Guilt about not making memories

[FedUp100]

Advice needed please!
My beautiful little girl is 5.
I never took any impressions of her tiny feet or hands when she was a baby.
I don't know why I didn't, I just never thought about it. I was always soooo busy looking after her and my toddler by myself (have a husband but he works such long hours I barely see him) and working part time, it was just something I never got round to doing.
Now I spend a lot of time going round to her friends houses on playdates where they have bronze casts of their baby's feet, or plaster casts of their baby's hands, sitting proudly on display on the mantle piece, and it sends a physical pain through my gut that I never did this. Her tininess is lost, never cast in time.
Help, this is making me feel quite ill with bitter regret!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I have 4 dc and never did anything like this. I had all on just to take photos when they were little . If I had made some and went to look at it now I would also never remember which one was which. Most tiny hands and feet look the same as any other tiny foot or hand.

Towel I agree; children are meant to grow and change, not be set in amber for all time or something.

I also don't sign up to the sentiment of making children the absolute everything in your life. I love my kids to absolute pieces, but their faces aren't for decorating my house in. I don't think it's great for every kid to feel like the absolute centre of the world.

I've just taken my bins out, #making memories!!

Forget all this gash and enjoy your child here and now

I don't know anyone that has feet/hand prints of their children. I didn't do it, because I think they are tacky. I have put a photo album together and a memory box but memories - actual memories are made without you realising. Do you really think people keep those prints out for life?

Yes, I have the prints and I will keep them out for life because my baby died shortly after she was born. I don’t think it’s tacky at all but I think you are presumptuous and judgemental.

It sounds like you’ve been hit with a wave of nostalgia for the baby phase. Why not look out your favourite photo of her as a baby and get it enlarged and framed? I’ve been enjoying photos of my six year old as a toddler lately - he was gorgeous 😍. Of course he still is - just in a different way.

Memories are what is in your head and your heart. It used to be just photos, and maybe baby teeth, in my generation. You won't forget how tiny and adorable she was. And as everyone says, she's still little!

Go and get it done now! My local ceramic cafe has a lovely range of Christmas items in that you can personalise with hand and footprints from any age of child. Age five is still little.

Stop comparing yourself to others! You presumably have memories of your own, whether they're in the form of baby photos, or a drawing from nursery school, or "just" a memory of a fun day out at a summer picnic etc?
Haven't got any feet or body part casts here either, for either child.
Everyone has memories in their own way

When my daughter was 7 I started a scrapbooks, glueing in gold stars from schools, some photos, birthday invitations of close friends, funny notes she left for me etc etc. Later on concert programmes, school certificates, and on and on. They are series of 8 books now, less gets added over the years but they are very evocative.

Baby feet are actually quite dull compared with all the memories you are going to make. There's so much magic to come for you both.

Don’t worry about it.
I have photos, only 4 printed out and I’ve kept a couple of babygros and hats. That is it. And I will hang onto a couple of their childhood books.

I don’t like clutter and don’t want boxes of memories hanging around with my worrying about them if we move or downsize.

Are you actually angry at DH for leaving you to do everything alone which meant you had no capacity for this stuff? Are you feeling the physical pain and regret of realising your friends have more supportive partners thus making space for extras like bronze casts of baby feet?

Gosh, what a lovely load of replies, and such a fast response.....thank you everyone!

And you have all massively reassured me. Thank you!

Is there something deeper going on, a couple of you have asked........

I think it's linked to the fact I have no photos of her as a newborn. A few months after she was born, I had a whole camera memory card filled with photos of me heavily pregnant with her whilst cuddling my toddler; her new born on my chest; my toddler meeting her for the first time and cuddling her; me holding her, beautiful pictures of her. Then my husband took the memory stick to a photo development place where you do it yourself, transferred the images all on to a CD, didn't check that the images had transferred properly, wiped every single image from the memory stick cos it was full and he wanted to free up some storage on it, got home, put the CD in to the computer to look at the pictures, and found it was blank. The images never transferred. Precious pictures lost forever.

And although I don't have what I'd call clinical anxiety, I would say I have recently developed a degree of anxiety about how rapidly fast my children are growing up. I feel life is racing by soooooo fast, those precious baby years went by in the blink of an eye, then the pre school years flew by too, and suddenly they're at school and growing so fast. I adore them as they are now, they are truly the most gorgeous little children, I'm so proud of them, but I just wish time would slow down, and I feel kind of sad that the baby years went so incredibly quickly and I would have liked to have had physical things to look at and remember those times by.

Yes I have my real memories though, and I'm grateful for that, beyond words.

We didn't get round to doing casts of DS's hands or feet when he was a baby.

But one thing we did do - just as a bit of craft really on a rainy day when he was about four - was a hand print of DH, me and DS in paint.

DS has it on his wall and every year he measured his hand against his hand print. Now he's 12 years old he's measuring his hand against my print and, obviously, soon he'll be measuring it against his dad's.

I think I may get us to do another one this year, just to show how much he's grown.

The one thing I would do - and it's not too late - is to write down all the funny little things that she says. The words that she mispronounces, the little misunderstandings. My children love stories about themselves and being reminded what they called things. Don't worry about the other stuff - just enjoy her!

Stop beating yourself up!

You love your children and you are doing your best for them every day. Life is hard and cruel enough without you heaping unnecessary misery upon yourself.

I didn't do any of the 'traditional' things. I eloped, I didn't find out the sex of either baby, didn't have any baby showers, didn't make casts of hands, feet or anything else.
I did around on the floor with my children I did pull funny faces and made them laugh. I am their safe space and their champion and equally their disciplinarian.

We have a wall (behind our back door) with their heights and a date. They LOVE this living history.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Stop looking back, and start looking forward, or you’ll miss those magic moments from now on.

@AllFourOfThem So sorry for your loss In trying to make the OP feel better other posters haven’t considered other scenarios. You will absolutely treasure those prints forever quite rightly.

OP I could have written your post. My eldest was prem and I’m so sad I don’t have anything to show her just how tiny she was and just how much we have overcome. And then I couldn’t do it for the second as I hadn’t for the first.
At the time I didn’t have the mental energy to sort it out even though I did buy a do it yourself imprint kit.
You need to let it go. It’s not what really matters.

OP - Guilt (especially when there is nothing to be guilty about) is a waste - let that go right now as its using up precious energy for the good stuff.

All that bronze foot etc stuff is just a monument to consumerism. It really doesn't matter.

And you could never preserve her baby-ness forever. But I was on a plane today and a mother was travelling with her 6 month old. She asked me to hold him whilst she got some stuff from the overhead locker. He was a delight - and all of how my three were when they were tiny came right back to me. Even the hairy 6 foot gravel voiced teen. I can still see the adorable little dictator that he was.

I never did this. I kept first shoes does that count? We have lots of photos. I always wish I took more notice and noted when he had hos first haircut, Lost his first tooth or said his first word but I am rubbish at that sort of thing. I am not a fan of those plaster/bronze casts tbh. It’s just something else to display!

Some of the things that mean the most from my (now teen) DC come from the age your DD is now. Daft craft stuff we did together like drawing an outline of their hands on card, cutting them out and sticking them over an outline of my own. Or painting each others feet and doing prints on paper and card. When I look at them I recall the fun that went into the making of them. You have the chance to make precious current memories as other posters have said. Try not to waste time & emotion on futile regrets when you could be enjoying the here and now with your lovely girl.

I’d borrow another baby for a few hours, get all the hand prints you can, a couple of casts etc. Get them up on display, nobody will ever know they don’t belong to your child 👍

Seems to me your DH is a right dick. No wonder you are anxious. What kind of dad wipes all the baby photos without checking? One who was either punishing you somehow or who gives no fucks.

Surely you have stuff of theirs from babyhood? Other people must have photos of you and your first born they could give you a copy of?
give you copies of?

Do it now! And like others have said, she'll probably love doing it with you.

It's the pictures and videos that you'll really cherish I think. You could do something special with her newborn baby pics - get nice frames or canvas prints? Very easily done online now.

I bought the footprint kit but never got round to doing it for my DS. I now have a 4 week old DD and thinking I'll buy a second kit do her foot twice and say one of them is his? Pretend I did it at the time in case he feels left out down the line

Oh, so sad about your photos. .

Tbh though, I'm sitting here thinking about my dd1's (now 10 yr old) little wrinkly baby feet, not even flat on the bottom due to not having walked, the soft smooth feel of them under my thumb as I stroked them and those teeny tiny translucent nails. That's a memory. You have made memories that are yours to keep.

Don't feel bad.
I accidentally deleted about 90% of my son's baby photos and couldn't recover them.
Now I always print photos and have folders of these, drawings and school awards.