Ex still using joint account, now its overdrawn

[ShamelessEx]

ExP broke up with me a few months ago now. Their choice, as much as I've tried to make it work, they're absolutely uninterested (gone NC, defaming me, lying, and the rest). It's been a few months now yet they're still using our joint account to buy items almost daily lunch, travel, dinner, etc seemingly intentional (e.g. will use other cards for dates / drinks).

I know they're having some financial issues which they kept quiet during our relationship (low wage, credit card debts, gambling, etc) and I've offered to help when I found out, still gave them some money for things after the breakup (stupid, I know, I'm still in love). ExP knows I would loan or give them however much they need, and preferrably I would to avoid accounts that I am financially liable for becoming in debt and damaging my credit history. I've made them aware in the past that we cannot let the account go into the unarranged overdraft; we've never needed to, not a sly boast but our lifestyle isn't really expensive and I have a decent job.

AIBU to find it unfair that the joint account has now gone into the unarranged overdraft, which has affected both of our credit ratings?

Have you been to the bank yet?
Sounds like you have the mortgage covered with your income, so in reality you need to pay it out of a different account in your name only, to ensure that it GETS paid.
Re. the money from the ex going into the joint account for bills etc., - well you can't stop them from using it, but you can take it out and put it into a different account the minute it appears, to remove the option of spending it.

And I don't know how quickly banks can stop overspending - so I suggest you talk to them about NOT allowing the account to go into overdraft at all.

You're being totally reasonable.

Unfortunately I still have an account with my exH as it is incredibly difficult to close (even with the support of women's aid) as they expected us to go together to the bank to close it which would never happen.

I hope you can find some other resolution and share here!...

Why are they paying bills? Why are there joint bills if separated and no children?

Sometimes it's a same sex relationship. [charitable

That is true...

Why not use ‘it’ instead of ‘they’? At least that is singular.

Yes, I’m irrationally irritated that the silly pronouns.

Having a joint mortgage makes no difference you dont need a joint account.

You do for some - it's a condition of our mortgage that we have a mortgage account held in both names that the payments are taken out of. It has no overdraft and we use it solely to pay the mortgage, but I'm not sure what would happen if we split, I presume we'd have to maintain the account until someone bought the other person out.

I think the OP’s use of “they” instead of “he” or “she” has derailed the thread somewhat, as has been commented on by posters. Some will say it isn’t relevant and it isn’t really, it’s just that it stands out as being an odd term of phrase. Not sure why OP couldn’t have just said if it was he or she and then posters would have concentrated on the actual dilemma.

I’ve NC’d recently but taking gender away from any conversation is natural for me.

Sorry, I know this is off the point, but I'm intrigued. Would you still use "they" when talking about your mother, or a person who is pregnant?

I used to be in this position. My ex husband spent so much, he ran up a debt of £1500. I made him pay back every penny. Go to the bank and speak to them about freezing the account so that both of you can only put money in and not take money out. I didn't know you could do that until it was too late. If you can't do that, then there is nothing you can legally do to stop him. You have just as much right as he does, to take money out. I eventually stopped paying money in until my ex husband stopped taking money out and paid back the overdraft.

Bate post, basically to get intrigue as to whether the person in question is male or female. Honestly OP, if you want advice, just ask for it. None of us are on for a game of guess who to increase your reply count

Fuck this for a bag of chips. Why make your posts so difficult to decipher. Douche.

This isn’t bait, but I think I’ve got my answer anyway. Gender neutral terms shouldn’t be difficult to decipher.

For what it’s worth, my ExP chooses to go by “they”. That’s still irrelevant to my post.

If your both on the joint account your both liable for the overdraft regardless of who spent the money. If the account balance is overdrawn you can't remove a party from the account. You can; however, contact the bank and explain that your in dispute. They may be able to put a block on the account and change it to "both to sign" to stop him spending any further moneyZ

None of us are on for a game of guess who to increase your reply count

I bloody love Guess Who. Fantastic game.

So the studiously avoiding him or her plus the issue specific user name makes this seem goady and troll like.

If you are really in such a financial pickle its obvious you need to freeze or close the account. But I just read your post as a set up. Its really hard to understand When you mangle the English language.

I’m intrigued by what the job would be where it is usual to be gender neutral.

If the account is overdrawn is there a danger you will miss a mortgage payment?

What is going to happen to the house? If you are not married and have been paying the mortgage there maybe an issue for your ex