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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if you are you with your husband / partner...

98 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 30/10/2019 23:09

A) Because you love them so much you couldn't live without them.

or

B) Because life with them is easier / better than being single.

Wish I could do a vote but I don't know how. So please comment away! Are you A or B?

OP posts:
PanchoBarnes · 31/10/2019 02:33

AB

PanchoBarnes · 31/10/2019 02:35

There's an A blood type, and a B blood type -

and an AB blood type, too. Grin

(Although, I am actually an O blood type.)

pallisers · 31/10/2019 02:46

I lived without DH before I met him and as devastated as I'd be if I lost him I suppose I could live without him again so A doesn't apply.

I love him dearly and we have a lovely life together so of course I am with him because it is easier and nicer than being single.

I'm not with him because I fear being single though. This choice isn't the right one for me. So probably AB.

I think the OP is asking are you with your partner out of love or convenience. If that is the question then the answer is love and there were times it was fucking awfully inconvenient. But it is very convenient now 30 years later.

missmouse101 · 31/10/2019 02:57

C- the wheels have come off but it's too terrifying and unaffordable to do anything...

missmouse101 · 31/10/2019 02:59

...actually terrifying is a bit extreme. Rather, too disruptive I should say.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2019 03:15

B but I don’t want not to be without dh so A too. But the way I read A, it sounds very much like a relatively new relationship to me - Ie in the first throes of love, not 20 odd years later.

Idea86 · 31/10/2019 14:22

B

PurpleFlower1983 · 31/10/2019 14:23

A but with my precious partner it was B for far too long!!

PurpleFlower1983 · 31/10/2019 14:23

*previous not precious!!

namechangetheworld · 31/10/2019 14:25

B

Witchinaditch · 31/10/2019 14:30

A and B

TheJoxter · 31/10/2019 14:31

A - I actually found life a lot easier being single Grin but he’s worth the effort Wink

AryaStarkWolf · 31/10/2019 14:33

I would say A minus the "couldn't live without them" part, of course I could

MarshaBradyo · 31/10/2019 14:34

I’m sure I could live without him but I choose not to because I don’t want to.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 31/10/2019 14:37

A really. I'm not a hearts and flowers, butterflies type but I'd far rather be with him than not. Of course I could live without him, but given the choice is rather not.

VladmirsPoutine · 31/10/2019 14:38

Thing is it needs to be a mix of both. If you can't live without them i.e. you'd be in poverty without their contribution then that needs to be addressed. I could live without my partner but I choose not to. Women need to be independent first and foremost. I will add that this is not necessarily the fault of women but just the way society is built - once women become pregnant etc then they become to a great deal dependent hence a lot of abuse starting in their relationships.

pippistrelle · 31/10/2019 14:43

Loving someone so much you can't live without them sounds like someone needs to work on their self-esteem.

BigFatLiar · 31/10/2019 14:46

Because you love them so much you couldn't live without them.

I know what you mean by the phrase but lets face it if your partner died you would just have to live without them.

Anotherlongdrive · 31/10/2019 14:46

Neither.

I can live without dp. I also am happy single.

I choose to be with him because I love him. If he left I would be sad. But it wouldnt be devastating.

Life would just be that same as it was before.

BertrandRussell · 31/10/2019 14:47

I find the number of As worrying, frankly. I’d infinitely rather not live without him, but I am perfectly confident that I could. And the same goes, I am sure, for him.

Witchinaditch · 31/10/2019 14:51

I find the number of As worrying, frankly. I’d infinitely rather not live without him, but I am perfectly confident that I could. And the same goes, I am sure, for him

This ^^ the only people I actually couldn’t live without are my children. I would rather not live without my husband and would find it very hard but I could do it, I choose every day to be with him.

Pinkblueberry · 31/10/2019 14:52

A

Inspiralcarpetry · 31/10/2019 14:53

B

NormaBean · 31/10/2019 14:54

There should be a C:

C - can live without them but choose to live with them because you love them and enjoy their company.

Pinkblueberry · 31/10/2019 14:57

I find the number of As worrying, frankly. I’d infinitely rather not live without him, but I am perfectly confident that I could. And the same goes, I am sure, for him

Taking it a bit too literally maybe?? Obviously if god forbid happened anything happened to him then yes I could/would have to live without him - it’s more about not wanting them absent from your life. It’s a figure of speech - it doesn’t mean all these people saying A are incompetent co-dependents - if anything B is more of an indicator in that direction.

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