To not be enjoying pregnancy

[nicannie]

Just need some reassurance that I'm not alone. I'm expecting a whole varied amount of comments....

I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant, then the exhaustion hit, then the eating everything in sight hit, then the nausea hit, then I bled for around 6 weeks straight. So it's fair to say I've been a bag of nerves with the bleeding which hasn't helped.

I'm now 21w and my back is in bits, my boobs have went up 3 sizes already, I've went up almost 2 stone (I was quite lean pre pregnancy from working out everyday which I've stopped), I can't control my eating at all.

Overall I just feel really unattractive, lazy, find it difficult to speak to people who ask about the pregnancy as I feel I have to lie and say I'm feeling great!

With all that said, this little life I'm growing inside of me, I already feel an incredible bond. I can't wait for her to be here. Me and OH speak about her daily, discuss names, talk about her movements. It's just how I feel about myself. I know I won't be the only one who has felt like this, just looking for someone to tell me they felt similar or how to get around how I'm feeling about myself, sorry for the long post.. if you got this far, thank you and hope this doesn't make me sound like too much of a selfish so and so.

It is okay to hate being pregnant. Ultimately pregnancy is just a means to an end, it's the many years following pregnancy that are the main part (and it's okay not to enjoy every second of those too). It doesn't make you ungrateful or selfish to say "actually I'm really uncomfortable and I can't wait to have my own body back".

Thanks @Venger I'm glad your response was the first I got to read on this. That's exactly how I feel and I'm scared to admit it in RL, that I'm excited or baby to be here but I'm also excited to have my body back! I know my body might never be the same, but it's something I can work on which I enjoy. I lost 2 stone right before I fell pregnant too - this could be part of my feelings!

YANBU. I found pregnancy absolutely shit. Love my DD to bits but I don't look back with any nostalgia on the 9 months of nausea, hospital stays, physio appointments, pain, heartburn, stress etc etc. You are over halfway and I promise it will all be worth it in the end . In the meantime,don't feel you have to put up a front, you are pregnant and allowed to moan as much as you like

Thank you @Slomi, weirdly glad to hear you felt the same. It is shit for me too, if I'm being honest with myself. I just worry as everyone around me pregnant seems to be enjoying it and it makes me feel even worse.

27 weeks here and your not alone! My hyperemsis is only just starting to go but has now been replaced with crippling heartburn and my ribs ache so much i can hardly breathe be glad when this is all over and i have a baby to snuggle.

Oh and I put on 4 stone in pregnancy from being bedbound for so long and I was a healthy weight beforehand. It all fell off again within a year. You will be ok.

I would love another DC even though I've got four and one of the many reasons we decided not to is because I can't stand the thought of being pregnant again. When youngest finished with breastfeeding and my body was finally entirely my own again it was such a liberating feeling!

It's okay to be overjoyed with love at having a baby, but not enjoy the pregnancy part! I am enjoying it more now I'm well into the 2nd trimester, but am struggling a lot with how my body is changing and how its changing how people speak to/about me (oh you're so big/really growing now, etc) and my DP is away with work so it's tough emotionally. I find when people ask and want an actual answer, usually I say "I'm so excited to meet the baby, pregnancy has been hard" - and so many people have then said mine was too!

@LucaFritz ah I'm only a bit behind you!! Keep going we can do it 😂 I'm fortunate enough to say I've never had heart burn in my life and this pregnancy I've not had it either, I couldn't even tell u what it's like. I hope it doesn't get much worse for you!

@Slomi people keep saying to me 'wow 2 stone already' and it gives me the fear ! I'm only 5ft2 but was 8 stone 6 when I fell, which was my goal weight. I'm now 10 stone 3 and rising.... I hope I drop it all off afterwards like you, I hear a lot of people don't lose it easily ! Did you do anything in particular diet or exercise wise ?

LucaFritz, I had HG and heartburn/reflux too. If you're not already on it then Omeprazole is great for heartburn, one pill once a day.

I was an absolutely appalling pregnant woman - I never glowed, I was nauseated 24/7, I was exhausted, I fainted a lot, I had SPD. That’s before the actual problems I had!

I absolutely love being a mum, the second my babies were born it was forgotten

Congratulations on your pregnancy

YANBU. I loved first pregnancy because it was easy - second pregnancy was headaches, sickness, really bad painful constipation, terrible skin, the list went on. Wont be long before baby’s here and you get get back to your old self!

Pregnancy can be really hard and you are absolutely not alone in not enjoying it. I recently had my first. Even though my pregnancy was low risk, I had a massive bleed at six weeks, terrible sickness, SPD and back pain. My joints were so lax I had a serious fall that put me in hospital. I ended up being induced early because my baby was measuring large for dates, and had and emergency c section. It was not the magical experience I was hoping for.

You don’t have to love being pregnant to love your baby and be grateful for her. You aren’t alone in finding it tough. You don’t have to pretend it’s a wonderful experience when it isn’t, if you don’t want to.

@Venger I know what you mean. I've already asked OH if he thinks in the future he would like to have a second as I've already said I'm not sure I want to do this again... I think once my body is mine again that I'll be really happy with DC and getting on with life with her here and the family we have !

I hated being pregnant. Morning sickness, getting fat, stretch marks, haemorrhoids, heartburn, aches and pains...all of it!
I also hated people telling me they loved being pregnant and and also people trying to touch my bump.

The minute my babies were born I felt better, in my own body again (even though it was a bit of a battered and fat one!)

I viewed pregnancy as 'doing time' and the wonderful result were my amazing children and worth every second. I honestly would go through pregnancy ten times over to have my children.

I also acknowledge what a privilege it is to be able to conceive and carry a healthy baby, it's a huge gift that not everybody has, and that kept it in perspective for me when I was feeling rough.

You'd luck! You are not alone, don't let those feelings make you feel guilty

I hated being pregnant both times. I'm still trying to do it again because, as everyone has said, it's just a means to an end. The aim isn't just to be pregnant; it's to have a baby and I'm willing to endure pregnancy for that.

@nicannie YANBU. I'm 36 weeks with our much wanted baby boy. However I hate being pregnant. I can barely move because of PGP pain, I had to stop work earlier than I would have liked because I'm struggling to drive. Because I can't walk or do much really I've piled weight on and I was big to start with. I'm just focusing on getting through these next few weeks and getting him here. I keep reminding myself it's not forever.
We can do this but that doesn't mean we have to enjoy it.

I found the first probably 20+ weeks really hard - was very sick and just never felt 'right' or like myself. I am now 38 weeks and for the last couple of months have been enjoying it so much more (even though I'm now quite uncomfortable!). I had a thread in pregnancy and got lots of support, it's definitely not unusual.

@OrangeSlices998 that's a really good reply. I think another problem with me is I'm 21 weeks and unless u know me, u would never think I'm pregnant. I virtually have no bump, me and my OH and close family notice. But some people at my work don't even know unless I've told them. So think that makes it weirder for me speaking about the pregnancy for people to be like 'oh I didn't even realise' or 'oh I take it your really early on' then I have to explain actually I'm over half way now..

I was the same. HATED it. It’s incredibly hard going for most women, I have new found respect.

YANBU.

You're going to lose a fair chunk of weight quite quickly as by the end around 3lb of it is placenta and fluid, plus 7-9lb of baby, your blood volume is increased in pregnancy and you retain water so there's another 3lb or so. I gained three stone with DC1 and by the time he was 6wks old and I started dieting/exercising I was two stone over my pre-pregnancy weight.

Thanks @ActualHornist - I definitely feel like I'm not alone now. Sorry to hear all the issues you had x

YANBU.

I think there’s often a terrible message in the media that pregnancy is a magical time. Just look how many times the word “glowing” is used!

I think it needs to be more socially acceptable to say “yes, it’s shit but I’m doing it for the end result!”

@Newbie1999 add constipation to my list as well, it's awful and makes me feel so bagged up!!