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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at not being invited to this party ?

65 replies

RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:30

Someone who I have worked with for a year is leaving and is having a leaving do next week.
I see her every day and we get on well. I don't see her out of work I would not say we are mega close but we have spoken a couple of times during the weekends.

Anyway we have a good laugh and have confided stuff to each other at work.

She has worked her for 4 years as have most of the others. She is inviting everyone in our department minus myself and a girl who literally joined on Monday.

I just feel a bit disappointed to be singled out. I think if she didn't like me she would just be polite and nothing more, but she goes out of her way to be friendly and chatty with me.

I know it's her choice who she does or doesn't invite and i'm not going to say anything. But just feel a bit left out. Aibu ?

OP posts:
Dizzywizz · 31/10/2019 09:32

That seems odd - are you sure you’re not invited, and it’s not just a mix up?

Dizzywizz · 31/10/2019 09:32

It seems mean not to invite the new girl as well, if it’s a work thing

Original poster
RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:33

Sorry there is one other member of staff she isn't inviting either. He has been working with us for 2 months now.
I don't think so, I heard her going through the list of invites with our colleague, and she didnt know that I was in the room

OP posts:
SellmeyourMLMcrap · 31/10/2019 09:36

It seems mean not to invite the new girl as well, if it’s a work thing

With another relatively new starter also not being invited, personally I would boycott out of principle.
Your colleague sounds like an absolute prick to me. I've never worked in an environment where this would be considered acceptable and I've had some shitty jobs.

Original poster
RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:37

Yeah if it were me, I would invite the whole department including the girl who had just joined. It is only work colleagues, and she isn't exactly going on about the party in front of others but i'm sure word will get round.

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 31/10/2019 09:38

That is very pointed, OP. I'd be very hurt, though I'd try not to show it to the others. Is there any obvious reason she might have excluded just you, like a big age gap or a difference in status (are you her line manager?) or are they headed for a place your expressed principles or religious beliefs would make you uncomfortable?

A quiet word along the lines of, "I'm a bit bewildered about not being invited to your do along with everyone else as I've always thought we got on well and I respect your work. Have I ever said or done something to make you feel you'd rather I wasn't there?"

Provincialbelle · 31/10/2019 09:40

What is the “do” that requires a select attendance list? Most work leaving do’s are drinks at the pub surely, meaning everyone can come who wants to. Seems odd to have some sort of exclusive event, and thereby signal you like some more than others.

Original poster
RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:41

I am late 20s and I think shes around 40, though 2 of the girls invited are younger than me.
And we are in exactly the same role. She has never been funny or off with me in the slightest but maybe she just feels we aren't very 'close' ah well.

OP posts:
Original poster
RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:42

She's going for a meal in some restaurant apparently. I guess if that's her way of doing things, oh well.

OP posts:
Fookadook · 31/10/2019 09:42

Surely work leaving do’s are inclusive of everyone? Since when do they have a guest list? Leaving out the new person as well seems really shitty, what a way to make someone feel welcome.

Preparingfor · 31/10/2019 09:43

She can't be close to everyone else though surely? I think I'd be tempted to ask her why quietly.

Original poster
RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:44

Yeah I agree it's a bit harsh on the new person. She has worked with the others 4-5 years fair enough, but I have still worked with her for 1 year.

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 31/10/2019 09:47

Is there someone going that you don’t get on with ? Could they have asked that you aren’t invited ( clutching at straws) , even so it’s mean of this woman not to invite you. I would be hurt too and would be overly jolly about it. ‘ I do hope you all have a lovely time, what are you wearing ‘ etc .

Pumperthepumper · 31/10/2019 09:49

Are you sure you haven’t missed an email invite?

7yo7yo · 31/10/2019 09:52

You’ve got nothing to lose by asking her.

Gardai · 31/10/2019 10:09

That’s hurtful OP, a bit odd on her part and incredibly rude if done on purpose, I’m hoping it’s an oversight.

katewhinesalot · 31/10/2019 10:09

How many are invited. A select 4 or so of close friends is different to not being asked to a group of 20.

Newschapter · 31/10/2019 10:13

I'd ask her.

I don't like leaving people out.

My colleague left on a Friday and she had drinks after work in a pub.

Her replacement had started on the Wednesday so they overlapped by two days.

He was asked to the leaving do and came and enjoyed it! It wouldn't have crossed our mind not to invite someone new!!

Gonetoget · 31/10/2019 10:14

Do you follow a special diet that would make it awkward to eat out with them ?
How many people is she inviting ?

HouseworkAvoider10 · 31/10/2019 10:15

I would ask her, why you haven't been invited.

wednesday32 · 31/10/2019 10:15

I personally would not be bothered as she's clearly just a colleague and not a friend. She's probably closer to the other people she's invited and intends on seeing them outside of work once she leaves.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2019 10:16

Clearly she is choosing to go out with people, she’s known for longer. Try not to take it personally. It isn’t about you or the relationship you have with her. Needless to say I can understand why you are upset and it is thoughtless.

AryaStarkWolf · 31/10/2019 10:16

That's awful, I would have thought a work leaving do would have everyone invited, even new staff. Awful to just not invite a couple of people. It's nasty

underground76 · 31/10/2019 10:19

It's possible that it was just a mistake - it's easy to miss someone accidentally off a list.

She should have invited everyone, including the two new people, though. Even if they don't come, at least the offer is there and it's a polite gesture.

I had a leaving do at my last job and there was a woman in my department that I actively despised and who also hated me, but I still invited her because I'm not a complete child and it would have been petty to invite literally everyone else and not her.

To my amazement, she actually came as well, although I don't remember us actually exchanging a single word all night.

Passthewinebottle · 31/10/2019 10:26

I'd 100% ask. Or ask someone else if they can ask why (you know, as if it hasn't come from you), if you don't want to. Or ask her if she's having a leaving thing? She's leaving anyway, and things like this really bother me, so I wouldn't let it lie.