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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at not being invited to this party ?

65 replies

RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:30

Someone who I have worked with for a year is leaving and is having a leaving do next week.
I see her every day and we get on well. I don't see her out of work I would not say we are mega close but we have spoken a couple of times during the weekends.

Anyway we have a good laugh and have confided stuff to each other at work.

She has worked her for 4 years as have most of the others. She is inviting everyone in our department minus myself and a girl who literally joined on Monday.

I just feel a bit disappointed to be singled out. I think if she didn't like me she would just be polite and nothing more, but she goes out of her way to be friendly and chatty with me.

I know it's her choice who she does or doesn't invite and i'm not going to say anything. But just feel a bit left out. Aibu ?

OP posts:

StormTreader · 31/10/2019 12:27

...Why not ask though?

northerngirl2012 · 31/10/2019 12:28

As you've said, remain polite but no need to get a gift as you're not invited. Every cloud and all that. It's a bit hurtful of her, no idea why you'd do it really. Totally different if inviting a few out of a department of 50 or so, but no reason to only leave out a couple of people, especially the newer ones.

Sunsoottitsoot · 31/10/2019 12:29

Did you get the promotion and she didnt?

ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens · 31/10/2019 12:30

Poor form. Leaving dos should either be on an open invitation, or sufficiently select (fewer than half the people in your team/department) that no one feels singled out if not invited.

Anything between all and half, and you are on dodgy ground.

m00rfarm · 31/10/2019 12:32

Ask her if she’d like to go out for a farewell drink with you.

RowenaMud · 31/10/2019 12:32

A similar thing happened to me in a job. I had lunch with EVERY day with two women. One of the women got married and invited loads of people to the afters of her wedding but didn’t invite either of us. We were very confused and when it became obvious that it wasn’t a mistake, we were really hurt. Neither of us know why and the odd thing was she then sent us loads of her wedding photos to admire and tried to meet up with us which never happened for obvious reasons. We didn’t say anything at the time but she later said something vague about not inviting us because she thought we would be too busy.

It’s years ago now and with the benefit of hindsight I can see she wasn’t/isn’t a nice person but at the time it was hurtful and embarrassing.

Your colleague sounds like a user OP and not inviting a new colleague is nasty too. I wouldn’t want to go to her select party.

StroppyWoman · 31/10/2019 12:35

Is it her leaving do, though? Wouldn't that just be a drink after work with anyone who came along?
This sounds like a meal for a gang who'd worked together for years given they're leaving out all those who joined within the last year. A friendship group thing rather than a leaving do, perhaps?

misspiggy19 · 31/10/2019 12:43

I'd ask her in passing if she's planning a leaving-do and see what she says...

^I would exactly this. You’ll soon have your answer

RowenaMud · 31/10/2019 12:46

This sounds like a meal for a gang who'd worked together for years given they're leaving out all those who joined within the last year. A friendship group thing rather than a leaving do, perhaps?

I worked with a team of twelve where eight of the team had this ‘friendship’ group including the manager. It was awful to sit in the middle of a team and listen to plans being made for nights out, cinema trips and get togethers during the week and hear them saying ‘see you tomorrow night’ as they left on Fri afternoons. Four of us ‘newbies’ although we had been there for a few years were never in the group and of course the group mentality affected the working week as they’d support each other’s ideas in meetings when it was obvious it had already been discussed outside of work etc. It was such an unprofessional team.

Any arrangements between friendship groups should be strictly outside of the work environment as it is often another name for excluding others which is a form of bullying.

LionKingLover · 31/10/2019 12:54

Is ask her of she was planning any leaving drinks or a do and see what she says

poobumwee · 31/10/2019 13:03

Don't sign her leaving card, or contribute to her gift!

TheFesteredStiff · 31/10/2019 13:06

It's more than likely she's just missed you off the distribution list. If she hasn't, why would you want to go anyway?

We have a large department. There are often events or cakes or lunches or social stuff. It seems like any given sender either has a select list of people and misses out someone they would have wanted to invite and then is mortified or we get mails to the entire department from someone who we've never met but is paranoid about offending anyone.

Apackoflips · 31/10/2019 14:18

I used to have to create lists of people and send them paper invitations for my old job. The total of people was anything around 20-30 people at one time. These were all people I was working with on daily basis.
I would start the list at work as I could fit it in between other jobs but would continue at home. Every single time I would be short of people on the list so I would have to finish the darned things the next day.
These were never people I disliked at all , just middle of the road folk who neither amazed or annoyed me - just got on with things. The people I disliked actually got included in the first draft as they were at the forefront of my mind.
Im willing to bet that you are a quietish type of nice person who has just been overlooked this time. Give her nudge by asking if she is having a leaving do.

getoutofthatgarden202 · 31/10/2019 14:35

so weird - i think for work events you should invite everyone!

I was working somewhere a few years ago and the whole team of girls planned a big night out right in front of me and never invited me - i thought, wow thanks for the welcome guys...i thought it was so strange!

If someone new starts at my office now I always make an effort to include them, take them for lunch, arrange a social event!!

Pingulighthouse · 07/09/2024 00:54

Happy Friday, folks

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