, always wait for us to ring you and then bleat on that you 'wish the family talked more and got together more'? I'm hinting you should take me out for a nice meal somewhere fancy.

Why do you insist on photoshopping pictures of my dd to prove she looks like you when really she looks like me? But ignoring my ds who is the spitting image of your son?
I mean you have to be impressed with my tech skills though.

Why do you criticise me for giving my child pasta and rice because of the secondary sugars and then buy them vast amounts of haribo?

Blimey this is a vile thread. I’ve reported it in the hope that MNHQ thinks it’s vile too.

Blimey this is a vile thread. I’ve reported it in the hope that MNHQ thinks it’s vile too. Just my little Halloween fun dear, I'm not saying all MiL are like that.

Bertrand - it’s not like you to have a sense of humour bypass.

Thanks @Milfromhades . Good answer!

Ex MIL (current is lovely),
Why do you tell everyone we look so alike when your own husband points out that you are short and fat while I am not? Why oh why would you want to believe that your son is sexually attracted to a clone of you? 🤢

Why can't you understand that your way to make gravy isn't the right way to make gravy. There are many ways to make gravy, each one as valid as yours. I just happened to choose one of the other ways.

Why do you criticise me for giving my child pasta and rice because of the secondary sugars and then buy them vast amounts of haribo?
You don't want to cut out whole food groups for the dc it's just not healthy.