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AIBU?

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Original poster

shocked to have to pay for food at inlaws wedding reception?

72 replies

DASNOTGUD · 29/10/2019 08:47

went to in laws wedding recently. we had to drive to registry office pay for pakring then drive for over half an hour on rough terrain to a restaurant and had to pay for our own meals. we are not that well off with children of our own, we were shocked as were other relatives. there was less than 20 of us, they are in well paid jobs with no kids. I have never been in this situation before, am i right to feel shocked about this? anyone got similar experiences?!

OP posts:
covetingthepreciousthings · 29/10/2019 08:50

I guess they aren't being unreasonable to have their reception in a restaurant & accept guests to pay their own way... BUT I think it would have been good for them to at least give guests the heads up that would be the case. So you could either decline if you can't afford it, or make adjustments to save for it.

Though.. if it were me, I'd feel awful not paying for guests meals (drinks I could understand) & think I'd have just opted for a buffet at home instead to celebrate..

QueenOfWinterfell · 29/10/2019 08:52

I’d be shocked too. I certainly wouldn’t do that to guests if I was getting married

theemmadilemma · 29/10/2019 08:52

How and when did you realise you had to pay for your food?

NearlyGranny · 29/10/2019 08:53

Only reasonable of them if the invitation made it clear.

EpcotForever · 29/10/2019 08:53

I would expect to drive to venue, pay for parking and then to drive to the meal.
Wouldn't expect to then pay for our own meals, unless they had communicated this prior.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 29/10/2019 08:53

They didn't tell people in advance that they would have to pay? That's not on.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2019 09:15

Blimey they took a chance by not pre-warning you.

HoppingPavlova · 29/10/2019 09:16

Didn’t they make thus clear via the invitation or a separate communication? If not they are CF’ers.

Leeds2 · 29/10/2019 09:21

My friends did this as they genuinely couldn't afford to pay for all the guests' meals. From memory, they paid for a glass of fizz for the toasts, and a cake. They did however make it clear on the invitations that this would be happening, and enclosed a copy of the menu - with prices - with the invitation.

xoxoluna · 29/10/2019 09:23

I would expect them to at least mention it in their invitations. Did they?

Cosmos45 · 29/10/2019 09:29

Bad form regards paying without prior warning. My mum did this many years ago, invited people for a birthday meal and said she would pay and then when the bill came expected everyone to cough up. It was excruciating and I still cringe on her behalf. She didn't seem in the slightest bit embarrassed (which is part of the reason I am LC).

I am more intrigued about the 1/2 hour drive over rough terrain, where on earth was this restaurant?

Hoppinggreen · 29/10/2019 09:29

I think as long as you know I’m advance so can decide whether to go or budget if necessary it’s ok but not if you only found out once you arrived

diddl · 29/10/2019 09:29

I was also wondering what the invitations said?

Idk, I think going onto a restaurant makes it more likely though that everyone might be paying their own?

Sicario · 29/10/2019 09:29

Me, DH and kids were invited very effusively to a 40th birthday do at a lovely venue. Nobody had any idea that they would all be presented with a bill until she went around saying "that'll be fifty quid a head please". Utterly baffling! Skin like a rhino and seemed totally oblivious to the dismayed expressions of her "guests".

charm8ed · 29/10/2019 09:32

I’d expect to pay if invited out for a birthday meal but not a wedding reception.

AutumnRose1 · 29/10/2019 09:34

And you bought them gifts?

Awful behaviour.

OnlineShopping · 29/10/2019 09:36

I think they were only being unreasonable by not telling you in advance.

My in-laws charge us to go to their million pound house for a tiny Christmas lunch. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 29/10/2019 09:37

I hope you took the card or present back. Weddings dont have one if you cant afford to feed you're guests. A meal in a restaurant for a birthday is entirely different and I would accept to pay i think they have confused the two.

MoreMoneyPlease · 29/10/2019 09:38

I've been to a wedding like this as the couple were pretty hard up at the time. However, they told us on the invitations that they didn't want gifts but instead they'd love us to come for a meal afterwards if we could pay our own way. We were fine with it - because we knew in advance. I'd be a bit miffed if I turned up with a £50 gift only to discover I was also paying for my own meal!

thecatsthecats · 29/10/2019 09:38

Don't be that person who makes up a dozen stupid small complaints to make your actual issue seem bigger.

We had to leave the HOUSE! Wearing CLOTHES! They didn't have the ceremony in our front room where we could watch in our pyjamas (CF's asked us to put the heating on!).

Yes, it's unusual to pay for a meal for a wedding, even a small, informal one. But I'd chalk it up as a minor, cheeky annoyance in the scheme of things, and next time they invite you to something, check the paying situation before accepting.

Wildorchidz · 29/10/2019 09:39

😳

SpiderCharlotte · 29/10/2019 09:39

Well I don't think you should have to have paid for your meal unless it was made clear on the invitation that this was the intention, that's pretty crap.

But I don't know why you mentioned having to drive there or pay for your own parking, do you not think you should pay for that yourself?

SpiderCharlotte · 29/10/2019 09:40

My in-laws charge us to go to their million pound house for a tiny Christmas lunch.

Er, what???? Shock

userxx · 29/10/2019 09:43

@OnlineShopping Nooooooo!!!!

Ginfordinner · 29/10/2019 09:43

thecatsthecats if the invitation didn't state that the meal was to be paid for by the guests then you are being unreasonable. Especially if the guest is struggling financially. I think if I had been put in that position I would have called the host out on it.

OP - what did it say on the invitation?
What did the other guests say?