To think that marriages have a shelf-life

[Blindspot82]

I think most people fall in love with the idea of marriage.....committed to one person, forever, forsaking all others, till death do us part. It sounds very romantic at the time and people who do marry probably have the best intentions........at the time. The idea of finding a soulmate is very comforting.

And then, after the kids come along and years upon years spent nappy-changing, domestic servitude, repetitive boring sex, or no sex at all, washing clothes, little to no interesting conversation, ironing, paying bills etc etc the dream is over, the spouse is at best, a very good friend who you love but no longer fancy and surprise surprise, people find themselves straying, or catching their partner straying.

Lots of people do remain in committed marriages but equally, so many people take lovers, have polygamous agreements, or just end up splitting to start afresh. People feel bad for having affairs, but they're too scared to end a dead marriage for various reasons.......social condemnation, security, etc etc. I wonder if marriages do have a natural shelf-life and we're biologically pre-disposed to couple romantically with more than one lifelong partner. Lots of other cultures don't have the puritan Western view of one lover. Is it setting yourself up for failure to expect total emotional and physical loyalty to one person, for the rest of your life? "For the rest of your life" is a long fucking time! I think most people find it too long. AIBU???

I'm with my soul mate now and I'm so much happier than when I was married for years. I'm not stressing about how long it will last I'm just enjoying it now while it's good. We do lots of socialising and hobbies separate to each other as well as together and also trust each other so we have a lovely life. Boredom kills relationships imo. I think a lot of people are in long seemingly happy marriages bored to death yet frightened to leave because of finances and loneliness.

I think too many people settle thinking others do.

Dh and have been together 14 years, married for 12. Sometimes we probably look disinterested in each other but he's absolutely my one and only.

I think when you meet your true 'one' a 5 year contract renewal seems ridiculous. Just stay bf/gf if you can't commit long term 🤷

I think marriage goes through stages. We are at the next stage of ours, just beginning it in fact. Dh retires in December at 58; we have just moved back to the UK, back into our family home, and he will be around a lot more, as he won't be working stupid hours, and will hopefully be far less stressed.

We've been together 34 years, married 33, and he still makes me laugh.

I think some are naive when it comes to marriage.
I know someone about to head into their third marriage after the last one ended abruptly.
Some are in love with the idea of being in love and just need someone as they can't cope alone. I don't believe in soulmates, I believe that a good marriage is entered into with open eyes knowing compromise and communication counts for a lot. Once the honeymoon phase is over thats when most seem to give up. Marriage won't always be hearts and flowers, it won't always be perfect as no relationship is but its about taking the rough with the smooth which makes a marriage last and not everybody can cope with that

Similar to a previous poster, DH and I are very happy together but it's a second marriage for both of us so wonder if that makes a difference..we both know how it feels to be in a shit relationship, so we are grateful to have eachother. Of course it's dull at times, mainly when the kids play up..but we always manage to get back to being happy and get the spark back.