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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at not being invited to this party ?

65 replies

RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 09:30

Someone who I have worked with for a year is leaving and is having a leaving do next week.
I see her every day and we get on well. I don't see her out of work I would not say we are mega close but we have spoken a couple of times during the weekends.

Anyway we have a good laugh and have confided stuff to each other at work.

She has worked her for 4 years as have most of the others. She is inviting everyone in our department minus myself and a girl who literally joined on Monday.

I just feel a bit disappointed to be singled out. I think if she didn't like me she would just be polite and nothing more, but she goes out of her way to be friendly and chatty with me.

I know it's her choice who she does or doesn't invite and i'm not going to say anything. But just feel a bit left out. Aibu ?

OP posts:

Leflic · 31/10/2019 10:27

I think it’s pretty mean.You invite everyone to a work thing. That’s the point.

However I do work with people who are completely socially inept. Laughing too long and loudly at things that aren’t funny/their own jokes, asking stupid questions, chipping in at inappropriate times. They are nice people as it goes but hard work.
Do you think you might be one of these and she’s thought fuck it I’ll never gave to see her again?

Not justifying her leaving you out, some people are rude but maybe not brave enough to tell you she finds you annoying?

StormTreader · 31/10/2019 10:34

I got missed off a party this weekend - sent a text saying "hi, heard you're having a party. I totally understand if I havent made the invite list, just wanted to check it wasnt an admin oversight :)" and got a reply with an invite as it was just an accident.

If you're really feeling you're close with this person then ask, just ready yourself that the answer might be "no, sorry".

Hollywolly1 · 31/10/2019 10:37

If it is on purpose to not invite you you can really consider yourself very lucky,this is how some people get their kicks and they are just sad sad people. If I was working in an offuce and saw this going on I'd make an excuse to not go because I would not associate myself with some one like her.These things happen to everyone at some stage and it is not nice.It happened to me when a group I was very friendly with where 2 had a wedding,everyone invited except me.I had my wedding after those wedding but I invited all of them.What I can't understand is to this day one of those girls always after me to meet up bla bla and while I speak when I meet her I never ever met up with her because guess what,an elephant never forgets.phew sorry for the rant just has to get that out there

AryaStarkWolf · 31/10/2019 10:38

To my amazement, she actually came as well, although I don't remember us actually exchanging a single word all night.

I suppose if she was going to celebrate anything with you it would be you leaving?

just kidding, just kidding :p

alreadyinchristmasmood · 31/10/2019 10:38

I also believe it might be a mistake/misunderstanding. Tbh, I'd just ask her straight

maddening · 31/10/2019 10:41

As she is leaving there is nothing to be lost by asking, and if it was not a mistake then at least you can save money that you won't be putting in her leaving collection.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 31/10/2019 10:52

Your colleague sounds like an absolute prick to me. I've never worked in an environment where this would be considered acceptable and I've had some shitty jobs.

As McCrap says - shitty job or not, usually everybody is invited to a leaving do - even people who started that week (gives them a chance to get to know us, warts and all). I've never been anywhere where it hasn't just been a general invitation to the whole department, though obviously some people might have it tailored (eg "Meet at 7.00 at the 'Dicky Ticker' - (menu attached). Afterwards on to 'Hot Rats A-Go-Go' for any who fancy really making a night of it. See you all there! (Nigel - do NOT bring your trombone hahahaha "))

To have targeted invitations is way out of my experience

Crinkle77 · 31/10/2019 10:54

Make sure you don't but in to her leaving collection of sign her card.

ThreeLittleDots · 31/10/2019 10:55

I'd ask her in passing if she's planning a leaving-do and see what she says...

BirthdayCakes · 31/10/2019 11:01

It does sound like a mistake OP - I can't imagine anyone doing this on purpose unless they were pure evil.

The last time I left a job (15 years ago!) I forgot to invite a really lovely woman - she was in another department but we chatted fairly regularly - it just completely slipped my mind because I had so much going on with winding up my old job and preparing for the new.. Are you physically around her much? Could there be a reason you were overlooked such as desk layout, different department, not on a certain mailing list?

Morgan12 · 31/10/2019 11:03

Say something. Make her feel awkward at least. Don't be a pushover.

FavouriteSoul · 31/10/2019 11:06

It sounds like an oversight rather than a deliberate snub. I would just say "how come I'm not invited to your leaving do, eh?' and see what she says. If she stutters some bullshit about there being restricted numbers then, yes, you've been left out. The likelihood is that she will tell you that you are invited. It's unusual for leaving dos to be invitation only.

crosspelican · 31/10/2019 11:25

I wouldn't say "Oi, where's my invitation, bitch?" out STRAIGHT, but I would ask her if she is having a leaving party of any kind and see what she says.

CatkinToadflax · 31/10/2019 11:25

I once invited DS’s entire class to his birthday party, minus his best friend. It was a total terrible oversight and I had no idea I’d missed him out until I asked his mum if he was coming and she said he hadn’t had an invitation. I then checked my list and his name wasn’t on it. How I could have missed him out, I have no idea. So oversights do happen.

TatianaLarina · 31/10/2019 11:25

Her list - did she have a list of everyone in the department and was ticking off those invited, or did she do the list from scratch? In which case she may just have forgotten you.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 31/10/2019 11:26

She has the right not to invite you
You have the right to ask why
I agree with other pps.. she's leaving so there's nothing to be lost by asking the reason.
It might hurt or be embarrasing to ask her flat out.. but having invited everyone except you and a new person - she's the one who should be embarrassed because its not possible it hasn't occured to her that 1) you will find out you are not invited and 2) that it is hurtful
So you deserve to know and she deserves to have to answer you.. to your face.
If you don't you will always think why me.. what was wrong with me? and its bad enough to be hurt by the lack of invite without the added distress of not knowing why.
Odds are its an oversight, which I sincerely hope it is, Only one way to find out!

TatianaLarina · 31/10/2019 11:35

I would totally say something?

NearlyGranny · 31/10/2019 11:40

If she's only inviting people she's worked with since she started, it would have been polite and thoughtful to say so when the invitations went out and save some heart searching.

Crystal87 · 31/10/2019 11:41

I've been in this exact position before. Someone else asked what I was wearing for the party and I said I wasn't invited. They couldn't believe it. I never said anything to the leaving colleague and I never saw her again. Strange as we had been friends and worked together years but she obviously didn't want me there. I don't lose sleep over it.

TatianaLarina · 31/10/2019 11:42

Or she forgot to invite you...

EKGEMS · 31/10/2019 11:42

Maybe the mean girl will get food poisoning

Greenleafer19 · 31/10/2019 11:50

R u sure she's not assuming u know ur invited like its obvious u would be? Personally I wouldn't say anything, see if she does on the day/at the last minute and say u have other plans! Sod her, shes leaving after all!

UnfamousPoster · 31/10/2019 12:00

Crikey - we invited a new employee to a leaving do that happened before he'd even joined! He's tea-total and everyone else was very, ahem, well lubricated, so he must have wondered what on earth he was walking in to! Very mean not to include the new people.

Leaving do's should either be a few close colleagues or the whole team/department. Your "friend" will be leaving a bitter atmosphere behind her when she leaves if she's singled people out.

I'd ask her if you're brave enough. If not, is there anyone else you're friendly with to ask if they know why she's excluded you.

Original poster

RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 12:23

Our department is very small and she sees me all the time, I highly doubt she could just 'forget' me. She was going over the list of invites to our colleague. This isnt the first time it's happened, she did it last Xmas but I had only been there a month at that point so I guess I didn't really know her..
I will just leave it. I clearly haven't been invited, I was actually going to get her a leaving gift but I won't bother now.
She's leaving in 2 weeks anyway, I will remain polite but that's it.

OP posts:

Original poster

RebeccaGlasscock · 31/10/2019 12:25

I thought I was good at judging if people liked me or not. I mean she went out of her way one weekend to help me when I was interviewing for a promotion, and stuff like that.
Oh well, you never know what people are really thinking.

OP posts:

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